Merry Christmas!
Tomorrow is Christmas once again. Most people will be spending it with their parents, or spouses, or children. I, like a minority of people in America, will be spending it by myself. And though it is Christmas, I won’t be spending it quite like most people. While others are opening their presents, eating Christmas dinner, and other family traditions, I’ll be reflecting on Christmases past. I’ll remember how good I had it and the love that surrounded me. But I’ll also be giving thanks for how good I have it now too. Though some circumstances have changed, I’m still very blessed, and it’s important to acknowledge that. I am very grateful for my life. I hope you are too. I know there are good things coming too. All things in their time.
So in this season of hope, love, and happiness, I hope you have plenty of all of these.
Merry Christmas!
Happy Holidays?
It’s that time of year again, when we increase our weight and our debt in equal measures as we celebrate the holidays. It’s also the time of year to spend with ‘family’. Family, the word we give to the collection of people in our lives related to us by blood or marriage. And by far the biggest source of stress in most people’s lives at this time of year.
Before we go any further, I think it only fair to add this disclaimer: I am single and my family lives halfway across the country. What you are going to read is more than a little influenced by this.
Some of you now may be thinking that family is not a source of stress, and love spending as much time with them as you can at the holidays. If so, great! I’m very happy for you, and you are fortunate. The world needs as much happiness as it can get, and what I’m about to say won’t apply to you at all.
This question is for those of you who have ‘dysfunctional’ families. Ok, let’s take off the gloves and be frank. Chances are it’s not just dysfunctional, it’s downright toxic. My question is this: why do you do it? Why do you voluntarily subject yourself to situations, year after year, that make you miserable? Is there something compelling about the drama? I really don’t understand it.
I have friends that spend time with their family, being uncomfortable, unhappy, or are made to feel inferior, and then I hear about it later. Now, I have no problem with my friends venting to me when they need to – better to let it go than hold it in. But the question I still haven’t gotten a good answer to from any of them yet is, why is everyone else’s happiness more important than yours? I don’t mean that from a selfish only my happiness matters perspective, but a why are you making yourself miserable perspective. For me, if it comes down to someone has to be unhappy, it’s going to be someone else. And that’s not as bad as it may sound at first.
It’s not as bad because I’ve learned a very important lesson – the only person responsible for my happiness is me. Not my family, my friends, my pets, or anyone else. Me. I choose whether I’m happy or not, and sometimes I do that by not doing certain things, going certain places – or being with certain people. I’ll be honest – I love my family, but our relationship works much better with distance between us. It’s a big reason I still live half a country away.
In case you’re wondering, I’ll put this to rest too – I am currently single, no girlfriend, so no potential inlaws to deal with either, though I hope when my soulmate comes along that I’ll fit into her family really well. In the meantime, I’m perfectly happy for it to be me, the dog, the cats, and the tv as usual.
One last thing. If you’re still spending time around people that make you unhappy around the holidays, or any time, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Nothing will change until you do.
Balance and Tension
January 26, 2011 by Lilly
Filed under Family, Love & Relationships
We live in a world of opposites that we often experience as conflict. But fortunately everything eventually balances with its opposite – absolutely everything! The nature of duality implies an underlying unity. So whenever one side of duality is isolated, expressed or identified, the opposite is always a potential and immediately sought. One side of any duality cannot exist by itself, except through repression of its opposite. Or said another way, one side does not exist by itself and cannot be isolated except in a hypothetical sense. What holds a duality together to create a unity is tension.
Tension is the bond of opposites. It is because of tension that growth takes place and evolution is possible. There are always forces operating against each other, and it is this which makes life interesting, exciting, challenging, frustrating and fulfilling. All healthy and growing relationships embody this tension. Two people who are very similar might have a pleasant relationship but they are unlikely to be catalysts for each others growth.
