I’m stuck again.

Not sick, not tired, just going backwards in my mind.

A psychic practitioner stopped me at the end of a party yesterday, and told me I was about to have a detour.

Today.

I don’t quite remember the exact words she used, but it was something along the lines of “Right now you’re going down the 405, and you’re about to take a detour, and then you’ll have to decide what you want to do with your life.”

And then she disappeared.

Okay.

So one part of me sees only possibilities in that scenario – Wow, choices, new things, new roads, new…. And then another part – Gremlin Voice soaked for sure – screams Other shoe dropping!

Any minute now!

Watch out for falling shoes!

And I look around me, furtively, searching each car that passes by, each person who passes by, each word that passes by, for a clue.

For a sign.

For impending disaster.

I have three choices.

One, I can call up this practitioner and ask for clarification. But, I realize, nothing she says will change the fact that I must make one of the other two choices.

Two, I can wallow in fear and try to be very careful and watchful and vigilant, analyze everything that shows up in my life at every minute, and forget I’m actually alive and living.

Three, I can choose the choice of possibilities.

I can – regardless of what the psychic has seen or knows, regardless of what she says or what she thinks, or even more profoundly, regardless of what I think – see every car that passes by, every person who passes by, each word that passes by as a “detour” into a new possibility.

And, if I make choice Number Three, I’d better know what I’m getting myself into – this new possibility might lead to another detour, to another possibility, to another, and another, where the choices are endless.

Am I more afraid of being stuck or of getting lost?

Is it that I’m really so certain I can’t choose right every time, or does it really matter if I choose right every time?

Lots of questions, and sometimes the answer is “I don’t know,” or “None of the Above.”

So how do I know what to do and where to go and what to think?

And how do I stop; my mind from racing to fear instead of flowing to possibilities?

Well, first off, just because I investigate another road doesn’t mean I’ve left the Highway of Love. In fact, what if I’m not even on it at all!

What if, even though I think I’ve been on the Highway of Love all this time, I’m really only on a side road?

What if I’m not even on a road?

What if I’ve been going in circles?

So, what if I want to continue down this so-called detour of a new possibility?

What then?

What if the detour leads to a bigger Highway?

What if I’ve been on the Highway of Where I’ve Always Been and What I’ve Always Done, and the detour will lead me smack to the Highway of Love?

Well, how’s this for a job description: Adventurer!

Lots of men and women are making thrilling, actual lives out there being Indiana Jones – finding lost civilizations, solving ancient riddles, leading teams through the jungles of the world.

Everyone has a different tolerance for risk and a different idea of what’s in the pot of gold at the end of the Quest, and some of us quake at even the thought of stepping a foot into the unknown.

So many of us are traveling up and down a dead end wash we call “love” in the middle of something we only know of as “familiarity.”

Sometimes we ride it in souped-up all-terrain vehicles, and sometimes we crawl along it, but we hardly ever fly over it, and actually see, with our own eyes, that it’s been a dead-end all along.

So, what if the Highway of Love is truly a super-highway leading to… who knows where?

And, what if it’s really not all that hard to navigate?

What if the only problem with it is it’s just not a dead-end wash?

What if the only hard thing about it is it’s not “familiar”?

So I bless the psychic.

Not for giving me a clue to what’s next, but for giving me a clue to my fear.

Perhaps the 405 isn’t all there is.

Now I have to deal with myself.

If I’m so afraid of detours, how will I handle the Highway of Love when I’m on it?

Will I run back to my dead-end?

Will I swear off detours?

Will I swear off possibilities?

Will I choose “Familiar” over “Better”?

Will I choose “Safely Stuck” over “Scary What I Really Want”?

Will I stay in worry and doubt and fear and not leave my house, or will I move out and about with abandon?

Will I keep my eyes open for danger, or will I allow in possibilities?

The choice is mine.

The choice is yours.

Try this way of choosing:

When you find yourself stuck, or afraid, ask yourself what road you’re on.

You may answer – I’m in love!

I couldn’t be happier!

Or I’m safe and fine, I don’t need a relationship, I don’t need someone else to love me, I love myself just plenty.

Or I don’t have time for all this.

I’m busy, I’m tooling down my road just fine, and, Rori, what do you know about it anyway?

Okay, so you know what’s up.

You’ve made your choice, and it feels good, and here you are, and you’re right – you don’t need me.

And if you answer I’m tired of the same-old-same-old.

I’m tired of the souped-up cars and the dry runs and the circles, then, maybe, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain by choosing “Better” and “Scary What I Really Want,” than “Safe” and “Familiar.”

So, put on your new hat.

The one marked “Adventurer!”

Imagine that your emotions, your instincts, your heart rhythms, are a beautiful, powerful Horse you can ride across the landscape of your life.

