A Guided Tour Through the Chakras. Part 1: Food, Sex, and Power

You have committed to waking up in this lifetime. But your path to awakening may be blocked by damaged relationships with family, food, sex, money, power, etc. These damaged areas often manifest in the body as a misalignment—that is, a literal physical dislocation—of your first three chakras. Working to realign them can heal this damage and clear your way to deep spiritual opening.

Meet Michal Levin, gifted energy healer and spiritual guide.  Michal’s extraordinary story is in many ways defined by her discovery of the chakras without any formal training or study of traditional systems of chakra contemplation. Her talent manifested spontaneously, calling her into a life of deep spiritual contemplation. In her dialogue with Ken Wilber, she shares her own unique distillation of chakra alignment—resulting in growth from being unconsciously and painfully controlled by our energy, to using our energy in a conscious and mature way for the benefit of all….

What makes Michal Levin’s chakra meditation so unique is that she received it as part of her own awakening and not from studying a lineage tradition. What she is sharing in this talk with Ken is the result of eighteen years of observing what happens to the individuals and groups she has taught worldwide. As Ken says of Michal, she is “very unusual in that she brings something fresh and new that is absolutely worth studying because it extends what we have received from the lineage minds.”

In this dialogue, Michal shares her chakra meditation in step-by-step detail, and reveals not just the basic practice itself, but Michal’s distinctive opinion that we must work and release the issues of the first three chakras before moving on to any of the higher levels. Michal and Ken also align her teaching with the Integral perspective, shadow work, and the activation of our higher selves.

If you are looking for a very practical, no-nonsense approach to unlocking the power of your energetic chakras, this extraordinary interchange between Michal and Ken will surely illuminate your path.

Right click to download audio

Duration: 28 minutes

TAKE A MOMENT

In this dialogue, Michal Levin presents her own unique system of energetic development, which shares many important similarities (and some differences) with traditional systems of chakra contemplation. Before you listen, take five minutes to sit in silence, letting your mind become like a mirror—reflecting everything, while keeping nothing for itself. Try to maintain this state of “mirror mind” as you listen, and see if her words resonate with your own life experience. Simply observe your connection to Michal’s words as she speaks, and see if you can locate the energetic dynamics she describes within your own being….

For more about chakras and subtle energies, be sure to read Ken Wilber’s extraordinary essay Toward a Comprehensive Theory of Subtle Energies here on Integral Life.

Two Days We Should Not Worry

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore,
Live but one day at a time.

~ an unknown angel ~

Q & A About Global Pain

Learn how darkness in the world serves, in time, to glorify the Light and how the suffering of others helps awaken compassion and other higher characteristics that would otherwise remain asleep within us.  Friend and colleague, Guy Finley,  shares answers to our  questions– to help heal the global pain and suffering of the world.

Question: Why did God, in his infinite wisdom, create a situation for humankind that would allow for so much pain and suffering?

Answer: Apart from evil, suffering is the least understood subject in the world. You may have to ponder this for a while, but think on this idea: Has not the suffering of someone you love not invited you (at least) to make a change for the better, if not actually led you to that change?

Excerpted from Seeker’s Guide to Self-Freedom

Question:  There seems to be so much wrong and dark today…how can the Divine be behind such things?

Answer: Trying to understand the personal and global conditions that confuse you, without understanding the true nature of this life and our role and relationship — or purpose — within it, is like trying to comprehend the meaning of an elephant by examining a peanut. As difficult as it may be to understand, we are first creations ourselves, and then — in a minor way — empowered to be creators. As such, our lives belong to that living, just, and merciful Intelligence in and by whose life and presence we are sustained in the present moment. This isn’t to say that, as beings empowered to create, we don’t create misery for others and ourselves. Clearly we do; and the evil we see so prevalent these days is the expression of this unconscious darkness having its way through our so-called “will.” And yet, even with all of this being true, this same Creative Intelligence expresses itself in all things, and in all ways, including those things that we see presently as being unfair, or otherwise unjust. There would be no awareness of beauty without the mirror of ugliness; there would be no compassion without those cruel conditions that awaken compassion into action. All is God, God is all; everything serves, nothing is wasted. And the only way we come to see this ineffable Goodness for what it is, is as we awaken and begin seeing how it serves a purpose greater than our present sense of time and circumstance is capable of now seeing.