When a person does something contrary to one’s nature or inherent goodness, there is an impulse to balance it with something natural and good. This is conscience, we say. But conscience is the voice of balance within the psyche. So, too, when a person does or expresses something in a positive or good way, there is an impulse toward the negative or dark side. Many people, because of their superficiality or ignorance, act on this impulse, manifesting it outwardly through negative behavior. The result of the negative behavior, which was considered acceptable because of rationalization when done, often leads to guilt or some self-recrimination, which then might lead to some positive choice or another negative act, depending on the consciousness of the individual.
The negative impulse, following positive expressions, has the purpose of making us aware of some inner negative within our subconscious that is wanting to surface in order to be resolved. Through this kind of awareness, there grows the ability to express increasingly the light, love and power that naturally exists within each of us. Through awareness we become empowered and we eventually realize that we have choice in every situation, that we can choose to respond or to react.
It is interesting to observe the principle that all energy follows the path of least resistance. Another principle of life is that tension always seeks resolution. Putting the two principles together we can say that tension always seeks resolution through the path of least resistance. Examples of this might be that ignorance seeks awareness through the experience of not knowing what is needed or desired in any given situation; fear seeks courage through the experience of feeling inadequate; fear seeks love through the experience of being separate or isolated.
Whenever we want to create something, make some changes or expand consciousness in some way, we need to create the appropriate tension that will bring the results (resolution) that we are looking for. The question we ask must be the right question related to our goal or direction. This means we must choose our words carefully.
The greatest tension for expanding consciousness and ‘creating soul’ is the tension of opposites between personality and soul, such as the simultaneous presence of fear (personality) and courage (soul). The fear prompts one to fight or flight, while the courage prompts one to stand up to what needs to be faced. These opposite urges naturally and strongly seek resolution so action can take place. Tension would cease if either of the opposites was repressed or avoided. Both must remain equally present in order for a transformation to occur.
A similar tension that is experienced quite often is the basic fear-love opposition. The soul’s nature is love which constantly seeks union, cooperation, and support with the other. The personality’s tendency, rooted in a sense of separateness and fear, seeks security, individuality, control and independence. While the personality dominates there is no tension. When the personality is passive or not active and soul seeks to inspire or express, there is also no tension. There needs to be active participation on both parts, soul and personality, to create tension.
When there is wounding, crisis or even inspiration, the soul often becomes active and creates a tension with the personality. This tension seeks resolution, which is not a suppression of either side of the tension, but a union of the two to create something greater. This results in a deeply authentic expression of one’s true nature.
If we want to keep a creative process moving along, we need to ask the questions and be open to the answers that do not stop the process. Every resolution must give rise to a new tension to keep a process moving. If you ask: “How should I do this?” and you answer: “I don’t know,” you have a resolution that does not create further tension. The process then stops. One answer that would create further tension might be, “I could be more open to …” You do not have to give a final or definitive answer to questions, but an answer that is honest or plausible, but which can give rise to another question.
This same process must be applied when seeking to become more authentic. Ask questions related to authenticity, and give answers that create new tensions to keep the process going further and further into the center of one’s being – to the transpersonal levels of life.
The most basic question to ask often regarding one’s authentic nature is: who am I? Obviously there is no definitive answer. But whenever we ask ourselves this question we must give ourselves an answer which can be questioned further. For every answer ask another question that takes you deeper into understanding and connection with your true self.
The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction
January 4, 2011 by Angelique
Filed under Family, Love & Relationships, Marriage
NEW in paperback, Arielle Ford’s THE SOULMATE SECRET, the international bestseller that has sparked THOUSANDS of happy marriages.
Have you ever wondered what it takes to find the love of your life?
Is it your dream to find a life partner who will love, cherish and adore you?
Thirteen years ago, my good friend Arielle Ford manifested the love of her life and became a first-time bride at age 44. In her bestselling book, The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of your Life with the Law of Attraction, she reveals the exact prayers, rituals, processes and projects she used to manifest her soulmate.
If you desire to manifest TRUE LOVE, this guide is for YOU.
