Soul Perspectives On Relationships

All of our relationships have the potential of showing us who we are as souls. Our relationships with other human beings force us to acknowledge both our perfection as souls and our limitations as personalities. We are also challenged to accept the opposites and to experience duality, symbolized in the male-female dynamics of relationship. Because all relationships are based on soul we have the opportunity to gain a sense of meaning in life through our relationships. Soul shows us the bigger picture. Soul creates deeper connection; it fulfills and responds to the true needs in our life and the lives of others.

Relationships take us both into the light of our soul and the darkness of our subconscious. They force us to look at our shadows and to also experience the light. If we deny the light of either ourselves or the other then we relate to each other in conflict. If we deny the shadows of either ourselves or the other then we relate in illusion. Only by accepting both do we face reality and experience harmony.

We are always challenged in relationships to accept the unknown of ourselves and the unknown of the other. Therefore, meeting this challenge must be founded on trust. You need to trust that they will get whatever they need from you and that you will get whatever you need from them. Since the soul is the underlying guide of all relationships, we are always getting what we need because the soul always responds to need. If we don’t recognize the underlying soul presence, we will probably become demanding and certainly do things contrary to maintaining a healthy relationship. The problem lies only in our lack of awareness and understanding.

The key word is NEED, not desire. We are often conscious of our desires, but our needs are usually related to what we are unconscious of. We are not in relationships to have our desires fulfilled. It is up to us to fulfill our own desires and stop demanding that they be fulfilled by others. For example, if you have the desire to be loved, you must not demand it from someone else. You fulfill your need for love by expressing it. Expressing love is far more fulfilling than trying to get it from others.

We usually create difficulties in our relationships when we let our desires take over. When we don’t get our desires met – and that includes things like getting our way, getting what we want, getting love and attention, being made to feel important, being shown respect and honor – we usually get angry, sad, become selfish and self centered, resentful or revengeful. When that happens we need to stop and ask ourselves what we really need, and then give it to ourselves rather than demanding it from others.

Desires point toward our needs. When we are trapped by our desires we don’t recognize the need behind the desire. When we realize what is happening and we respond to our need or the needs of others then we have taken another step toward becoming more conscious.

Intimacy is an important aspect of all relationships, and it differs according to the relationship. Intimacy exposes the unconscious and teaches us trust. Intimacy helps us to recognize needs, and it awakens the love within us to respond to those needs. It especially empowers us to meet our own needs. Intimacy says: you are acceptable and lovable just as you are.

He’s Lost The Attraction? 5 Likely Reasons

Ever dated a man who you shared an incredible connection with, but then he suddenly wanted his “freedom”?

Or he said he “wasn’t ready” when you started to get close?

What’s going on here? Why does this happen for so many women?

To learn to avoid these kinds of common male responses to a new relationship, and to know exactly what to do instead that will make a man feel inspired and excited for a relationship with you the way he hasn’t felt with any other woman – you need to read this article.

Are you one of the many single women in the world who would make an AMAZING PARTNER for a man…. but can’t even find a decent date?

Do you ever feel like it’s impossible to understand what a man is thinking when it comes to “dating” and relationships?

Do you ever wish that you could just skip the “games” and the uncertainty that come with dating and get straight to something REAL?

If so, I want to share with you a few important ways to stop missing out on the love and
connection you’re looking for, and start finding and creating what you want.

There’s something I want to know about you first, though.

I wonder how often this has happened to you:

You meet a man you find attractive and you go out on a date…

The date goes better than you imagined, and you find him even more interesting and desirable than
you thought you would.

You feel great around him and the conversation flows.

You both connect with each other and have all kinds of unbelievable things in common.

The more time you spend with him, the more you become excited about where things could go… and that you’ve finally met a man who’s fun, attractive AND who actually seems open and healthy as a person.

To top it off, the chemistry you share is AMAZING… and you share a steamy good-night kiss that proves it.

You can tell he’s feeling it, too.

This is something more than just another date. It’s more than two people spending time together.

This is something special and real.

That’s why you can’t help yourself…

Before you even hear from him again, you’re telling your girlfriends all about him, what a great time you had, what it’s like when you’re together… and when you’re going to see each other next.

You’re VERY excited about your new man.

You imagine introducing him to your friends.

You even allow yourself a fantasy or two about all the fun things you’ll do together in the weeks to come and what your life together could be like.

You have a GREAT FEELING about this.

Best of all, he’s calling you, emailing, and he wants to see you all the time.