Question:  What are we to do with what life brings to us — that we are sure just isn’t “right” — especially when we can look out and see so many horrible things taking place on our planet?

Answer:  While not disregarding negative conditions…things are the way they are in the moment in which we see them unfold. No moment can be different than it is. Whether we like it or not means nothing, and our distaste for it changes nothing in what takes place before us. However, what does mean something is what we allow to happen within us in that moment, because as we are changed — by what we see about ourselves –so changes the moment itself.

Not only are events unfolding as they must, but they also serve a higher purpose. Life itself, each of its “waves,” is a kind of “window” through which we see what “is” — including the reality of how our awareness interacts and transforms all that is becoming moment to moment.

It’s what we do inwardly — with what takes place outwardly — that alone has the power to transform both of these worlds in a way that’s truly positive for all. And when we are aware of this truth, and its vital relationship with all that is taking place, we begin to see how our true human responsibility and the higher purpose of this life are really one movement. It’s why our interior work is so crucial to the enlightenment of human consciousness. Our world is transformed according to our ability to take part in it this way, just as we ourselves are transformed with the world as it reveals to us the truth of ourselves.

Excerpted from The Essential Laws of Fearless Living

Question:  Sometimes I feel so hopeful for the world, and other times I almost feel there is no hope for this Earth.

Answer:  I know this seems like a paradox, but both feelings you have are correct.  To put this in perspective — the hope for our world rests in the hands of those men and women who, like yourself, are beginning to awaken to what has happened to this world because of a humanity fast asleep. On the other hand, for sleeping human beings, there is no hope outside of the dream state they dwell in that promises them tomorrow they will escape the nightmare of their own unconscious actions. Work. Never let discouragement have the last word.

Question:  If most of our life and reality is based upon our thoughts and beliefs, how do you explain the poverty and suffering that go on in the world? Do millions of people just think wrong? What purpose does the suffering serve other than as an example of the result of our collective sleep?

Answer:  No image reflected in a mirror can be any better or worse than the nature of whatever it is that stands before that mirror. The world that we see “outside” of us — with all of its poverty, sickness, and violence, is the accurate reflection of (the present level) of our collective consciousness. This is an inescapable fact; in fact, the real problem (and the reason our planet remains  ”pained” as it does) is we don’t want to see our complicity. It should be obvious — as glimpsed from our individual lives — that what we believe often causes others to suffer for those same beliefs; religious intolerance, maniacal self-righteousness, just the insistence that someone else except our opinion as being valid “or else” face the consequences… all of these are instances in which what we believe can make bitter the lives of even those we say we love. Now multiply this insight by six billion people and it is not hard to see why millions cry as they do. The real inner work is not wondering why the world is the way it is, but in discovering what it is within us that makes it that way. . . and then doing whatever is necessary to transform our sleeping nature that sows the seeds of suffering that it does. This path is the only way the world can become caring and whole for all who live there.

Question: Humanity is at such a troubling level, and I am beginning to suspect where this planet is heading. With wars raging and me in the middle of it all, will my spiritual work lift me out of the clutches of this dismal place?

Answer: Freedom from this raging planet, with all of its wars, begins with discovering and walking away from the war within ourselves. In truth, there is no other battle, and what we see around us is the inevitable expression of the pain within us that pushes and pushes until it finds some release. At first when we see the general degenerated level of mankind, it gives us a feeling of hopelessness. But if we’ll persist through this elementary “dark night of the soul,” on the other side of it there is new light. The character of this new light is both the understanding that we are indeed alone, as well as the willingness and right spirit to get increasingly serious about leaving this world behind us.

Excerpted from Seeker’s Guide to Self-Freedom

Question: It’s obvious that the world is descending into further darkness… so do we, as individuals, have the power to turn it around?

Answer: Darkness serves a purpose in this world, and the purpose that it serves is for it to be entered into and be penetrated by light.

We each have a secret character hidden away in us that is created for just the alchemical purpose of transforming any dark influence into a beneficial force. We have been given everything that we need to transform and transcend the shadows of fear, regrets, and resentments that prowl the corridors of our sleeping consciousness. And when these secret seeds of conflict have been revealed and released, we are as well, for then nothing negative remains within us to goad us into acting against ourselves. Multiply this possibility by billions of beings, and gone are the mindless wars and all the selfish acts of socially accepted gluttony.

