Allow More Love In Your Life! This article describes in detail some of the crystals and essences that can help us to love ourselves unconditionally.
I believe this to be the most essential crystal for fostering self-love. I encourage you to experience its vibrations on an ongoing basis, either by wearing it, carrying it, meditating with it, or keeping it close to you when you sleep (or all of the above).
When we haven’t experienced enough love in our formative years we tend to close off our hearts. Yet this closure doesn’t heal the wound inside, and that wound will always cry out to be healed. Rose quartz is an instrument of that healing.
That doesn’t mean that it’s always a gentle stone. In the past, when I placed it on my heart center (its natural resting place) I could feel pain I hadn’t known I had rising to the surface. If this happens to you, you have a number of choices.
You can stop using it for a while, replacing it with aventurine, which can help to gently re-balance emotions. You can hold a rose quartz in your hand, and, while holding it, silently or out loud repeat an affirmation (“The past is over; I am a stronger person now.” “I accept all that I am.”).
You can also stick with it, frequently reminding yourself that that the pain is coming up to be released. It’s going, never to return.
More than any other crystal, rose quartz teaches the lesson that all emotional wounds can be healed, and that the source of love comes from within.
When we have emotional blockages to loving ourselves fully, though, it can be difficult to see fully what is positive about ourselves and to recognize and appreciate the degree to which we’re loved.
This is where self-esteem becomes a factor. When we appreciate our worth we are more open to recognizing the particular ways in which we are unique and special.
When we are fully in touch with our worth we are also more able to ask others for help, and to assert ourselves when this is necessary.
Citrine, a golden-hued stone, relates to the third chakra, which deals with self-esteem, the appropriate use of personal power, and abundance.
Self-esteem, which includes trusting oneself, makes it possible for one to exercise one’s personal power in a responsible way. The ability to make and act on decisions which are best for one will lead to abundance, which is not only related to money. In this book abundance means love.
Citrine particularly addresses issues of a balanced ego. An unbalanced third chakra can show up as greed, manipulation, and other abuses of will. This chakra can be balanced by guidance from the seventh (crown) chakra, which governs our sense of interconnectedness with All That Is. As gold (relating to the sun, which shines without bias on all things) is one of the seventh chakra colors, citrine can be used to assist in this balance.
Pink calcite helps to release old and hurtful emotional patterns so that the heart can be open to receive and give unconditional love. It thus combines the energies of rose quartz and pink tourmaline, nurturing both our love for ourselves and our ability to express love for others.
Pink calcite can be used on any chakra for the purposes of releasing old pain (for example, those who were sexually abused as children might find it helpful to place it on the second chakra. Those who feel unable to express themselves in loving ways could place it on the throat).
The heart chakra is associated with both the colors pink and green. Traditionally, pink relates more closely to matters of love, and green relates to healing (as well as to prosperity and creativity), but emerald is a green stone that is related to love.
According to crystal lore, emerald was brought to earth from the planet Venus. In Roman mythology, Venus is the goddess of love. This is one of the reasons emerald is associated with the sign of Taurus, which is ruled by Venus.
I find emerald’s most distinctive claim as a love stone relates to its balancing aspects. It’s often known as the healer’s stone, and is especially recommended for people who exhaust their resources in helping others.
Dedication to healing is admirable, but dedication to the point of making oneself exhausted and ill (and thus no longer able to practice healing) indicates an imbalance. Very often, people who go this far are using self-sacrifice in order to win love. They may also be among those who find it easier to give than to receive.
An emerald placed with a rose quartz on the heart while meditating can help restore the heart to balance. This is useful as a regular practice.
Emerald also relates to universal love and compassion. It’s a good stone to put in front of a statue of Kwan Yin, the Chinese goddess of compassion.
The negative Holly condition manifests in a number of emotions and behaviors: envy, jealousy, hatred. People in this condition may suspect that they’re being deceived, and frequently feel hurt or injured by others. Sometimes they experience a general feeling of discontent and unhappiness without knowing why.