Your Horse knows the way, clean and clear, to where you want to go. And if you should ever steer it wrong, it knows the way back.

Now, sit your Horse tall and proud.

You are about to let the whole world see you shake from fear, thrill from excitement, breathe hard from anticipation, tense up from the knot in your throat and shimmer from the hope in your eyes.

You are about to let go.

The Horse of your emotions, your instincts, your connection to life, your heart, is feeling feisty.

You’re about to let your Horse run free.

Imagine doing it.

Imagine tolerating the fear, the excitement, the heavy breathing, the tension, the shimmer.

Imagine riding the Horse somewhere new and feeling everything you’re feeling.

Believe that anytime you want, you can stop.

Yes, you can stop.

You can say No, turn back, go forward, take a rest.

You can.

You can say No when it doesn’t feel right, and you can say Yes when it feels right.

Sometimes it can feel right, but it’s just a little (okay, a lot) scary.

Don’t let that stop you!

Fear feels way different when you’re out there riding the Horse than it does when you’re stuck stock still.

Fear is many things, and it wears many faces, and we build all kinds of defenses on top of it to pretend it isn’t there or hide it away, or fight it.

If you don’t believe Adventurers feel fear, you’ve been sitting in the safe dead-end too long.

Fear is part of the Highway of Love. Bring yours along with you for the ride.

Soon, it’ll get tired and old, and you’ll be too busy having fun to even notice if it’s there or not.

So, wear your Adventurer hat (yes, you have one!), take along all your baggage, and imagine the exhilaration of having what you want.

Then, kiss your Horse, and let it take you somewhere new – to the Highway of Love.

Let me show you all the ways in which you can let go of fear and live the love life of your dreams.

My FREE NEWSLETTER is packed with tools and advice to help you connect to your man, inspire his love and devotion, and finally have the relationship you want…starting today!

Simply fill in your name and email at the link below and start learning the tools that will inspire you and improve your self-esteem and confidence.

Your information is kept confidential and there is no obligation… just valuable, free advice:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

By Rori Raye

In her Have The Relationship You Want eBook, Rori Raye teaches any woman the secret of how to quickly stop the pain and frustration in her love life and get exactly the romance, affection, attention and love she really wants (and deserves!).

Rori’s Tools will help you attract a man instead of accidentally pushing him away, no matter how uncertain things feel right now.

]]> http://www.whispy.com/blog/please-vote-for-samson-cutest-dog-competition/feed/ 0 http://www.whispy.com/blog/favorite-word-of-the-day-moue/ http://www.whispy.com/blog/favorite-word-of-the-day-moue/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:42:01 +0000 Lilly http://www.whispy.com/blog/?p=724

This word caused some consternation for me when I was a child. I can remember mother telling me, “Don’t make a moue, darling, you don’t want your face to freeze like that.” It would have been so much simpler if moue was pronounced the same as roué, but as it was for the longest time I thought cows must be inherently bad for ambling about mouing all day. And it is more complicated, not less, if you are learning “cows go moo” from one parent and “cattle don’t moo, they low” from the other. It is simply too too much to grasp for a three year old child, who (whoue?) was both precocious and naive.

Now, let a smile be your umbrella – there’s a phrase I could have grasped.

Sigh. Or not.

Remember the kids–They’re like kites
You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground.
You run with them until you’re both breathless.
They crash. They hit the rooftop.
You patch and comfort, adjust, and teach.
You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they’ll fly.
Finally, they are airborne.
They need more string and you keep letting it out.
But with each twist of the ball of twine, there is a sadness that goes with joy.
The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won’t be long before
that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you two
together and will soar as it is meant to soar, free and alone.

Only then do you know that you did your job.

by Irma Bombeck

note: I posted this today to remind myself of this, as my sons left today (still remembering to always say I love you before they leave) to go shopping for for college Dorm supplies for the new school year.

*sigh* it never gets any easier when they leave …

Indeed, pets can be a key reason that homeless people choose living on the streets over shelters. The National Coalition for the Homeless estimates that between five and ten percent of homeless people have an animal companion (although this has never been formally surveyed). Yet, only two (yes, just 2!) pet-friendly homeless shelters exist in the United States (in Florida and California).

The benefits of having a pet are significant, particularly for homeless people. Pets are non-judgmental and loyal, almost to a fault. They may serve as additional security and protection on the dangerous streets. And studies show that they contribute to the healing process for people with mental or physical illness. According to one expert:

In this very busy twentieth century, man is a lonely creature. There are too many alienated individuals who lack human companionship. They lack purpose and productivity. A simple addition to these lonely lives can sometimes accomplish major changes. The possession of a pet, who eagerly awaits one and responds to one’s care and attention, may mean the difference between maintaining contact with reality or almost total withdrawal into fantasy. Literally, a pet can occasionally represent the difference between life and death.