This great power entrusted to us is that each of us is created to be the Light of the world. We can think of this as being the Light of higher conscience by whose compassionate intelligence we are empowered to discern what is helpful from what is harmful, to intuitively know the difference between a genuine act of kindness and a kindness done for selfish reasons. By this Light we are able to tell what is true and what is false.

So then, how do we illuminate our relationships at home, in our workplace, wherever we are? What must we do to enlighten this murky world of ours that staggers under the weight of its own shadows? We must cease being an unconscious part of its darkness.

If we bring light into any darkness anywhere, is not darkness everywhere made less? Mustn’t even the littlest bit of light added to even the greatest darkness leave that same darkness not so impenetrable? The answer has to be a brilliant yes! Can we see the possibilities before us? Can we see the significance of the choices we make? Is it clear what we are empowered to do? Once we agree to actualize the Living Light, everything around us, everything within the sphere of our awareness, may be altered in
its fundamental makeup.

This means that in moments of trial, our first task is to wake up, become fully aware of ourselves, and then dare to do the light thing. When we welcome the Light into our lives, we give notice to all negative states: Darkness, your days are numbered! We are done with you!

Excerpted from Let Go and Live in the Now

Guy Finley author of  Secrets of Being Unstoppable is also the acclaimed author of more than 30 books and audio programs on the subject of self-realization, several of which have become international best sellers . His popular works, published in 16 languages, are widely endorsed by doctors, professionals, and religious leaders of all denominations. His popular works include The Secret of Letting Go, Design Your Destiny, and The Lost Secrets of Prayer. To learn more about the work of Guy Finley visit the Life of Learning Foundation at http://www.guyfinley.org.

How To Read People Before They Ever Say A Word

Committed to my own personal growth, I continue ongoing academic studies, educational programs, apprenticeships, and volunteer programs to deepen and expand my personal, as well as professional knowledge, experience, and capabilities.

Every so often (and not very often at all!) I come across a personal growth program that I truly believe is worth recommending and sharing. Today, I want to introduce you to a uniquely beneficial program that I implement on a daily basis, and I am certain you will want in your learning library.

This is a remarkable “must have” program. Please indulge me a moment while I explain why.

Joe Navarro is a former counterintelligence officer for the FBI and a recognized expert on nonverbal behavior. He spent his professional career developing a system for “reading” people that is used today by this top government agency.

This is not a program about the meaning of crossed arms! It’s an in-depth, easy-to-learn system for reading people’s true intentions through their body language. The truth is, what Joe has to say in this program is riveting, informative, and tremendously applicable to every encounter you have with every individual you now know or will meet.

I’m sure you’ve considered learning a new foreign language at some point in your life. Why? So you would be able to communicate in ways you couldn’t before. Well, Joe reminds us there is a language that will tell us more about an individual than any words can.

In his new program, The Power of Body Language, (published by Nightingale-Conant) he explains how to “speed-read” people: decode sentiments and behaviors, avoid hidden pitfalls, and look for deceptive behaviors. What’s more, he unveils how YOUR body language can influence what your boss, family, friends, and even strangers think of you.

Filled with examples from Navarro’s professional experience, this definitive program offers a powerful new way to navigate your world. You’ll learn:

? The ancient survival instincts that drive body language

? Why the face is the least likely place to gauge a person’s true feelings

? What thumbs, feet, and eyelids reveal about moods and motives

? The most powerful behaviors that reveal our confidence and true sentiments

? Simple nonverbals that instantly establish trust or communicate authority

(just to name a few!)

If you think learning a new language is important, put it on hold until you master learning about body language. You’ll be armed with the “decoder secret” about people’s motives and attitudes that most people never realize exist — knowledge that will change your life in ways you can’t begin to imagine.

It will take only one listen to The Power of Body Language, for you to learn how to detect what people really mean. It will send your nonverbal intelligence soaring! I guarantee that this program is going to give you an amazing edge when negotiating or even just getting to know a person for the first time. I find it very helpful when being approached by people interested in new business deals … or by guys who want to date my daughter!

Live In Joy!

Lilly

Be Happy!

What is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?

