Difficulty Trusting? How To Rebiuld Trust in a Relationship

Not long ago a woman posted a blog comment stating that she (illegally) installed a monitoring program on her husband’s computer “to see what he was up to.”

Why is it that you have to push, and push just to get your spouse to admit something, but they continue to lie to your face?

…that is until you have proof. The quick answer may be that your spouse may not know HOW to rebuild the honesty.

If so, you are not a lone. Like the woman who commented, trust and honesty are BIG problems. In fact it’s one of the single biggest problems couples face after an affair.

People honestly believe they know how to have open honest relationships. But honesty without this key ingredient (more on this in a second) is useless.

What I find most of the time is that VERY FEW people know how to rebuild honesty. That means people on both sides.

Many desperate people push and push their spouse to be open, but what they are doing is pushing them away by doing and saying the wrong things. For example, you may want to know why your spouse came home 35 minutes late, but your spouse may actually be afraid to give you those details. Why?

…because of the emotional outcome. Think about that for a second. They may be afraid of making matters worse. Even if they were stuck in traffic, they don’t understand how to communicate the truth. My colleague Dr. Gunzburg has been helping couples for 35 years and three years ago we asked him to outline a specific program that teaches couples how to trust each other again.

Our requirements were simple. Teach a couple who doesn’t feel connected, in love and at odds and show them how to start over with a fresh clean slate. Dr. Gunzburg knew exactly what to do.

Inside this new program, Dr. Gunzburg teaches you how to create a relationship where nothing is hidden and everything is exposed. Imagine pure honesty, and love surrounded by a protective fence where no adulterous woman (or man) can get in. This is possible and he can teach you, BUT…

…before you become too excited, let me warn you. You may not get exactly what you want. At least right away. This approach will most likely be completely different than what you think you know. However the success ratio for his clients has been very high.

You don’t even need to have a willing spouse (at first).

For example, he doesn’t preach forgiveness, he teaches something else… which completely takes the pressure off you and your spouse.

In addition you’ll avoid saying “I’m sorry.” Those two words, especially after an affair usually do more harm than good. Instead he’ll coach you to do something else…

In Dr. Gunzburg’s 35 years he’s discovered 5 major factors that go into rebuilding honesty. Not building, I said REBUILDING. There is a big difference. Let me explain.

Last year about this time a couple I knew lost their house to a fire. Almost 75% of the house was destroyed. After they tore down the structure, they thought about rebuilding on the foundation. After speaking to several engineers they were quickly advised to tear the foundation up. Why?

Water inside the pipes of their walls and their radiant floors froze after the fire and the structural integrity was compromised.

That is why they rebuilt their house… from foundation to roof. And that is why you need to learn the strategy for rebuilding the honesty (especially after an affair.)

Recently we released a brand a program designed to help Rebuild the Honesty and teach you this special principle I’ve been talking about.

The principle that allows you to rebuild from the ground up.

 

This Program is for Couples
Who Need to Eliminate the Lies

 

This will be your manual if you really need help in this area. Dr. Gunzburg’s program will show you both how to develop true honesty by doing this one special thing. His new program isn’t fancy. In fact it’s something you can download right away. However it’s different and there are 3 very special parts to the program.

In fact it is a audio interview where he actually talks directly to you and gives you advice you can use right now. The interview is 1 hour and 35 minutes. You will learn specifically what to do and say. You will learn very specific techniques for talking to your spouse. This program is designed to teach the injured and the cheating spouse what to do.

In addition there is a 58 page program that outlines each of the principles with very clear instructions.

This isn’t theory, these are clear instructions. All you have to do is follow them and they will work.

If your relationship feels like you cannot trust each other, than please invest in this program right now. It is very affordable at $39. Here’s is just a sample of what you will receive.

• How to diagnose which area of trust is leaking (and how to seal it).

• This communication strategy will erase all suspicion and help your injured spouse feel safe again .

• How to convince your spouse the affair is over.

• The correct way to listen and help your spouse feel understood.

• 5 ways to build a transparent relationship. (Practicing this with your spouse will help you develop open and free communication.)

• How to motivate your partner to share everything with you without making them feel like they are attached at the hip.

• How to get your spouse to openly express their thoughts and feelings with you. (This strategy will help you reinforce the good things in your relationship and eliminate problems as they arise – eliminating any new resentment.)

• How to get a clean slate and start all over again. (This process isn’t easy, but it has proven effective for rebuilding trust and keeping the relationship healthy and strong for years.)

• 3 questions you need to answer when you’ve have an affair. (These are the top 3 three questions your partner wants to know in order to start over.)

• How to keep the lines of communication free and open without shutting each other out. (There are 11 things that will instantly kill your chances at redeveloping a deep emotional connection. How many of these mistakes are you making?)