In The Soulmate Secret Arielle provides step-by-step instruction that shows you how to take control of your romantic destiny by using the Law of Attraction. She knows, from personal experience, that finding true love is possible for anyone (at any age) if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love.
“I reveal the exact techniques I used to bring my soulmate into my life at age forty-four. And yes, they’ll work for you, at any age.”
Arielle and her soulmate, Brian, have been happily married for over twelve years. In The Soulmate Secret she shares powerful techniques to prepare your mind, body, spirit and home for the soulmate your heart truly desires.
This ancient formula reveals that our Universe is set up to deliver the people and things into our lives that are consistent with our personal belief system.
Think you’ve already “tried” everything? YOU’RE WRONG! Chances are, you have left out some of the MOST important ingredients, like:
* Daily “feelingizations”
* Feathering the nest
* Living as if
* Savoring the waiting
WHAT ARE “FEELINGIZATIONS?”
THE SOULMATE SECRET includes Arielle’s original “feelingizations,” a series of unique processes that are the “missing link” to the manifestation process. These gentle, guided meditations allow you to re-experience feelings of love and appreciation in order to begin powerfully manifesting NEW LOVE.
To begin manifesting your soulmate NOW, click here
Arielle will introduce you to a dozen men and women who have used these techniques to manifest love, including readers of all ALL ages from around the world who have found true love using The Soulmate Secret as their guide.
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?
Buy THE SOULMATE SECRET today and receive INSTANT gifts to get you started RIGHT NOW, including a 90-minute audio workshop, an e-book, a visioning video and much more!
If you are serious about having Love in your life in 2011 now is the time to take action!!
Buy the book, then visit www.soulmatesecretbook.com for your free Gifts!
What People Are Saying:
“The Soulmate Secret will inspire you and give you a glimpse that this can be a magical journey and you can truly attract, manifest and find your soulmate.” – Deepak Chopra, author of Buddha
“Arielle Ford provides a beautiful way to let go of any hurts of the past and bring new love into your life today. Practical, inspiring, and hopeful, The Soulmate Secret leaves even the most cynical about love ready to find a soulmate.” – Marianne Williamson, author of Age of Miracles
“Arielle Ford, in inspiring and encouraging terms, offers from her direct experience how to prepare in consciousness, heart and spirit to magnetize, recognize and respond to the soul’s call for an authentic, conscious love relationship.”
- Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation
Happy Thanksgiving!
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BE the Change in Your World This Thanksgiving
Donating to the needy might not be at the top of everyone’s shopping list, but that’s why physical reminders of the importance of giving are needed. Caught up in the commotion of our own lives, we can all use help overcoming the distractions and indifference that prevents us from helping to alleviate suffering in our communities.
For many of us, it’s a Thanksgiving tradition to drop a few coins in the Salvation Army’s red kettle outside our local grocery. It’s quick, easy, and has real impact – last year, more than $139 million was raised by red kettles to provide services ranging from hot meals to warm beds for homeless and impoverished Americans.
This year the need is greater than ever, with more than 44 million Americans on food stamps.
While you’re out doing your grocery shopping today or tomorrow, be on the lookout for stressed-out impoverished moms who don’t have enough money to buy good food, and slip them a five, a ten, or a twenty. It is not going to make a difference in your life-style. And when you see those worn-looking children in the cart, or hanging on the moms, be sure to compliment the mom on what a good job she is doing, managing her child in a crowded store in these times when money is so tight.
It’s difficult to give people money sometimes without them acting a little insulted. Here’s how we do it: We put money in five or ten envelopes, inside a little card. On the outside, we write, “To a good mom.” On the inside, we write “Here’s your bonus for being a good parent. Maybe you can buy something extra healthy for your child and you to eat. Happy Thanksgiving from Someone who cares..”
Then I say “Congratulations,” and slip away.
Pledge to do your part to fight hunger in your own community this holiday season. In giving thanks this week for what we have, let’s not forget to also extend a hand to those in need.
BE the change in your world.
