Today we're gonna
dip into the ol' Mailbag and answer some
questions, hear some success stories, you know
how we do it.
So without any further ado, let's go to our first
caller...
*** QUESTION ***
to whom it may concern:
Yo, looking for a little help. So I have come a long
way recently. My fear of approach at clubs is almost
gone, street feels strange though. I feel like I may be
ready for a bootcamp.
I don't feel like bootcamp will be affective unless I
get my sets down solid.
My current set basically amounts to this:
Attraction
(good days)
Qualify (marginal)
Rapport (total crap)
My body language is good. I can get into set pretty
well.
In fact I get some assumed "secret society" status,
which I can hold with mostly body language.
Later I'll screw it up with poor escalation.
I guess my pluses are that I can get attraction well
and pass most early shit tests.
I think my rapport skills are shit and my qualify
routine is marginal. I also need help as to when and
how to escalating physically. Closing, whether it be
number, kiss or full monty is WEAK!
My biggest problem is I get deep into set and then sort
of flounder.
I am in, well liked by peer group, sort of fail to
isolate and close.
Thanks for the help-
mark
P.S. After rereading this I maybe over representing my
skillset, my comments are based on good sets, not on
total blowouts. -sorry
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
LOL... don't apologize. Nobody's perfect, even the best among
us get blown out from time to time.
The most important thing to remember is that this is a
skill like any other, and it takes time to build. To
use an old cliché, it's not a destination, it's a
journey. It sounds nutty, but enjoy those blowouts
while you can... I look back at some of my early crash
& burns with a sort of amused nostalgia.
Anyways, don't assume that a bootcamp would be
ineffective just because you're not at an advanced
level. At the beginning of the programs, the Executive
Coaches assess your skill level and tailor the
instruction to your particular needs. Whether you're
a total newbie or relatively advanced, you'll see
improvements after the program.
So now onto your question.
Sounds like you may be seeing things as being a little
too linear. For example, you're saying that you're sets
are: 1. Attract 2. Qualify 3. Rapport.
Here's the thing... while those things do need to
happen in that chronological order TO SOME EXTENT,
they're actually all happening CONCURRENTLY.
In other words, you need to be doing all three AT THE
SAME TIME. When I go in, I'm sparking attraction, gaining
rapport, and escalating physically
SIMULTANEOUSLY.
It might seem like it's kind of hard to juggle all these
things at once, but once you get the hang of it, it's
really not that difficult.
Think of it as being a symphony conductor, blending all
the elements together in harmony.
Now, there's something else that I think might be going
on here.
When I hear guys say things like, "I get attraction but
can't escalate," and then I observe them in the field,
nine times out of ten it's the same thing.
The fact of the matter is the guy isn't even TRYING to escalate.
Like, they'll sit there and run attract
material for forty minutes without even
establishing BASIC physical contact, touching
her arm or high fiving her for example. Or
they're standing three feet away from her like it's a
Jr. High school dance.
A lot of times these problems stem from feelings of
unreservedness, or from not wanting to blow the set when
they've gotten good reactions so far.
Listen, man, if you open a girl at a club and she sits
and talks to you for thirty minutes without getting
distracted and leaving, that's a major indicator of
interest.
These girls aren't stupid... they know what's
going on and have a reasonable expectation that you are
gonna step up and take responsibility for escalating
things. Very rarely are THEY gonna do it for you.
What's worse is, once you have attraction, there's a
very small window of time in which you can escalate.
Once that's passed, GAME OVER buddy.
So my advice to you? Step it up. Push the envelope of
what you think is possible... you'll probably be
surprised.
Another big mistake a lot of guys make is TOO MUCH
GROUP BEFRIENDING.
Yes, it's important to gain the trust and admiration of her
friends, but once you have it, MOVE ON. Isolate her from
the peer group at the earliest opportunity. "Can I borrow
your friend for a second?" usually works for me.
Then I take her to a more quiet area of the club and
run a quick rapport bit to set the new tone (usually
The Cube, do a search for this "ancient personality
test"), and then just shift gears into deep and wide
rapport, storytelling and the like, while simultaneously
upping the physical ante.
Next thing you know, I'm going for the kiss/venue change/extraction...
whichever seems appropriate.
Hope that helps you out, man.
Moving on...
*** SUCCESS STORY ***
Thought I'd chime in because I just completed the
course with RSD in Montreal.
My skill is very much improved from taking the course,
and I have a direction and understanding that I didn't
have before. It was well structured, and everyone got
direct attention and feedback in their interactions.
I finally got to see the types of skilled pickups that
I'd read about. It was nothing like I've ever see from
my natural friends, who are also very good in their own
right and I've learned a lot from them too.