And he’s not only attractive and charming- it turns out he’s a really good person, too.

After a few more dates you’re intimate with him because you feel so comfortable together. And the
sex is AMAZING.

Things are going so great that you say to yourself, “At last! A real man I truly connect with. I
better not screw this up!”

But just then you realize how much he is starting to mean to you… and in the back of your mind it kind of freaks you out.

And it’s then that the dating and relationship nightmares from your past flash back in your
mind…

You don’t want to feel the pain you felt in the past ever again… and you start to feel afraid
that the same things could happen again.

Your mind races with fear and anxiety.

But to keep it together you put faith in the situation and in this man. You tell yourself that it’s different this time, and that he isn’t one of those other guys.

And to make sure things keep moving forward in the right direction, you start trying a little harder with him to get it right this time.

You do all kinds of nice things for him.

You make the effort to find out all about him, understand him, and help him out with the things that are going on for him in his life.

You even start to do things like favors, errands, etc., just because you want him to know how much you care and to be close to him.

In the back of your mind you really hope he’ll recognize all the great things you’re doing for him, and how amazing you and your relationship can be.

With all you’re doing for him and your relationship, he’d be crazy not to want to be with you.

But after a few more dates, suddenly something starts to feel WRONG…

That same easy and free way of loving and being with each other suddenly feels different.

You realize how much you’re doing for him and all the ways you’re trying… and suddenly it
hits you

He isn’t making much of an effort to do anything for you or your relationship. Not the way you are with him.

Then you realize that he’s been calling you less than he used to.

He doesn’t seem as excited to be with you and share his thoughts and feelings as he used to be at first.

He even stops making much in the way of plans, and starts doing a lot of other things he wasn’t doing before.

And since you don’t want to keep calling him, you wait for his call… hoping he’ll make weekend plans with you.

But Thursday comes, and then Friday, and still no call.

Your worst fears are starting to be realized. But you don’t want to overreact.

So even though you’re hurt and upset that he didn’t call you… you want to be with him, so you reluctantly call him.

You tell yourself there must be a good reason and that he’s been busy or something.

When you finally get ahold of him, he doesn’t even sound like the same guy.

He talks like he hardly knows you and you’ve never been close.

You try to be casual and ask him what he’s been doing, but you want to know what he’s been doing
and why he hasn’t called you.

Then you find out he’s been going out and doing things with friends and other people.

Arggggh! He didn’t even invite you! Wait a minute…

Aren’t you two an “item”? Shouldn’t you be doing something TOGETHER on weekends and in your free time?

You start feeling really FRUSTRATED and CONFUSED.

Maybe he doesn’t see what’s going on, so you decide to let him know how you feel and “call him on it.”

You tell him how upset you felt that he didn’t ask you to hang out with him and his friends.

And you ask him what’s going on, and why he’s being this way with you.

But he doesn’t respond the way you’d want or expect him too.

Instead of listening to you and your feelings… he gets irritated and ANGRY with you. As though you’re “hassling” him.

After some arguing and back and forth, he seems to shift gears in the conversation and says something that really makes your heart SINK.

Something that you had a gut FEELING you’d hear from him with this going on-

He tells you,

“Look… you’re great, but the truth is that I’m not ready or in the right place for any kind of ’serious’ relationship right now.”

And he goes on to tell you about all the things going on in his life that are taking up his time and energy… and that he doesn’t know how to settle down right now.

Ouch.

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT!?

Why is he acting like you’re going to get in the way of the rest of his life?

Why did he ask you out in the first place, and spend all that time sharing himself, being with you, and connecting with you if he didn’t want a relationship all along?

Couldn’t he have told you that when you first met, instead of asking you out?

Why did he spend all that time with you and sleep with you if he didn’t want to be with you?

And how come he doesn’t recognize or appreciate all the things you bring to his life, and all the things that you do for him?

At this point, you feel incredibly hurt, frustrated, unappreciated, and misunderstood.

You even become intensely UPSET and ANGRY with him, and with yourself. How could you have misunderstood what was happening and not seen this coming!?

Why did he do all the things he did, and why did he SAY all those things that made you think HE WANTED a relationship with you?

Now, if you’ve experienced a situation like this with a man before… then I really feel for you.

It STINKS.

If you want to learn how to avoid this kind of situation in the first place in your future, and you’d prefer to have a man “pursuing” and “courting” you… then you need to read THIS

It will help you know what to do when a great guy who you share a real connection, chemistry, and attraction with PULLS AWAY from you just as you start to get closer and a little more “serious.”

