Walking in a sacred manner

“Although we speak in terms of “taking the path of healing,” that is certainly not the only way to put it. The great Sioux shaman Black Elk speaks of “walking in a sacred manner.” To walk in a sacred manner is to make an art of life, to attend to each moment as though it were the last, to take each step as though it were the first.

To breathe love and awareness into this tiny body, entering the greater body we all share. Seeing that each step must be taken lightly, not with force, not creating more SELF, becoming more of a “doer,” more of a separate identity, which draws suffering upon itself. To walk in a sacred manner is to let go of our suffering and allow the scintillating “thusness” of each moment to nurture and direct the next step.

When we walk in a sacred manner, nothing throws us off balance for nothing is identified with as self, as the walker, but instead all is experienced as the sacred, as process unfolding, as the divine moment provided for our healing. In open body, in open mind, in open heart, the possibilities are endless. Healing is to be found everywhere. Each step so precious. Each step a new healing.”

by Stephen Levine, Healing into Life and Death

Eternal Echoes

May you awaken to the mystery of being here
and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.

May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.
May you receive great encouragement when new frontiers beckon.

May you respond to the call of your gift
and find the courage to follow its path.

May the flame of anger free you from falsity.

May the warmth of your heart keep your presence aflame
and anxiety never linger about you.

May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul.

May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that
seek no attention.

May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven
around the heart of wonder.

John O’Donohue, Eternal Echoes ~ ( Irish poet~philosopher~spiritual teacher)

How To Avoid the “Affair Disease”

Continuing the trend of celebrities caught with their pants down – literally and figuratively – is Jesse James, estranged husband to Sandra Bullock.

Psychologically, celebrities and politicians are more prone toward a self-medicated high to temporarily cancel out the stressful emotions they feel, as I explain in “Adultery the Forgivable Sin.”

Of course, I’m not suggesting that this can excuse their actions – rather it’s a reason why news of politicians and celebrities engaging in affairs is, sadly, relatively common. This type of behavior is becoming an epidemic and is a disease similar to alcoholism – and it’s time to stop it.

We need to stop glamorizing it, or – alternatively – bastardizing it, accept that it happens and move on. I believe that we CAN cure and forgive adultery (an idea I go into in-depth in my book by the same name.) Politicians have a high burn out rate and they’re looking to alleviate the pressure and stress – what I call the biochemical craving for connection.

This can easily become a self-enforcing cycle: politicians and others of us under a lot of stress (and let’s face it, nowadays who ISN’T under a lot of stress!?) are looking for a release from this constant pressure.

An illicit affair provides the biochemical connection we’re craving, along with that high and thrill of a new romance. But keeping up the charade only causes more pressure. And so the cycle perpetuates itself.

What can we learn from Sanford, Edwards, Woods, James (and others like him)?

1). The behaviors that stimulate these feelings can easily become addictive.

For instance, for any addict, the choice to self-medicate in any number of ways—with alcohol, medications, sex, or money—can begin with a desire to relieve stress or mute depression. The addiction then progresses to a preoccupation with where their next “fix” will come from, and often involves a strong desire to create rituals around obtaining the “high.” This preoccupation becomes a compulsion—to use drugs or alcohol, or to have sex, or to shop—followed by depression and despair as the effects wear off, leading to the beginning of the cycle all over again.

2).  It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” instead.

Many cheating partners use an affair to self medicate a deeper problem within the marriage.

3). Learn what your subconscious is telling you before it’s too late.

Affairs are a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. Don’t make the mistake of acting and not talking – it’s impossible to take back such a decision.

4.) Statistics tell the story

50% of first marriages end in divorce, 66% of 2nd marriages, and 70% of third marriages end in divorce.  My book, out in paperback now, Make Up Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, has new chapters and advice for how to heal, communicate effectively and stay together, offering couples real hands on techniques for overcoming adversity.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is internationally acclaimed and one of America’s best-known relationship experts; named by New York Magazine as one of the city’s top therapists. Join her for a Sex, Money and Infidelity teleconference, June 30th at 4 pm with fellow relationship expert and author Tammy Nelson.  You can also sign up for her Newsletter here. Dr. Bonnie has appeared on the The Today show, CBS Saturday Early Show, Oprah!, A Current Affair, The View, Sally, Ricki Lake, Montel, Maury Povich, and Extra. Her work has also been featured in Good Housekeeping, The New York Times, New York Daily News, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal and many others.

Additional Reading: How To Survive An Affair

Stop Giving Yourself Away

It’s impossible to be concerned with how others see you … and be true to yourself at the same time. There are few places in our life where the pressing want to be wanted — the need to feel approved by others — doesn’t compromise our true best self-interests.

It’s time to snap ourselves out of the painful delusion that any individual either possesses or, in some way, can grant us the power we need to possess ourselves.

No one can give us the approval we seek, because it isn’t his or hers to give. And the more we understand the truth of this higher fact, the less inclined we’ll be to give ourselves away.

Seeking and receiving approval from others is like sitting down hungry to an imaginary meal. You’re invited to eat all you want, but no matter how much imaginary food is served, you can never get your fill. Your hunger remains. No fictional feast ever satisfies.

But this fact isn’t so apparent when it comes to our appetite for approval. We still look to others for our sense of self even though the very moment it’s received, it must be renewed.

Believing we can’t be happy without the approval of others is like thinking that we can’t see beauty without someone else’s eyes!  Time and time again, we come to the same spiritual lesson: no one can give us that which can only be found within our Self. But we must transform our sensing of this timeless Truth into our personal understanding of it. We must do the needed inner work, which alone leads to owning our own lives.