• How to move on in your relationship and reduce the probability that another affair will happen again. (I will show you how to agree on new boundaries that will help you both feel safe and secure without feeling trapped, imprisoned or micro managed.)

• How to build a fence around your relationship and keep danger out. (When trouble comes knocking, you will both know how the kick it out.)

Use this link to access the order page. Once you order you can immediately download the program, workbook and the mp3 interview so you can burn a CD or put it on your ipod.

How to Rebuild the Honesty

Remember, everything you do right now in your relationship is either helpful or harmful. You can choose to make things better or worse.

Use this link now to get started. We offer this program with a full 3-month guarantee. Use it… if you don’t results soon, we’ll issue you a refund.

How to Rebuild the Honesty will give you specific step-by-step strategies you need to save your relationship and start over with a clean slate.

Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage!

How To Fall In Love Again After An Affair

3 Necessary Ingredients for Falling in Love Again

After an affair, when your marriage has been through a meltdown, you may wonder how to pick up, move forward—and feel love for your spouse once again.

Maybe you’ve done the work necessary to save and rebuild your marriage: worked through negative thoughts and images, and gotten off the emotional rollercoaster to something resembling solid ground. Many couples want to know: how do I fall in love with my spouse again?

In this blog, I’ll give you three key ingredients that need to be in place in order to be successful at finding love once more with your spouse.

Moving toward Love

When your spouse cheats, it unleashes a torrent of negativity into your relationship. If you cheated, you may feel your spouse hates you—and they may think they do, too.

But if you have been working together to save your marriage, it’s safe to say that underneath the pain and suffering wrought by the affair’s revelation, there is more than likely some remaining feelings of love. Love is a strong emotion and bond, and even an affair isn’t always powerful enough to break it.

Marriages have to weather many storms—and an affair ranks up there with death of loved ones in terms of intensity of storm-weathering. In fact, it’s possible that there are other points within the marriage where one or both partners may feel as if they’ve fallen out of love, without an affair being the cause.

If you and/or your spouse truly want to be in love again, it is possible. It’s also possible to build a stronger marriage than you ever had before.

After your spouse cheats, you may think this is the last thing that could ever happen. But there are many marriages that, after experiencing a complete rupture of the relationship, are able to mend it into something with a more solid foundation.

Often, those weak areas that were never addressed as foundational rules early in the relationship are now woven into the relationship, binding the partners together better than ever before.

To get to the point of falling in love again, let’s look at the ingredients that need to be in place in your relationship.

Necessary Relationship Ingredients for Falling in Love Again

Falling in love again will take time, as well as commitment and resolve in working to save your marriage. After an affair, you know that things must change in your relationship. Those changes take time and practice.

Three of the ingredients that are part of these relationship improvements include:

Ingredient #1: Transparency

After an affair, a sense of trust in your spouse (or your spouse’s trust in you) has been ruptured. Clandestine activities took place, and there is no reason for the victim of an affair to assume that just because a cheater says so—clandestine activities aren’t still happening or will happen again.

By developing a code of transparency, where you share what you’re doing and who you are seeing with your spouse, feelings of trust can be rebuilt. This type of sharing is a habit that must be formed to help the trust rupture heal, enabling a feeling of safety within the relationship to be experienced once more.

Ingredient #2: Conflict Resolution

The way you and your spouse have traditionally resolved conflicts may need an overhaul. If every disagreement dissolved into screaming fits and/or silent treatments—then it’s time to look at more meaningful ways to respectfully handle differences.

You won’t always agree 100% with your spouse. You are both individuals. But, creating an atmosphere of caring and understanding can help rebuild your marriage bonds. It’s hard to feel a sense of love if one or both spouses feel they aren’t respected, their opinion isn’t appreciated, and they aren’t understood.

Conflict resolution is another habit that must be formed, with clear parameters to help you handle conflicts in a collaborative way.

Ingredient #3: Communication

Many couples feel that the root of their problems is their inability to effectively communicate with one another. That can mean you don’t know how to tell your spouse what you need, or your spouse feels you don’t listen to him or her. Or, maybe your spouse asks questions that only provide an opportunity for you to respond with a “yes” or “no,” so no true conversation takes place.

To fall in love again, you need to be able to communicate effectively with your spouse—and that means identifying where communication is coming up short between you. Good communication is a skill, and practicing the art of conversation is another habit to form, bringing you closer to your spouse.

My best wishes for you as you move forward in your marriage and find love once again with your spouse.

Are you ready to fall in love with your spouse again?

What are the roadblocks to falling in love with him or her?

Are the three relationship ingredients within this blog present in your marriage right now?

What type of work do you think you both will need to do before you’re able to say “I love my spouse again?”

Please share your thoughts and experiences regarding falling in love again with your spouse by leaving a comment below.

Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,

Stephanie Anderson
Editor-in-Chief
Marriage Sherpa