I Beg You

To have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

And try to love the questions themselves

As if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language

Don’t search for the answers
which couldn’t be given to you now

Because you would not be able to live them

And the point is
To LIVE everything

Live the questions now

Perhaps then
Someday far in the future

You will gradually
Without even noticing it

Live your way into the
Answers…

Stephen King, Different Seasons

“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them …words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than the living size then they’re brought out. but it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away.

And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, i think. When the secret stays locked within–not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear. ”

~ Stephen King, Different Seasons ~

Star Journey Symbol System – Exciting Tool for Personal Insights

Use this exciting system to tap intuition, solve problems, and make decisions. You can gain insights about personal topics such as work, career, love, relationship, money, health, and more.

At the core of the system is a set of 96 simple and fun symbols, each describing a facet of the self. In addition, the system’s Circle Pattern diagram shows how symbols are organized and connected, including twelve prime archetypal qualities and seven levels of living.

Star Journey is a powerful tool for self-growth. It creates a profound personal mirror along with a guided process of interpretation to reach resolve. The system demonstrates that the answers to life’s questions are found within.

Star Journey is now in several formats:

Books and cards, Online symbols, Membership, other tools, and expert Phone Help are all available on the website:

http://www.star-journey.com

Online Symbol Set -  Now you can simply hop online and have access to the Star Journey symbol set, 96 in all. Use them now, or whenever needed, to get valuable insights about personal questions. The symbols are colorful, simple, and full of meaning. Use symbols in the Goal Journey format, to help you see where you are now, what the goal is, and what’s getting in the way. You’ll use both words and images to develop meaning. Complete instructions provided for use and interpretation.

Live Phone Consultations – Talk by phone with a Star Journey expert and be personally guided through the Goal Journey experience. Author Richard Geer and skilled expert Vanessa Taylor (RebelMum Slade) are available to assist with personalized service and consultation. Your satisfaction is guaranteed.

New release: Star Journey for iPhone & iPod Touch – Now Star Journey is portable and can always be at your fingertips. Whether sitting in a cafe or riding a train, you can be solving a problem, making a decision, or jumpstarting ideas about a challenge. Use on the spot for insights about love, work, career, money, health and more. (visit Apple’s App Store)

In addition, visit the beautiful, 3D and interactive version, Star Journey island in Second Life virtual world. Here, enjoy free tours and opportunities to meet the author and his talented in-world team:

Direct link into Second Life:
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Star%20Journey/133/124/440/?title=Welcome%20to%20Star%20Journey

Seven Steps From Visions To Reality

Fear is my best friend.
It shows me a path to nowhere;

I choose another way.
they say that a true hero is not one that harbors no fear but rather one that dares to overcome their fear.

fear is there behind you; don’t let it follow you.
if you do, you will spend your life running.

turn around and walk towards your fear; see it shocked with disbelief.
keep walking despite fear’s attempts to scare you; keep walking steadily.

walk through it – a miracle happened!
fear disappeared as if there was nothing there but thin air.
this is the substance fear is made of – thin air.

STEP ONE – BE A FOOL FOR VISION

I tend to say that only the naïve can achieve. The naïve is a fool, don’t be confused by the term and mistake fool for foolish. What is meant by fool is the innocent child quality that lives in an adult. This faculty is the most essential in acquiring vision, for as adults we tend to be cynical, skeptical, insecure, calculated and afraid of failure, while a child looks at the world awe inspired and imagines that everything is still possible. As adults we need to discern how to use different aspects of ourselves properly; when it’s time to garner vision, be the fool, awaken the child and reach for the stars.

STEP TWO – SEE IT HAPPEN and IT WILL

The conscious mind is where we spend most of our life; it seems that there is nothing else but it; it’s where we live and naturally it is that same conscious mind that we use when we try to create things in the world. Here’s a great secret; the conscious mind is very limited faculty of manifestation, it is not efficient at all for that purpose.

The subconscious mind on the other hand is the mind that can communicate your vision to the outside world and merge it there for its manifestation.

Use your conscious mind to plant the vision in your unconscious mind. To do that imagine your vision, see it happen and imagine how it feels – see it, feel it; do that with conviction and you will witness miracles.

STEP THREE – MAKE IT YOUR PURPOSE

Once you’ve summoned a vision and envisioned it happen, saw it and felt it, make it your purpose. You will need purpose when discomfort and pain appear on the scene and sacrifice is needed, for not much is achieved in life without sacrifice.