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something.” Helen Keller
Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings
November 9, 2010 by Lilly
Filed under Books, Family, Love & Relationships
Relationships do not really end – they only become redefined. And no matter what experiences we have, they all afford us opportunities for growth and great Self-realization.
“Who among us hasn’t been devastated by the loss of a relationship – whether through separation, divorce, or death? Most of the time, we can’t see beyond the present moment and mistakenly believe that life could never be as good without that other person in our daily lives. By the end of the journey through Lissa Coffey’s book, Closure, we come to realize that we will be better for having loved, and life will be even sweeter when we start to live it again!”
Through the myriad forms of relationships we experience over the course of a lifetime, we have the opportunity to learn about ourselves-to see how each relationship, no matter how challenging or difficult or joyful, causes us to change, to grow, and even to discover unknown inner strengths. In Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings, lifestyle and relationship expert Lissa Coffey show us how the Law of Relationship works to our benefit to help us improve our lives.
The universe teaches us that relationships don’t end,” Coffey says. “We remain connected to the people in our lives through our memories and shared experiences. Coming to terms with the changes in our relationships is what will bring us closure.” With real-life examples, Transformation Applications, and Wisdom Affirmations throughout, Coffey has created a practical, spiritual guide that offers a five-step process to help us achieve a sought-for peace of mind and greater Self-realization.
How To Avoid the “Affair Disease”
July 7, 2010 by Guest Post
Filed under Family, Love & Relationships
Continuing the trend of celebrities caught with their pants down – literally and figuratively – is Jesse James, estranged husband to Sandra Bullock.
Psychologically, celebrities and politicians are more prone toward a self-medicated high to temporarily cancel out the stressful emotions they feel, as I explain in “Adultery the Forgivable Sin.”
Of course, I’m not suggesting that this can excuse their actions – rather it’s a reason why news of politicians and celebrities engaging in affairs is, sadly, relatively common. This type of behavior is becoming an epidemic and is a disease similar to alcoholism – and it’s time to stop it.
We need to stop glamorizing it, or – alternatively – bastardizing it, accept that it happens and move on. I believe that we CAN cure and forgive adultery (an idea I go into in-depth in my book by the same name.) Politicians have a high burn out rate and they’re looking to alleviate the pressure and stress – what I call the biochemical craving for connection.
This can easily become a self-enforcing cycle: politicians and others of us under a lot of stress (and let’s face it, nowadays who ISN’T under a lot of stress!?) are looking for a release from this constant pressure.
An illicit affair provides the biochemical connection we’re craving, along with that high and thrill of a new romance. But keeping up the charade only causes more pressure. And so the cycle perpetuates itself.
What can we learn from Sanford, Edwards, Woods, James (and others like him)?
1). The behaviors that stimulate these feelings can easily become addictive.
For instance, for any addict, the choice to self-medicate in any number of ways—with alcohol, medications, sex, or money—can begin with a desire to relieve stress or mute depression. The addiction then progresses to a preoccupation with where their next “fix” will come from, and often involves a strong desire to create rituals around obtaining the “high.” This preoccupation becomes a compulsion—to use drugs or alcohol, or to have sex, or to shop—followed by depression and despair as the effects wear off, leading to the beginning of the cycle all over again.
2). It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” instead.
Many cheating partners use an affair to self medicate a deeper problem within the marriage.
3). Learn what your subconscious is telling you before it’s too late.
Affairs are a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. Don’t make the mistake of acting and not talking – it’s impossible to take back such a decision.
4.) Statistics tell the story
50% of first marriages end in divorce, 66% of 2nd marriages, and 70% of third marriages end in divorce. My book, out in paperback now, Make Up Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, has new chapters and advice for how to heal, communicate effectively and stay together, offering couples real hands on techniques for overcoming adversity.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is internationally acclaimed and one of America’s best-known relationship experts; named by New York Magazine as one of the city’s top therapists. Join her for a Sex, Money and Infidelity teleconference, June 30th at 4 pm with fellow relationship expert and author Tammy Nelson. You can also sign up for her Newsletter here. Dr. Bonnie has appeared on the The Today show, CBS Saturday Early Show, Oprah!, A Current Affair, The View, Sally, Ricki Lake, Montel, Maury Povich, and Extra. Her work has also been featured in Good Housekeeping, The New York Times, New York Daily News, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal and many others.
