Not many people know that the martial art I study has an associated healing art. That, more than anything else, was what made me choose this art to study. The healing art learning consists of four modules that total 650 hours, I’m currently in the third one. Because of where I live I can’t license, but if I moved, in about 25 states I already have enough hours to test for a massage therapy license. It’s been an interesting start to the training this time around. Before I went through the second module, I made sure I was ready by doing a few massages first and then flowed right into it.
This time around, I tried the same thing, though I only did one or two massages done beforehand. The first couple classes, a month apart, were pretty much disasters for me. It was some of the worst work I’d done in a long time. I was disconnected and couldn’t get my placement quite right on anything. And then one day, it finally clicked, and I’m doing them at least as well, if not better, than I ever have. It’s really made a difference on the mat as well. My martial arts techniques have improved dramatically as my healing technique has improved. When I returned to the mat this year, my techniques were a little off there too. Now that things are better, I’ve had a chance to think through things and realized some things that are true for me.
I needed this class. For reasons I don’t understand, I need to have a connection with people. The last few years I’ve wanted nothing more than to get a job working from home, move back west to the mountains, and keep my exposure to people to a minimum. But I’ve noticed that in keeping to myself, I don’t get the things I need to get, and correspondingly the things I do suffer as well. Strangely, I didn’t see that while I was going through it. I could tell something was off, but not why, let alone have any idea how to fix it.
It’s really made me think about getting the things I want and getting the things I need. With all the talk of Law of Attraction (loa), there’s a big emphasis on how we get the things we want in our lives. Something I haven’t really seen addressed is, what if what you need and what you want are at odds with each other? Loa would say that you’ve attracted things to you that are at cross currents to what you want, but I’m not entirely convinced of that. As human beings, we are all imperfect – there are things we could always do better. Correspondingly, some people want or need to bring things and people into their lives which help them learn lessons to deal with or eliminate those imperfections. I’ll use a drug addict as an example. What the addict needs is to stop using the drug, but what he wants usually is another hit. He may not even see the need to stop until it’s too late, and so he doesn’t want to stop. Which would be more beneficial? Which is more likely to happen?
Now you’ve seen the conflict that needing one thing while wanting something else can produce. In the time that’s passed since I started writing this, I’ve discovered some other things about myself that I need to examine. There seems to be a part of me that needs to have dreams that are unachievable. When I first realized this, I thought how horrible it was that I was doing that to myself. That was because I was looking at those dreams and using them to make myself sad for not being able to achieve them. There is a flip side to that though – dreams can inspire, even unachievable ones. If I picked one to try to make real, it would start in motion a series of events that would take somewhere I’ve never been, and may never have gone if I hadn’t tried. And honestly, maybe the dream would be achievable – the judgment of whether a dream can be reached or not is always done from the perspective of where I’m at, not where I’m going. This is a big universe we live in, and what appear to be wildly improbable things happen all the time, and they can and do happen to anyone.
Life – the possibilities are endless. Maybe the universe can bring me what I want and what I need. If I have to choose between the two, I’ll take getting what I need over getting what I want. You see, I’ve found that for myself, I’m usually happiest when I’m getting the things I need. If that happens to line up with what I want, even better. It may sound unusual, but when I get what I need, what I truly need, there’s always that feeling of really deep contentment when I realize that’s happened. It’s like a part of my soul is fed that I didn’t even know was hungry. So, I am going to ask the universe to bring me what I need, even if I don’t know consciously that I need it. I choose to believe that the universe will bring it to me at the right time and in the right way, even if it’s not pleasant at the time.
What about you? What do you want? What do you need? Do you know?