If you don’t make your vision one with your purpose, you will uphold another purpose, an underlying purpose you may not even be aware of. The most prevalent purpose is to avoid pain and gain pleasure – the mother of mediocrity and the archenemy of greatness. The only way to escape this purpose is to consciously choose another.

STEP FOUR – MAKE THE NOW YOUR HOME

Don’t dwell in the past, don’t allow it to be chains around your ankles, acknowledge it and move forward for this is the only movement there is. The present moment is the only asset you own, elusive as it is, it is home. What is now cannot be changed but it is where the work is done. Take your judgment away from the equation: hone the faculty of clarity; it is not good or bad it is what it is. If you think that circumstances are not in your favor, imagine instead that you’ve invited them yourself to create an appropriate challenge to optimize your growth. Do not harbor aversion to what is. Remember, the present moment is what it is and from here the future is shaped. (Repeat step two the more the better).

STEP FIVE – INITIATE IT

Your vision is in place, a sense of purpose kicks in, the present is acknowledged for what it is; you have used your imagination to plant the vision into the subconscious mind; now it is time to take action. It is amazing how many people expect things to just happen for them. You must initiate, do something to actually take the vision from the realm of your mind and anchor it in the reality of the world. Jot down your mission statement, write an action plan, arrange the priorities, take initial action, do something to set things in motion. This point seems simple and obvious but most visionaries stop here, they just dream and stick to their comfort zone. Remember; action is where manifestation begins: initiate – take action towards your vision, once you do that, you will know you are on track, it’s not a dream any more.

STEP SIX – RESISTANCE IS PART OF IT

Initiation generates resistance – it’s the law for nothing works without resistance, nothing at all. Understanding that resistance is a fundamental and essential part of the process is the most important point of all. Don’t confuse resistance with trouble; don’t let your judgment interfere. Expect resistance, the so called obstacles along the way, they will come don’t doubt that for they are needed and no process will occur without them. Resistance is an organic part of the process itself be ready for it.

Harness the adult to the process as the child tends to crumble when the seas turn rough. Don’t blame anyone or anything, don’t curse your luck; rather, claim responsibility and maintain your power at all times. Don’t say ‘it happened to me’, say instead ‘it happened for me’ and everything will change and make sense, the entire universe will conspire to help you, no force will be able to stop you if you learn the final move in this magical dance.

STEP SEVEN– FLOW WITH THE FORCE

Keep your pace. Maintain your vision, spur yourself, if your sense of purpose is intact any sacrifice along the way will only feel natural. You may need to explore the uncharted, to walk toward your fear. In the process you may discover your power; endurance, persistence, perseverance – this is the stuff winners are made of. Yet remember you are not in control; the force of life is greater than you. Walk with it, not against it, or it will crush you.

When you arrive at your destination, it may not be exactly the place you have envisioned, things have changed in the process; they always do. You are not the same person that took the first step, you’ve interacted with living forces and they’ve left their imprint, respect that and remember the only destination is the journey itself.

(A hint: While all steps are important step number two is the key.)

Developing Soul Consciousness and Overcoming Challenges

In Care of the Soul, Thomas Moore says that the greatest illness of modern times is ‘loss of soul.’ I do not think that we have lost soul, but simply have not yet discovered it, and therefore live in a soulless way.

The new consciousness on the planet today demands that each of us no longer neglect this vital aspect of who we are. Ignoring this reality has dire consequences, as Moore points out: “When soul is neglected, it doesn’t just go away; it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence, and loss of meaning. Our temptation is to isolate these symptoms or to try to eradicate them one by one; but the root problem is that we have lost our wisdom about the soul, even our interest in it.”

Becoming soul-conscious or expanding consciousness is not a choice. It is a deep and natural urge within all of us that is being emphasized by the needs in the world today. The only choice is whether or not we will cooperate or resist the expansion of consciousness once it begins happening. And consciousness seeks to expand in all aspects of life where we have gained sufficient awareness and learning.

When we resist this movement of soul within, we become ill or accident prone or unhappy. We experience emotional pain or money problems or our relationships don’t work well. In general, our life sends us signals to which we must pay attention. Through developing soul consciousness, we learn what these signals are, how to interpret them, and then what to do about them.