One organization, Feeding Pets of the Homeless, takes a different approach to this issue. Their take? “Pets of the homeless and disadvantaged do not choose their owners.” To ensure that pets of the homeless receive care and nourishment, they have established a coalition of food banks and veterinarians specifically for pets of the homeless. (Find out if your community is connected.)

Certainly, it’s important to ensure that the pets of homeless people receive adequate care. However, it is even more crucial to recognize that four-legged companions are a key part of a homeless person’s life, but may also create an impermeable barrier for the delivery of life-saving services to homeless people.

Sadly, it is unlikely that more pet-friendly shelters will materialize in the near future, given that many organizations are already struggling to meet the needs of homeless humans (although, Vancouver, BC is the proud new owner of such a shelter).

[Picture:  Homeless man with dog from Feeding Pets of the Homeless.]

On the 25th of May, a client who recently lost her husband to the war in Iraq, posted the following comment on one of my Blogs and she asked that I share my reply:

Lil,

“You often talk about using the skills you’ve learned in Vipassana, and other methods of meditation, in your healing process. To successfully heal, do you feel that these methods must be used, or can we heal from our grief without in-depth knowledge of these methods?”

Thanks, Brihanna, for the great question. I’ve been thinking about how to answer it for the last two days. First off, I’m not sure I would use the word “heal” anymore. What has changed in my bereavement, is my perspective. But I know what you mean.

I really appreciate Eckhart Tolle’s work for simplifying a host of psychological and spiritual concepts — cutting through the miasma of thousands of years of nebulous opinions and getting to the heart of things. I find it interesting that I only discovered his books at the end of my grief journey. His two best-sellers encompass everything I think you need to know to come out of bereavement. Here’s what I have learned:

To me, bereavement is a devastation of your mind, your ego. Your mind intensely dislikes the present moment, preferring instead to keep you caught up in thoughts about the past and anxieties about the future. Sound familiar?

In bereavement, your ego, your sense of self has been shattered. To compensate, your mind switches into high gear and roughly shoves you into alternating currents of your past married life and the dark, single, uncertain future. This is a very dangerous thing for the ego to do — most people don’t appreciate being shoved around, and they are likely to do something about it. And they might start paying attention to the present moment. If they do this in the right way, they will come to a startling discovery — that the present moment is perfect just as it is, and that there is no need for the ego.

Meditation is simply the act of being focused on the present moment. Right this second. And this second. And this second. Not focused on the past. Not focused on the future. Right now. Only now. Sound simple? Try it. Try just being aware of the present moment for 2 minutes. No thoughts about the past, no thoughts about the future. Just the immediate feedback from your 5 senses. Close your eyes to make it easier

…

Well? Bet you couldn’t go the full two minutes. Your mind sucked you in to the past, or tried getting you to focus on something you need to do in the future. This is the nature of the mind.

I wrote that near the end of my Vipassana course, I discovered the Lilly that has no problems. Thanks to Eckhart Tolle, I now understand that that Lilly was the one who was totally focused on the present moment. THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. Yes, I’m shouting Every moment spent in the present moment is a moment spent with no problems.

But the mind / ego hates this — it is a problem-solver. If you spend time in the present where there is no problems, then you have no need for the mind / ego. In The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart sums this up nicely [pp 87-8]:

“But the more you practice monitoring your internal mental-emotional state, the easier it will be to know when you have been trapped in past or future, which is to say unconscious, and to awaken out of the dream of time into the present. But beware: The false, unhappy self, based on mind identification, lives on time. It knows that the present moment is its own death and so feels very threatened by it. It will do all it can to take you out of it. It will try to keep you trapped in time.”

Knowing this, try the 2-minute test again. With your eyes closed, focus only on the sensory data you receive from your remaining four senses. No thoughts about the past, no thoughts about the future. Try it again.

…

Still couldn’t do it, could you? Now you can see how meditation training can be beneficial.

So, to answer your question, Brihanna: Peace exists only in the present moment. Nowhere else. But your mind will do everything it can to keep you focused on anything but the present moment. You couldn’t even keep your mind focused on the present moment for two minutes, and this even after I warned you that your mind would prevent you. So who’s running the show? You, or your mind? They are not the same thing. You are not your mind. Meditation helps you to dis-identify from your mind.