Additional Reading: How To Survive An Affair
Love and Evolution: Authentic Self, Unique Self w/ Andrew Cohen
June 9, 2010 by Lilly
Filed under Family, Love & Relationships
Join Us Saturday, June 12th! Andrew Cohen and Marc Gafni will continue their discussion on the nature of relationships from the perspective of evolutionary enlightenment and world spirituality in this week’s Future of Love dialogue. If you’ve ever wanted to transform your relationship into an expression of the evolutionary impulse, awaken into your fullest authentic self, and learn how your relationships might emerge as an expression of your fully awakened Uniqueness, you won’t want to miss this installation of the Future of Love Teleseries!
Join us on Facebook and engage our weekly discussion forum after each live call.
How to Participate
Listen live by phone or online, or download the recording anytime.
Hosted by Dr. Marc Gafni
Saturday, June 12th
11-12:30pm PT, 12-1:30pm MT, 1-2:30pm CT, 2-3:30pm ET
Find your time zone here
Listen live by phone
Dial: 303-390-0043 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 303-390-0043 end_of_the_skype_highlighting
Access code: 014483#
Listen live online
Click Here
In case you missed it, click here to download our previous dialogues
Click Here
*There will be many people on the live call. To secure your spot, please dial-in early. Otherwise, we’ll see you on the webcast!
Andrew Cohen is the founder of EnlightenNext and editor-in-chief of EnlightenNext magazine (formerly What Is Enlightenment?). He is an American spiritual teacher and visionary thinker widely recognized for his original contribution to the emerging field of evolutionary spirituality.
Dr. Marc Gafni is a lineage holder of Kabbalah, a spiritual teacher and iconoclastic artist and visionary of Kabbalah and World Spirituality. He is a director of the Integral Life Spiritual Center and a core founder of iEvolve: Global Practice Community. Dr. Marc holds his doctorate from Oxford University and is a best-selling author with over 7 books written.
Remembering America’s Finest on Memorial Day
Throughout the year, there are plenty of holidays you might like to celebrate more than once. Kids would probably like a couple extra days of Christmas presents and Halloween candy…two Valentine’s Days for your wife…and I would give plenty of thanks for an extra day of pie, turkey, stuffing and…well, more pie. But more than any of those, the one day I say deserves as much repeating, reverence and recognition as it can get is today—Memorial Day.
Unlike most holidays, the sentiment behind Memorial Day isn’t abstract—it’s as concrete and immediate as today’s headlines. Officially speaking, Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May. Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates U.S. men and women who died while in the military service. Now, you don’t need a history lesson to understand the sacrifice made by those who wear an American flag on their arm and put themselves in harm’s way—just watch tonight’s news.
We didn’t start celebrating Memorial Day until after the Civil War, but it was during that conflict, November of 1863, that President Abraham Lincoln gave his historic Gettysburg Address and eloquently laid out the simple yet profound idea that lies at the heart of this day:
It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion – that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
“The last full measure of devotion”—a beautiful phrase describing a tragic consequence. And while the fight has moved from within our own country to conflicts overseas, the giving of your life in service to your country remains a uniquely sacred act. American soldiers are fighting and dying in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the sad reality is those are not the last two wars that will ever need fighting. On this Memorial Day and all the days before and after it, we must remember those in our military who bravely served and never made it home.
Just as we aren’t just Christians on Christmas or patriots on the 4th of July, we owe more to the fallen than just remembering them on Memorial Day. Let today mark the beginning of your year-round remembrance, and never forget that the price of living free to celebrate this day with your family was paid by those who wore a uniform, carried a gun, and gave “the last full measure of their devotion.”
God bless you, your family, and the United States of America.