The evidence of the drive for expanded consciousness, or soul, is found in everyone’s deep yearning for liberation. The liberation we want is the release from duality – the very stuff that the challenges of life are made of. But we cannot find this freedom unless we deal effectively with the challenges.

All challenges that we experience are initiated by the soul, even though it can appear that the challenges come from other people, the world around us, society, circumstances and situations. What is the nature of these challenges? What is their purpose? How can we master them?

As we master our challenges, we gain in wisdom and develop the power, love and intelligence that is characteristic of soul consciousness. When we incorporate the mastery into our identity, transformation ensues and greater liberation is experienced.

The Soul Journey

Blame – Who Did It To Me?

In the fall of 2008, while engaged in the kind of deep self-examination I love to hate, I discovered that when “bad” things happened to me, I reacted predictably. While my emotions might range from annoyance to downright martyrdom, my overall feeling was that life was against me. I was a victim.

Sometimes I was a victim fighting back, i.e., I was angry, resentful, argumentative, but when I found myself in these modes I felt even more victimized, because external events forced me to act in a way I didn’t like to behave.

Since I like to assume the identity of a someone who is in charge of her life, this victim discovery didn’t please me at all. Once I discovered it, though, evidence for for a pervasive victimhood began accumulating, and I decided that instead of resisting it I would explore it.

The Victim Identification Test

When something goes wrong in your life do you:

Blame others?
Feel as if the world (or someone) is against you?
Blame yourself?
Blame no one or take responsibility for what happened?

I am not suggesting you take responsibility for a hurricane which knocks down power lines, just that you not blame the weather, God, or mysterious forces which are out to get you. (I write more about responsibility further on in this article.)

However, if you forgot to pay an electric bill and your power gets shut off, do you blame anyone for not reminding you about the bill or blame the utility company for not allowing enough time to pay the bill? Do you say you can’t help it if you’re bad about paying bills, and those in charge should make allowances for the checkbook-challenged?

Regardless of your immediate answer to these questions, you may find it helpful to keep these questions in your mind as you go through your days. They can come up in these and other ways:

You’re at work, and your boss asks you to work overtime. You ask yourself, “Why me?” “Why me?” is very likely a victim’s question.

Your child brings home a report card which suggests he will be very fortunate to graduate from grade school, let alone any higher form of education. You ask yourself, “What did I do to deserve such a child?” This is a variant of “Why me?” You take bad weather, traffic jams, and long lines personally. You notice how often you say, “That’s not fair.” You decide you have been designated to experience a loveless life. You welcome a blow or disaster because now you don’t have to dread its occurrence.

The important thing is to notice how you respond to any situation which is a problem, crisis, or in any other way disturbs the flow of life as you expect it to flow.

How Victims Are Born

If you discover you have a tendency towards victimization the chances are very good that one or both of your parents were — not because there’s a gene for it, but because our earliest lessons about how to respond to life come from parents and other significant adults.

Our parents can teach us how to be victims in other ways.

Did either of your parents ever say to you, “I’m punishing you for your own good” or “I’m punishing you because I love you?”

Think of the hidden messages in these statements.

Love is punishment.
Love is painful.
Love is suffering.

Children who receive attention only in the form of punishment will seek it by “misbehaving.” This behavior can persist through adulthood: the person who constantly makes mistakes at work and is called in to his boss’s office on a regular basis, the person who forgets to perform expected household duties and is yelled at by a spouse or partner, the person who regularly gets into financial difficulties.

If we have this way of being, punishment can make us feel important. It may even make us feel like martyrs. If we come from strict Christian religious backgrounds, being martyrs can make us feel not only very important, but can reverse our thinking so that we see ourselves not as wrong, but as right and persecuted

The Victim-Guilt Seesaw

In the course of my exploration of my victim syndrome, I realized that I so readily adopted the victim identity because I didn’t want to blame myself, i.e., feel guilty. This is the opposite of victimization. I discovered how flexible I was in going back and forth between the two emotions.

In a victim state, we say, “Life isn’t perfect, and it’s someone else’s fault. I am innocent.” When we are in a guilty state, we say, “I am not perfect, and it’s my fault. I am guilty.”