If by healing you mean to live at peace, you will need to find some way to live in the present moment, the only place where you will find peace. Meditation provides many methods for focusing on the present. There are also other ways. Two of the very best meditation tools that I have personally engaged in and wholeheartedly recommend are:

Healing Rhythms Guided Meditations – The Journey to Wild Divine

Learn with expert guided meditation mentors, who will walk you, step-by-step, through deep breathing exercises, guided meditations, and an inspirational journey towards aiding you in taking control of your emotions and state of happiness. The Journey to Wild Divine allows people to influence what is happening in their body, in their mind, and the world they create everyday. This unique training program uses biofeedback to teach breathing and meditation techniques for a healthier mind & body and features Deepak Chopra in The Passage and Wisdom Quest. Healing Rhythms unique biofeedback program is designed to help you uncover your body’s own natural ability to counter the wear and tear that everyday stress has on your health.

and

Centerpointe Reasearch’s Holosync® Audio Technology

Heal yourself with the power of sound. Holosync Sound Technology is a powerful and effective personal growth, meditation and mind development tool that creates deep, super-pleasurable meditative states, razor-sharp thinking, and quantum leaps in self-awareness. Listening to this scientifically proven brain technology gives you all the benefits of meditation—in a fraction of the time—easily and effortlessly.

Live in Joy, Brihanna! I hope to hear from you again soon upon your healing path

Bright Blessings,
Lilly

In our mentally polarized cultures that are dominated by a male energy that emphasizes doing and producing, we often unconsciously feel that in order to love we must act in certain ways. While this yang aspect of love is important, the primary aspect of love is yin – i.e., receptive, magnetic. Love does not require doing anything. It is a way of being present. This means that without engaging our minds, we allow the soul within to attract the soul of others, enabling soul to soul contact to occur. This is in fact what love is.

Every human being has an infinite capacity for love. In fact, infinite love seeks to express itself unconditionally through every one of us in every thought, every emotion, every word and every act we perform. The essence of the Spiritual Soul within us is infinite love. It doesn’t care where that love is directed by us, for it tries to direct itself everywhere all the time.

Our personalities have personalized love that is essentially impersonal. We have sentimentalized and emotionalized love. Our limited nature directs it here and not there, now and not then. By doing this, we’ve made it an impulse of our desires rather than the force that takes us beyond our desires to the fulfillment of need.

We don’t have to personalize love but we do have to individualize it. It is through our individualized nature that infinite love can be expressed uniquely and responsibly. No one else in the world now or at any time can ever express love in the same way you can. Because love is infinite, there are an infinite number of facets to it, perspectives of it, energies radiating from it, forms it can take and pathways to it.

There is a drive within you to keep expressing love. This is really why you love – not because it feels good, or someone wants you to, or because you feel you should. The only reason you love is because you cannot not love. You would die. You know that when you are in some fear and you do not let love through, you do die a little in the form of some pain, illness, discomfort, sadness, anger, discontent or unhappiness.

Getting in touch with the love within you is the most important step you can take on your spiritual journey. It will also be your most rewarding. Being in touch with the love within allows you to be accepting, understanding of yourself and others, vulnerable when you need to be. It allows you to look at your shadow and heal yourself while being supported by the love of Spirit and the soul within. It allows you to be truly who you are.

Exercises:

1. Think of ways that you express love in a yang or male way and in a yin or female way. Is there balance in your way of expressing love? In what ways could you express love in a more balanced way?

2. What do you feel is your individual way of expressing love? How do you often show love to others?

To grow spiritually, we must expand our understanding of personality and soul, and we must experience new aspects of soul every day. Please revisit our Spiritual Blog and send it to a friend. It will deepen both your understanding and experience of the core elements of soul development.

The beautiful Artwork offered above is hand painted by my good friend of + 10 years, and fellow visionary,  Patrick Delorme

Patrick: Merci mon cher ami de l’âme et l’esprit! Grace est l’énergie requise pour produire des miracles. Et il est gratitude qui engendre la grâce. Soyez toujours reconnaissants pour toutes les bénédictions, si petite soit-elle.

Patrick was kind enough to paint my personal angels into a portrait last year and send it to me via airmail from France. THANK YOU with all my heart Patrick!

I will be unveiling the masterpiece for the fist time ever, in an upcoming post. Subscribe to our blog for daily updates!

Relationships take us both into the light of our soul and the darkness of our subconscious. They force us to look at our shadows and to also experience the light. If we deny the light of either ourselves or the other then we relate to each other in conflict. If we deny the shadows of either ourselves or the other then we relate in illusion. Only by accepting both do we face reality and experience harmony.

We are always challenged in relationships to accept the unknown of ourselves and the unknown of the other. Therefore, meeting this challenge must be founded on trust. You need to trust that they will get whatever they need from you and that you will get whatever you need from them. Since the soul is the underlying guide of all relationships, we are always getting what we need because the soul always responds to need. If we don’t recognize the underlying soul presence, we will probably become demanding and certainly do things contrary to maintaining a healthy relationship. The problem lies only in our lack of awareness and understanding.