To learn how, when and why a man will start to naturally RESIST a relationship with a woman the more intense the feelings between him and her are… and to know exactly what to do to keep your relationship growing and moving forward without his FEAR and RESISTANCE getting in the way, go HERE

Now, back to our story and this frustratingly common situation women run into with men.

In the story above, for lots of women the story doesn’t end when the man says he’s not ready
for anything serious.

Why?

Because they either don’t want to listen to the man… or they refuse to believe him.

And then what happens?

Some women actually go on to spend the next few weeks or maybe even MONTHS doing everything they can to try and win the guy back.

They think that if they can just get him to stop ignoring what it is that they share, and to not be afraid… that the guy will “come to his senses” and come back to them.

WRONG!

If you’ve ever been in this situation, or known a woman who was, here are the 5 most common ways women respond that don’t work and push men away or turn them off for good:

1) Pretending you don’t want anything serious either and keep on sleeping with the man “casually” in hopes that things will grow from the “physical relationship”

2) Staying close to him by trying to become his “best friend” as you help him in his life and with his problems – all the while imagining the “payoff” of a real relationship for your good deeds once he recognizes how great you are

3) Trying to make him jealous by telling him you’re seeing other guys, even if you’re not. Or going out with other guys and doing things with them not because you like them, but because you want him to find out and want you back

4) Getting mad at him and telling him he’s dumb, immature, and acting like a little BOY… and that he’s just scared of a real relationship and a commitment – and then trying to get him to have a relationship with you to “fix” himself

5) Trying to make him interested in you by complimenting him, doing nice things for him, taking up things he’s interested in to be around him… and being available to him at anytime he should show interest. This is kind of like trying to be his “best friend,” but different since it’s often still sexual.

Now, I’m guessing that you recognized at least one of these responses as you were reading through them.

As you read yours, you probably thought “Oh no, that was me!”… and now you see your behavior in a slightly different light.

In fact, maybe you see you’ve made a couple of these mistakes with men.

Here’s the thing…

None of these responses ever work with men.

Ever.

Feel free to ask your girlfriends and your guy friends if you don’t believe me.

Doing these things with a man is like instant MAN-REPELLENT.

But, strangely enough, even though these universally don’t get men to respond in any positive way… these are still the most common ways that women who don’t understand men and dating respond.

Which begs the question…

Why do so many women make these same mistakes in the first place? And why are these so universally common?

The short answer is this-

If a woman makes these kinds of mistakes with men, it’s NOT because she “learned” it by seeing it work for other women with other men.

Absolutely not.

It’s because she does WHAT MAKES SENSE to HER in the moment.

But guess what?

If you’ve spent enough time around men, then you’ve probably discovered that men DON’T MAKE MUCH SENSE.

See where I’m going here?

If you try and use what makes sense to YOU as a woman with a man… odds are you’re going to get very poor results.

Which means…

If you want to start getting better outcomes and results when it comes to men, and you want to be able to communicate with a man in a way that brings him closer…

Then you’re going to have to learn to STOP doing what makes “sense” to you…

And START doing what it is that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTED and MORE INTERESTED in you.

In other words – the biggest challenge most women run into when it comes to “breaking through” to men and getting past the surface dating stuff and into a real relationship with a real man is not being able to see past their own MINDSET and the approach they’ve been using that hasn’t worked.

If you have the wrong mindset, and the thus the wrong approach when it comes to men and dating… then it practically guarantees you’re going to fail from the very beginning.

Seriously.

But if you can learn to understand how your mindset affects how you interpret and respond to a man…

And you can start to get the kind of PERSPECTIVE or AWARENESS that will lead you to knowing what’s really going on with him, and how to respond…

Then things are quickly and naturally going to fall into place for you.

By the way, if you’d like to learn from what I honestly think is one of the world’s best resources for quickly understanding how men think, discovering what attracts them, and shifting your mindset and perspective for easy and effortless success … I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you check out the eBook “Catch Him & Keep Him.”

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One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.

If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.

If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.

Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.

If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his “EMOTIONAL RESISTANCE” to commitment when you bring it up.

The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where THE
MAN is leading the woman into a committed relationship.

Where HE is asking HER to COMMIT TO HIM.

But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.

For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship, the answer is to learn:

1) How the commitment process works for him

2) How to make him want to be with you and lead
you in to a committed relationship

3) How to keep your relationship growing and
healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved
and fulfilled by it

Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.

So don’t wait for your relationship to figure itself out if you’re in one.