Let’s look again at the examples I gave above. You forgot to pay an electric bill, and your electricity got shut off. In blaming anyone else for this, you may be resisting another way to react: blaming yourself for being stupid, careless, or whatever adjective you might be tempted to use.

In the case of the disastrous report card, the resisted thought might be, “I’m such a bad parent. Why didn’t I realize he had this problem?”

Power Failure

Whenever we feel either victimized or guilty, we rob ourselves of power. The loss of power became real for me when I sat down to think about certain things I wanted to create. I found myself unable to visualize any of these things without having thoughts such as, “Never happen.” In focusing on the negative thoughts, I eventually came up with, “Don’t deserve it,” and connected that thought to guilt.

I asked myself, “What would happen if these things I say I want came true?” The answer was clear: I couldn’t be a victim any more.

Victimization, like any way of being, becomes comfortable through its familiarity and firmly-set boundaries. A victim doesn’t have to take risks, doesn’t have to do unfamiliar things, doesn’t have to take responsibility for his/her life.

Think of a situation in which you feel victimized, or if you don’t like the “v” word, think of a situation you feel isn’t fair or think of something you haven’t been successful in manifesting. They may be the same. For example, you may want a promotion, but think your boss doesn’t appreciate all the hard work you do. You feel this is unfair.

Focus on a particular situation. Let yourself really feel the unfairness of it.

Now check into how you are feeling emotionally. What sensations are in your body? Are there areas which feel dense or heavy?

Now think of some project you want to create or fulfill. Do you feel empowered to work on it?

Do the same experiment with a situation about which you feel guilty.

A Third Way

The healthy alternative to both guilt and victimization is taking responsibility. Responsibility is NOT blaming yourself; it’s literally the ability to respond. A response is distinct from a reaction. Reactions are automatic and are stimulated by unconscious beliefs, usually acquired in childhood. Someone who unconsciously absorbed the belief that good parents have children who excel in school will automatically react negatively to a poor report card.

Guilt and feelings of victimization are reactions. We don’t deliberately choose to have these or other negative feelings.

When we respond, it’s a conscious act. We may feel the reaction, “My child has let me down” or “I have failed my child,” and let this reaction and the emotion it triggers to pass, then allow ourselves to be in the present and respond to the situation. We ask, “How can I help my child?” We have a conversation with him. We make it clear that we are available. We may speak to the teacher. We respond with the intention of solving the problem.

Being responsible also means acknowledging a mistake without guilt and learning from it. It means not blaming others for their mistakes.

I strongly believe that everything you do to help yourself to a state of unconditional self-love will release the Victim within. When we love ourselves, we don’t experience problems as punishment. When we love ourselves, we don’t experience punishment as love.

This is a two-way process. With every act of responsibility you restore power to your being. Empowerment is contagious. You set a powerful example for others. By not reacting with feelings of victimization or guilt you don’t trigger these reactions in others.

You also bring yourself closer to a state of unconditional love, and generously extend this state to others.

Each act of responsibility you take may feel small, but every time you choose responsibility, you help to make the world a happier, more loving place.

Responsible Crystals

The properties of sugilite indicate the connection between guilt and resentment (a common way in which people express their feelings of victimization). This crystal can help to dissolve both feelings. The general intention of sugilite is to assist us in releasing any feeling which is disempowering.

Azurite can give us a deeper understanding about what goes on beneath the surface of our conscious thinking. It also helps us to bring to the surface those beliefs which direct our reactions to people and situations.

Green Calcite is particularly useful in dissolving emotional and mental rigidities. Once these rigidities are released, we are able to think creatively and solve problems from a more open perspective.

Carnelian is the crystal which helps us to be focused in the present. When we are in a state in which our decisions aren’t based on the past, we are better able to make wise choices.

Flower and Other Essences

Willow (Bach) is the classic essence for resentment, which as I note in describing sugilite, is a common aspect of feeling victimized.

Wild Rose (Bach) addresses another common aspect of victimization: resignation. Everyone is against me, so there’s just no use in even trying any more. Wild Rose helps to get us back into the flow of life.

Pine (Bach) is the most useful essence for guilt and feelings that anything less than perfection in one’s being is personal failure.

Bear (Wild Earth Animal Essences), the animal who sleeps all winter, symbolizes the exploration of the unconscious mind.

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