The key word is NEED, not desire. We are often conscious of our desires, but our needs are usually related to what we are unconscious of. We are not in relationships to have our desires fulfilled. It is up to us to fulfill our own desires and stop demanding that they be fulfilled by others. For example, if you have the desire to be loved, you must not demand it from someone else. You fulfill your need for love by expressing it. Expressing love is far more fulfilling than trying to get it from others.

We usually create difficulties in our relationships when we let our desires take over. When we don’t get our desires met – and that includes things like getting our way, getting what we want, getting love and attention, being made to feel important, being shown respect and honor – we usually get angry, sad, become selfish and self centered, resentful or revengeful. When that happens we need to stop and ask ourselves what we really need, and then give it to ourselves rather than demanding it from others.

Desires point toward our needs. When we are trapped by our desires we don’t recognize the need behind the desire. When we realize what is happening and we respond to our need or the needs of others then we have taken another step toward becoming more conscious.

Intimacy is an important aspect of all relationships, and it differs according to the relationship. Intimacy exposes the unconscious and teaches us trust. Intimacy helps us to recognize needs, and it awakens the love within us to respond to those needs. It especially empowers us to meet our own needs. Intimacy says: you are acceptable and lovable just as you are.

No. Like you, I’ve done things of which I have been ashamed. However, when we love ourselves unconditionally we don’t dwell on these past events. We don’t make them the focus of how we see ourselves. When we can we correct them. We call them mistakes and learn from them so that we don’t do them again.

When we can be kind and forgiving in this way to ourselves we are better able to be that with others. Unconditional and forgiving self-love fosters unconditional and forgiving love of others.

The Vibration of Self-Love

How you feel about yourself has a lot to do with how others feel about you. Sometimes how people feel about themselves is obvious in their appearance. We may feel that someone who walks with a severe slump, or doesn’t meet our eyes, or speaks in a barely audible voice has a low opinion of herself.

Some people speak their opinions of themselves. A person may say, “Well, I could never do that.” or “I’ve never expected much from life” or “I gave up on relationships.”

Often, though, it’s not that clear. Many of us are good at presenting a positive persona (mask) to the world. Inside, though, we may be riddled with doubts about ourselves. We may be nervous about how our remarks or appearance are received. We may meet someone to whom we’re attracted and silently affirm that (s)he would never, NEVER be interested in us. This way we avoid the fear of rejection by not taking a risk.

When I was a child, a popular (although cruel) April Fool’s joke was to put a sign which read “Kick Me” on someone’s back. The emotions and beliefs we have about our lack of lovability are subtle signs which others read as “Don’t Love Me” or “Reject Me” or “Treat Me Badly.”

Loving Yourself Is the Foundation

In order to have loving relationships with others we must have loving relationships with ourselves. That’s the first step towards answering the questions in the meditation I’ve given you to use:

What would you do if you believed you were completely responsible for the presence of love in your life? What relationships would you heal? How would you act if you believed you were the source of love in any encounter? How would you change the way you treated yourself?

Is Self-Love Egotism?

Many of us have the fear that the line between self-love and being considered a raving egomaniac is a very fine one.

We don’t like people who boast about themselves. We are very careful to be modest and self-effacing at every possible opportunity.  We minimize our accomplishments. We believe people should love us for who we are, not for what we do.

The difference between self-love and egotism can be made more clear if we take a deeper look at so-called egotism. The person who is constantly talking about himself is not someone who is filled with self-love. He is more likely someone whose inner well of self-love and self-esteem is empty. He feels the need to replenish it from outside sources.

Ego operates on the basis of fear. Ego says, “I am alone; I am separate from others. I am the only one who cares about me. There isn’t enough love in the world, and I will probably never have the love I need. I have a right to be angry, judgmental, and impatient. If I can’t have love I will take whatever substitutes are available: money, sex, drugs, power.”

In a very real sense the “egotist” is an addict. An addict to chemical substances attempts to substitute artificial means of feeling happy, peaceful, excited about life for the authentic sense of well-being which comes from knowing oneself and seeking inner harmony on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. An ego addict seeks approval from others as a substitute for doing the inner work needed for true self-acceptance and self-love.

The ego addict is trying to escape her own painful lack of self love, and asking others to say she’s lovable. Sadly, this kind of attempt usually backfires. Instead of earning approval, the person who must always talk about herself ultimately finds herself rejected. This makes her only more frantic for approval, and a cycle which is already self-defeating may become self-destructive.

There are also closet egotists, and I was one for many years. Finally I realized I was resisting the urge to talk about myself, that in my heart I was as much an egotist as those loud-mouthed people I avoided. I was just very quiet about it, and bolstered my own sense of self-love and self-esteem with a feeling of superiority that I had the strength and good sense to resist offensive behavior.