Don’t wait for a man to figure it out and make your relationship work for you.

Don’t wait until you’re dating the right guy and in a great relationship to learn how to help it grow and make it work with him.

Make it happen now.

Learn more, and get more free information right here …

Read Part 2 of this Article

He’s Lost The Attraction? 5 Likely Reasons (part 2)

Now, here’s the other important question to ask now that we’ve identified some of the common mistakes women make with men…

WHY don’t these responses and ways of communicating and dealing with men work? Even though at the time responding this way makes absolute sense?

Because they all have one terrible thing in common…

They are all deadly forms of what I call APPROVAL-SEEKING BEHAVIOR.

Ok, so what does that mean?

And why is it such a terrible thing when it comes to men, dating, attraction, and having a man see you as the kind of woman he really wants to be with?

Good question…

I’m going to try and make a long and complicated story very short here to show you what approval-seeking behavior is, and why it’s such a GIANT MISTAKE with men…

See, men have all kinds of ways of thinking, seeing things, and behaviors that aren’t completely conscious – but are what I’ll call more BIOLOGICAL or INSTINCTUAL.

These are things that have been instilled in them over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women.

When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”

This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”

But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely UNCONSCIOUS.

In other words, a man can’t and won’t just walk up to a woman and say,

“Hi, I’m looking for a mate. I’d like to know if you would make a good mate for me. Are you any of the following?

- Physically fit and healthy so you can conceive a healthy child, give birth, and raise him/her?

- “Genetically fit” so that you have a high likelihood to bear successful offspring by passing off great qualities like size, strength, intelligence, immunity, etc?

- Intelligent, “funny”, and resourceful so that you can not only be a mate that makes me feel attracted to you and want to conceive lots of children … but also help in this world of hard- to-come-by resources?

- Going to make a great mother who can care for our child and raise it while I’m out trying to “provide”?

Catch my drift?

This is part of the reason why so often a woman will ask a man why he’s feeling one way or another … or why he’s acting different or not interested in a relationship and he can’t explain it.

It’s just the way he FEELS.

Either he FEELS ATTRACTED. Or he doesn’t.

Of course, these “biological buttons” aren’t the only thing going on inside a man’s mind.

Men do have more CONSCIOUS processes for the way they choose a woman, and for the way they feel.

If trying to cram all this into your head and understand what it means, and how to respond to all these things while trying to have a real conversation with a man seems ridiculous and daunting to you – it should.

The reality is that you can’t sit and think to yourself… “Gee, I’d like him to think I’d make a good mate who could rear successful and healthy children, so I’ll tell him about how healthy me and my family are.”

It just doesn’t work that way.

A man looks at much more subtle “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.

Some of these “cues” are:

- Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction

- Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of
your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they FEEL ATTRACTED to these things for some reason.

-”Emotional Fitness”: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.

To find out all the things that truly interest and attract men… as well as the more subtle and complex things that make them become EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED with a woman it could take a long, long time to figure out.

It could take you literally years of research, of failed relationships, and of trying different
things.

And even then you might not arrive at what is really going on with men, and how to make a relationship come together and work.

If you’re single after all these years, and you still don’t have the knowledge and the confidence that comes from truly knowing how to approach and handle men, dating, and relationships… then you know what I mean.

Luckily, I’ve done the work for you.

I’ve spent my time doing years of research, observation, interviews, etc. to get deep inside the mind of men… and I’ve also spent years talking with women about every question under the sun of how to create the love life they want with a man.

Women who don’t understand what the dating and COMMITMENT PROCESS is like inside a man’s mind seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.

The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed relationship is simply different than it is for most women.

If you don’t understand where a man is at, you don’t know how to read the signs, and most importantly… if you don’t know WHAT TO DO in each situation, then your odds of creating what you want with a man, and him wanting it with you are very slim.

Make the rest of your love life easier, more fun, and less frustrating and uncertain today by taking one simple step.

check out the CD or DVD program at zero risk right now.

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You literally have nothing to lose, and a lifetime of love and a secure, loving, committed relationship to gain.

read part 1 of this Article

“Me First!” Relationship

A friend of mine recently asked me: “What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned in relationship?”

To listen to, trust, and love myself – first and foremost.

How can that be? After all, isn’t a relationship about loving someone else?

It seems to me that the world is saturated with false paradigms of “love”. Magazines tout tactics to “make the guy love you more in bed” – never mind whether his heart is in it or not. Those fifty years of marriage could just as easily have been fifty years of misery. A parent helping a child with a simple task may in fact be an expression of a lack of confidence in the child’s ability to do it herself.