The root of their difficulties, though, isn’t how other people treat them, but how they treat themselves, how little they love themselves. There is, I believe, nothing greater than the power of love, and each of us is its source. When we’re cut off from this source, when we don’t love ourselves unconditionally, when we judge ourselves as less than perfect and feel that we have flaws which make us undeserving of love it is easy to find evidence in the external world that how others love us is equally imperfect.
The person in the Holly condition who finds people who love him/her has become so disconnected from his/her own source of love that the love of others can’t be trusted. Lovers are deceitful, bosses favor other employees, and the good things of life happen to other people.
The response of finding oneself so vulnerable is similar to that of a trapped animal. Holly snarls, hisses, and behaves in an aggressively hostile manner in order to hide this vulnerability.
Though some people surely need Holly more than others, there are few of us who cannot benefit from its healing energies. Dr. Bach said: “Holly protects us from everything that is not Universal Love. Holly opens the heart and unites us with Divine Love.”
Like Holly (for self-love) Larch, which relates to self-esteem, is one of the more generally applicable of the Bach Flower Remedies.
Self-esteem relates to capabilities, i.e., what you feel you can do, what level of risk and challenge you can take on, and how much confidence you have in your ability to surmount obstacles. It is a quality in which most people are lacking.
To some extent, this lack stems from the unique nature of human infancy and childhood. We are born relatively helpless and take a relatively long time to learn how to protect ourselves. Our parents, as guardians of our safety, feel that they must warn us against danger, constantly telling what not to do, where not to go. Thus, many of us may get the impression that anything our parents hasn’t told us is safe, is dangerous, an impression which may persist into adulthood.
This feeling (and resultant cautious behavior) may be aggravated when parents, while consciously believing that they’re protecting their children try to keep them from living more adventurous lives than they have done (and straying too far from the family fold). Such a parent may say, “I’m only thinking of your own good, and you’ll never make any money as an artist” or “she’s a very nice girl, but too different from you.”
Classic Larch types are the people who say without resentment or jealousy, “I can’t do that.” They may use excuses, such as “I’m not well enough,” or “It’s because I’m a woman,” but they genuinely believe that those who can are superior to them. This is rarely the case.
Milder cases of Larch are much more common. I often have clients say that they’ve been working on their self-esteem levels, but that there’s lots of room for improvement.
Larch can also be given as an adjunct to other flower essences. For example, people who need the courage to stand up for themselves (Centaury) find that a dose of self-esteem strengthens their resolve.
This essence particularly relates to one’s relationship to one’s mother. For many people this relationship is characterized by anger and resentment.
They may use up a lot of energy that could be put to far more life enhancing purposes in blame. They may use their relationships with their mothers as the reasons why they haven’t had happy lives, why they can’t form lasting relationships themselves, why their own relationships with their children don’t work.
It is certainly true that when we lack nurturing in our earliest months and years, we can end up feeling unloved and unwanted. We can become alienated from our own nurturing instincts. Knowing this, however, is not healing.
What does heal is to take responsibility for nurturing ourselves, for recognizing that each of us is the source of unconditional love for ourselves and others, and that we are the ones who can unblock this energy. In order to do so we need to take responsibility for ourselves; we need to acknowledge that we are fully worthy of love, and we also need to learn to forgive our own mothers.
The flower essence most effective in helping us to do this is Mariposa Lily. It can help us to come to terms with the past, to accept what happened. It assists us in not letting the past run the present. It opens our channels to the universal source of nurturing, unconditional love (which some call Divine Mother or Goddess),
and to recognize that this love is always available to us and within us.
Sunflower is in many ways the floral equivalent of citrine. Like the stone, it helps to balance ego energies, allowing those who have dimmed their light with feelings of low self-esteem to experience appreciation of themselves, and helping those who mask low self-esteem with egotism to experience a balanced self-appreciation.
Sunflower is particularly helpful in healing one’s relationship with one’s father. Those who experienced their fathers as overbearing and dominating may have learned to fear the aggressive aspects of self, and thus hide their own light.
Sunflower teaches us how to use our light to heal ourselves and others.