Essentially, I was as dependent on the opinion of others as were the so-called egotists who advertised their need for attention and love.

A Spiritual Perspective on Self-Love

Ultimately, we can spring free of the ego trap by understanding who we are as spiritual beings, by knowing we are both unique and part of a greater One.

Nonphysical guides offer an interpretation of what could be called the divine energy source (or divine love), describing it as the source of all consciousness, an energy which contains within itself every possibility for creative expression. This being appreciates its creations for their uniqueness, and knows that they in order to realize their full potential must be allowed to manifest as independent forms of consciousness.

All living things are here to manifest our gifts in the realm of material existence. We are the children of a loving energy which desires only that we fulfill the dreams it has dreamed of us.

A crystal wouldn’t hide its rainbows, a flower wouldn’t refuse to blossom, and a cat wouldn’t halt in the midst of an acrobatic leap out of concern that others of its species might think it a showoff. When we humans are clear about the source of our own gifts, when we know that our purpose in expressing them isn’t ego gratification, but the manifestation of our soul’s purpose, we can be as free in our expression as any other creature.

When we are in full appreciation of ourselves we can respond more compassionately to those who are not. We can recognize the insecurity which lies beneath the words of people who must praise themselves, and feel the effort they are making to convince themselves that they’re worthy through convincing us. Instead of either judging them negatively for their way of being or feeding their habit through praise we can find ways of expressing appreciation for them for who they are, not for what they do.

When we recognize that self-love honors ourselves and our spiritual source, we also realize that exercising our gifts is a generous act of sharing. We also discover that with this perspective we can honor the uniqueness of others and our connection to them.

Just as a lack of self-love has a vibration, so does unconditional self-love. It has a quiet, steady radiance which draws others to its light.

Crystals and Essences for Self-Love

This month’s Living with Crystals will have detailed descriptions of some of the crystals and essences which can help to create a condition of self-love. This information is also taken from the Love’s Journey course.

If you’re not already subscribed to Living with Crystals and would like to be please go to http://www.rainbowcrystal.com/subscribe.html

Below are brief descriptions of crystals and essences for loving oneself.

Crystals

Rose quartz is the foundation crystal for fostering self-love. It helps to heal the painful memory of all the times we wanted love and didn’t receive it.

A fundamental crystal for fostering self-esteem is citrine, which deals also with the appropriate use of personal power, and abundance.

Pink Calcite helps to release old and hurtful emotional patterns so that the heart can be open to receive and give unconditional love. Emerald

Emerald is a green stone which is related to love, and is especially helpful for those who give love in order to receive it. It also relates to universal love and compassion.

Essences

Holly (Bach) is an important essence for releasing envy, jealousy, and hatred.

Larch (Bach) is a primary essence for self-confidence and self-esteem.

Mariposa Lily (FES) particularly relates to one’s relationship to one’s mother, and helps us to take responsibility for nurturing ourselves, and thus to create the loving mother within.

Sunflower (FES) helps us to balance ego energies, and is especially helpful in healing one’s relationship with one’s father.

Ever dated a man who you shared an incredible connection with, but then he suddenly wanted his “freedom”?

Or he said he “wasn’t ready” when you started to get close?

What’s going on here? Why does this happen for so many women?

To learn to avoid these kinds of common male responses to a new relationship, and to know exactly what to do instead that will make a man feel inspired and excited for a relationship with you the way he hasn’t felt with any other woman – you need to read this article.

Are you one of the many single women in the world who would make an AMAZING PARTNER for a man…. but can’t even find a decent date?

Do you ever feel like it’s impossible to understand what a man is thinking when it comes to “dating” and relationships?

Do you ever wish that you could just skip the “games” and the uncertainty that come with dating and get straight to something REAL?

If so, I want to share with you a few important ways to stop missing out on the love and
connection you’re looking for, and start finding and creating what you want.

There’s something I want to know about you first, though.

I wonder how often this has happened to you:

You meet a man you find attractive and you go out on a date…

The date goes better than you imagined, and you find him even more interesting and desirable than
you thought you would.

You feel great around him and the conversation flows.

You both connect with each other and have all kinds of unbelievable things in common.

The more time you spend with him, the more you become excited about where things could go… and that you’ve finally met a man who’s fun, attractive AND who actually seems open and healthy as a person.

To top it off, the chemistry you share is AMAZING… and you share a steamy good-night kiss that proves it.

You can tell he’s feeling it, too.

This is something more than just another date. It’s more than two people spending time together.

This is something special and real.

That’s why you can’t help yourself…

Before you even hear from him again, you’re telling your girlfriends all about him, what a great time you had, what it’s like when you’re together… and when you’re going to see each other next.

You’re VERY excited about your new man.

You imagine introducing him to your friends.