Are these acts loving or disempowering? What are these notions of “love” we carry in relationship?

I was astounded by the arrogance expressed by a friend’s mother recently. Commenting about her daughter’s boyfriend, she said, “You know, he comes from a broken family, so he really doesn’t know what a healthy relationship is.” Never mind that, for 50 years, this same mother had subjected herself to a cycle of anger, frustration, and pain at not being noticed by her own husband. Had she exemplified for her daughter a “healthy relationship” by staying in her marriage? Or would the more loving thing – for herself, her husband, and her children – have been to end the marriage, freeing them all to open their hearts to a higher form of love? Who is to say her daughter’s boyfriend didn’t learn and grow more from his parents’ divorce than if they had stayed together?

Conversations with God says: “Relationships fail when you see them as life’s grandest opportunity to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of another…. Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about Self….”

He continues, “The Master understands that it doesn’t matter what the other is being, doing, having, saying, wanting, demanding. It doesn’t matter what the other is thinking, expecting, planning. It only matters what you are being in relationship to that. The most loving person is the person who is Self-centered.”

Wait a minute. How is that possible? Isn’t that selfish? And isn’t selfishness bad?

Certainly this is contrary to most sacredly held definitions of love. Love is selfless, isn’t it?

Yes. In fact, love has been characterized for most of us by selflessness: that is, absence of the Self, forgetting of the Self, disregard for the needs of the Self. We have been programmed over and over again to devalue the Self, to subsume our desires to others’, to convince ourselves that what we feel doesn’t matter – because that is precisely what others have modeled for us.

We’ve seen our mother deny time for herself. We’ve seen our father plaster a smile over his anguish. We’ve seen adults “protect” children by pretending there’s nothing wrong. (It wasn’t until I became an adult that I learned of family patterns that were hidden from me throughout my childhood. And yet, once I learned of them, it opened a window of understanding into why I had been repeating the same patterns in my life. I didn’t know they were there, and yet I had absorbed them all the same.)

But love is unconditional, isn’t it? It means not putting conditions or expectations on my love for the other person, right?

Yes. True love is unconditional. Yet unconditional love isn’t truly unconditional if the most important person is missing from the equation: me. I must also be unconditionally loving towards myself.

So what does that mean?

It means that for all of the conditions and judgment one chooses not to place on the other person, one must also remove the conditions and judgments one places on one’s self.

It means stop putting conditions on your love for yourself. Stop judging yourself for being who you are and feeling the way you feel. Stop telling yourself, “As soon as I….” (Or “As soon as he/she…”) That is a condition. It’s delaying self-love based on the presumption that I (or someone else) have to meet certain conditions I’ve set for myself before I can do what is truly loving for me. Unconditional love for another matters not one whit if there is a lack of unconditional love for one’s Self.

In many ways, every relationship is a mirror. How I feel towards the other person and what I see in them is often an indicator of how I see and feel towards myself. My relationships reflect back to me those areas where I am not loving myself enough. If I allow someone to treat me a particular way, it is only because part of me is already treating myself that way. Otherwise, why would I accept it from them?

Have you every met anyone who truly loves herself yet is still able to be critical of others?

Every criticism or trigger shows me how severely I criticize myself. If it bothers me to watch another person be inauthentic or put on a show rather than be fully present and true, it’s usually an indication that – in some form or another – I do the very same. Otherwise, why would it bother me so? How is it possible to despise in another what I accept within myself?

One simple way to put it is this: No one can push my buttons unless I have the buttons to push.

Again, every relationship is a mirror – a mirror for the relationship I have with myself.

Relationships provide me with the opportunity to uncover aspects of “me” that I didn’t know I had hidden from myself: ways in which I’d been living inauthentically, giving my power over to another, devaluing my role and my desires in the relationship, judging my emotional reactions as unworthy or inaccurate – despite how insistently they were hammering against my heart.

Therefore, the purpose of a relationship is not for me to see them or them to see me – it is for me to see me.If I am too busy seeing them, I am not seeing me. And I am the only one truly in a relationship here…. with myself.

Again, Conversations with God speaks to this: “The highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you…. and the highest good for you becomes the highest good for another…. What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for the Self. This is because you and the other are one. And this is because…. There is naught but You.”

There is naught but me.

Therefore, as I listen to, trust, and love myself – and take those actions that are most loving towards me – only then can I truly love another. For now I truly love myself.