The RSD guys are in a league of their own though.
The instructors would tell me exactly how to approach,
whisper into my ear what to say, and fix my body
language, right in set IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS!
The girls never noticed, and as soon as the corrections
were made they would really open up.
Then they would show the next one themselves, and
they'd do what they'd showed me and it would work for
them too.
Then they'd push another student in, and breakdown to
all of us what they were doing right and wrong while we'd
watch, and then go in and fix it and whisper what to say to them.
Progressively, everyone's skill was getting better.
They carefully coaxed a lot of very shy guys into sets,
and helped them quite a bit although I'm sure they'd
need a lot of work.
Some of these guys were really hard cases. You'd never
think to see them holding the attention of anyone, and they were
doing it.
Others were pretty good coming in, and those guys
were seeing major improvements and really heating things up.
I actually watched Tyler walk right up to a couple who
were making out, and say "MAY I CUT IN", as a joke.
He figured out the girl had just met the guy (he later
said because she was enjoying it too much), took her
from him, and then kissed her within 3 minutes and took
her number while the much bigger and better looking
guy just sat there in shock.
I was disgusted!
The whole group was great, too. I heard two students
give reports that they got laid at the end of the night,
and one of them was very shy.
Many students with no skill got tonguedowns and phone
numbers, and all of them seemed a lot more confident.
I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't take a lot from the program.
- Slo, Montreal, Canada
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Cool stuff. I was in Montreal on program last summer,
and I thought it was a really awesome city, in spite of
(or maybe because of) the fact that all I did for the
entire trip was go to clubs and meet girls.
It's always encouraging when I hear about guys walking
away from the programs with a noticeably improved social
intelligence and direction.
Like I was saying earlier, regardless of the level of
skill you have going in to the program, by the end of
the weekend you're going to see major improvements. Guys
who are novices will typically be opening sets regularly,
intermediate guys will be able to build attraction on a
consistent basis, and advanced students will see their
game refined to top level.
Moreover, the programs are intensely fun.
That whole "may I
cut in" bit, we do retarded stuff like that
all the time, just to clown around and keep everyone amused.
Anyways, rock on... keep going out and keep building on
that foundation you got at the program.
*** QUESTION ***
Dear pimp,
Hi. I'm from a very VERY conservative Christian
family with very conservative values. One of those
was "Do Not CUSS!" Alright, I swear a little now, but
to be honest, do you know what it's like to be ONE way
your whole life, and then change? I'll get to the
point. . .
When and when do you not swear to/with a girl?
What does it communicate? What does it not
communicate? When is it bad? When is it useful?
Could you just rant about that? Or have somebody else
do it?
Look, I'm from Arkansas. The Bible belt. I just
graduated from a VERY conservative and strict-ruled
Christian college. I'm not sure you would understand,
but please try! Please! My hero!!
I wuv you you sexy man meat,
Jon
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Uhh... okay... I DO live in San Francisco, but don't
get carried away here... I don't think your family would
approve, dude.
So...
To swear or not to swear? That is the question.
Seriously, I think your question is important, although
maybe not for the reasons you might think.
Whether you "cuss" or not is irrelevant to success or
failure in pickup. What matters is being congruent with
who you are.
Game, as I've said many times, is at its essence the
expression of your inner state, conveyed by the rhythms
you use to direct the energy of the social interaction.
Congruence is key to this.
Congruence is why we are drawn to people of charisma.
For most people, there's a gap between the persona that
they present to the world, and the true persona that
lies within them. For charismatic people, there is no
gap. They communicate on a very pure level, and people
are naturally attracted. We're hardwired to respond to
this sort of communication.
Now, personally, my everyday language tends to be
peppered, if you will, with all sorts of coarse and
coloful epithets, interspersed among various
thesaurus-style SAT words. So for me, cursing is just a
natural way that I express myself. If I were to roll up
on some girls and start saying, "Gee whiz!" and "Aw,
shoot!" it might seem somewhat odd. Incongruent.
Now, obviously, there are situations where you might
want to consider censoring yourself, for example, when
at a dinner with high-ranking government dignitaries or
some shit. ;)
It's a matter of calibration.
The most important thing, however, is that you stay
true to who you are. If you don't like to swear, then
using this type of language might actually work AGAINST
you.
Like a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing.
Hope that helps,
Jon.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's getting late and
I really should be going to sleep right now, so that's
it for the mailbag today.
Before I go, I wanted to let you know that we've just updated
our schedule for upcoming LIVE, IN-FIELD Real Social
Dynamics Personalized Workshops and Bootcamps.
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