You even allow yourself a fantasy or two about all the fun things you’ll do together in the weeks to come and what your life together could be like.

You have a GREAT FEELING about this.

Best of all, he’s calling you, emailing, and he wants to see you all the time.

And he’s not only attractive and charming- it turns out he’s a really good person, too.

After a few more dates you’re intimate with him because you feel so comfortable together. And the
sex is AMAZING.

Things are going so great that you say to yourself, “At last! A real man I truly connect with. I
better not screw this up!”

But just then you realize how much he is starting to mean to you… and in the back of your mind it kind of freaks you out.

And it’s then that the dating and relationship nightmares from your past flash back in your
mind…

You don’t want to feel the pain you felt in the past ever again… and you start to feel afraid
that the same things could happen again.

Your mind races with fear and anxiety.

But to keep it together you put faith in the situation and in this man. You tell yourself that it’s different this time, and that he isn’t one of those other guys.

And to make sure things keep moving forward in the right direction, you start trying a little harder with him to get it right this time.

You do all kinds of nice things for him.

You make the effort to find out all about him, understand him, and help him out with the things that are going on for him in his life.

You even start to do things like favors, errands, etc., just because you want him to know how much you care and to be close to him.

In the back of your mind you really hope he’ll recognize all the great things you’re doing for him, and how amazing you and your relationship can be.

With all you’re doing for him and your relationship, he’d be crazy not to want to be with you.

But after a few more dates, suddenly something starts to feel WRONG…

That same easy and free way of loving and being with each other suddenly feels different.

You realize how much you’re doing for him and all the ways you’re trying… and suddenly it
hits you

He isn’t making much of an effort to do anything for you or your relationship. Not the way you are with him.

Then you realize that he’s been calling you less than he used to.

He doesn’t seem as excited to be with you and share his thoughts and feelings as he used to be at first.

He even stops making much in the way of plans, and starts doing a lot of other things he wasn’t doing before.

And since you don’t want to keep calling him, you wait for his call… hoping he’ll make weekend plans with you.

But Thursday comes, and then Friday, and still no call.

Your worst fears are starting to be realized. But you don’t want to overreact.

So even though you’re hurt and upset that he didn’t call you… you want to be with him, so you reluctantly call him.

You tell yourself there must be a good reason and that he’s been busy or something.

When you finally get ahold of him, he doesn’t even sound like the same guy.

He talks like he hardly knows you and you’ve never been close.

You try to be casual and ask him what he’s been doing, but you want to know what he’s been doing
and why he hasn’t called you.

Then you find out he’s been going out and doing things with friends and other people.

Arggggh! He didn’t even invite you! Wait a minute…

Aren’t you two an “item”? Shouldn’t you be doing something TOGETHER on weekends and in your free time?

You start feeling really FRUSTRATED and CONFUSED.

Maybe he doesn’t see what’s going on, so you decide to let him know how you feel and “call him on it.”

You tell him how upset you felt that he didn’t ask you to hang out with him and his friends.

And you ask him what’s going on, and why he’s being this way with you.

But he doesn’t respond the way you’d want or expect him too.

Instead of listening to you and your feelings… he gets irritated and ANGRY with you. As though you’re “hassling” him.

After some arguing and back and forth, he seems to shift gears in the conversation and says something that really makes your heart SINK.

Something that you had a gut FEELING you’d hear from him with this going on-

He tells you,

“Look… you’re great, but the truth is that I’m not ready or in the right place for any kind of ’serious’ relationship right now.”

And he goes on to tell you about all the things going on in his life that are taking up his time and energy… and that he doesn’t know how to settle down right now.

Ouch.

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT!?

Why is he acting like you’re going to get in the way of the rest of his life?

Why did he ask you out in the first place, and spend all that time sharing himself, being with you, and connecting with you if he didn’t want a relationship all along?

Couldn’t he have told you that when you first met, instead of asking you out?

Why did he spend all that time with you and sleep with you if he didn’t want to be with you?

And how come he doesn’t recognize or appreciate all the things you bring to his life, and all the things that you do for him?

At this point, you feel incredibly hurt, frustrated, unappreciated, and misunderstood.

You even become intensely UPSET and ANGRY with him, and with yourself. How could you have misunderstood what was happening and not seen this coming!?

Why did he do all the things he did, and why did he SAY all those things that made you think HE WANTED a relationship with you?

Now, if you’ve experienced a situation like this with a man before… then I really feel for you.

It STINKS.

If you want to learn how to avoid this kind of situation in the first place in your future, and you’d prefer to have a man “pursuing” and “courting” you… then you need to read THIS

It will help you know what to do when a great guy who you share a real connection, chemistry, and attraction with PULLS AWAY from you just as you start to get closer and a little more “serious.”

To learn how, when and why a man will start to naturally RESIST a relationship with a woman the more intense the feelings between him and her are… and to know exactly what to do to keep your relationship growing and moving forward without his FEAR and RESISTANCE getting in the way, go HERE

Now, back to our story and this frustratingly common situation women run into with men.

In the story above, for lots of women the story doesn’t end when the man says he’s not ready
for anything serious.

Why?

Because they either don’t want to listen to the man… or they refuse to believe him.

And then what happens?

Some women actually go on to spend the next few weeks or maybe even MONTHS doing everything they can to try and win the guy back.

They think that if they can just get him to stop ignoring what it is that they share, and to not be afraid… that the guy will “come to his senses” and come back to them.

WRONG!

If you’ve ever been in this situation, or known a woman who was, here are the 5 most common ways women respond that don’t work and push men away or turn them off for good:

1) Pretending you don’t want anything serious either and keep on sleeping with the man “casually” in hopes that things will grow from the “physical relationship”

2) Staying close to him by trying to become his “best friend” as you help him in his life and with his problems – all the while imagining the “payoff” of a real relationship for your good deeds once he recognizes how great you are

3) Trying to make him jealous by telling him you’re seeing other guys, even if you’re not. Or going out with other guys and doing things with them not because you like them, but because you want him to find out and want you back

4) Getting mad at him and telling him he’s dumb, immature, and acting like a little BOY… and that he’s just scared of a real relationship and a commitment – and then trying to get him to have a relationship with you to “fix” himself

5) Trying to make him interested in you by complimenting him, doing nice things for him, taking up things he’s interested in to be around him… and being available to him at anytime he should show interest. This is kind of like trying to be his “best friend,” but different since it’s often still sexual.

Now, I’m guessing that you recognized at least one of these responses as you were reading through them.

As you read yours, you probably thought “Oh no, that was me!”… and now you see your behavior in a slightly different light.

In fact, maybe you see you’ve made a couple of these mistakes with men.

Here’s the thing…

None of these responses ever work with men.

Ever.

Feel free to ask your girlfriends and your guy friends if you don’t believe me.

Doing these things with a man is like instant MAN-REPELLENT.

But, strangely enough, even though these universally don’t get men to respond in any positive way… these are still the most common ways that women who don’t understand men and dating respond.

Which begs the question…

Why do so many women make these same mistakes in the first place? And why are these so universally common?

The short answer is this-

If a woman makes these kinds of mistakes with men, it’s NOT because she “learned” it by seeing it work for other women with other men.

Absolutely not.

It’s because she does WHAT MAKES SENSE to HER in the moment.

But guess what?

If you’ve spent enough time around men, then you’ve probably discovered that men DON’T MAKE MUCH SENSE.

See where I’m going here?

If you try and use what makes sense to YOU as a woman with a man… odds are you’re going to get very poor results.

Which means…

If you want to start getting better outcomes and results when it comes to men, and you want to be able to communicate with a man in a way that brings him closer…

Then you’re going to have to learn to STOP doing what makes “sense” to you…

And START doing what it is that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTED and MORE INTERESTED in you.

In other words – the biggest challenge most women run into when it comes to “breaking through” to men and getting past the surface dating stuff and into a real relationship with a real man is not being able to see past their own MINDSET and the approach they’ve been using that hasn’t worked.

If you have the wrong mindset, and the thus the wrong approach when it comes to men and dating… then it practically guarantees you’re going to fail from the very beginning.

Seriously.

But if you can learn to understand how your mindset affects how you interpret and respond to a man…

And you can start to get the kind of PERSPECTIVE or AWARENESS that will lead you to knowing what’s really going on with him, and how to respond…

Then things are quickly and naturally going to fall into place for you.

By the way, if you’d like to learn from what I honestly think is one of the world’s best resources for quickly understanding how men think, discovering what attracts them, and shifting your mindset and perspective for easy and effortless success … I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you check out the eBook “Catch Him & Keep Him.”

You can download it below right now and be reading it in literally a few minutes. Best of all, You can read the entire thing at zero cost before you decide if you’d want to purchase it.

Get all the details and go download it right here now:

http://www.catchhimkeephim.com/

One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his “EMOTIONAL RESISTANCE” to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where THE
MAN is leading the woman into a committed relationship.

Where HE is asking HER to COMMIT TO HIM.

But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.

For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitment process works for him

2) How to make him want to be with you and lead
you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and
healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved
and fulfilled by it

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

So don’t wait for your relationship to figure itself out if you’re in one.

Don’t wait for a man to figure it out and make your relationship work for you.

Don’t wait until you’re dating the right guy and in a great relationship to learn how to help it grow and make it work with him.

Make it happen now.

Learn more, and get more free information right here …

Read Part 2 of this Article