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Lesbian Relationship Advice & Articles On Relationship Issues/Problems

Just when you think you have her all figured out, out of left-field comes a bolt of lightning that sends you reeling and questioning everything you ever thought you knew about the same sex. In lesbian partnership, each partner shines the light on the road when the road is dark as well as holds the mirror for the other to see the reflection of truth.

Learn The Secret To A Great Lesbian Relationship, How to have a good relationship with your love, What makes a good relationship? What is the truth about your love life and its future? Learn the difference between online browsing and online dating! How can you let go of your past and stop picking the wrong people? Why do women do, what they do? Learn the top ways to motivate the opposite sex and get what you want from your relationship! Learn how to deal with the pain of a cheating partner. Learn to make smart dating decisions that will attract healthier relationships to you! Find out if your current relationship will last? Is he or she really "the one?" How can you stop being single once and for all? Do you want a commitment from a man and can't seem to get one?

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We invite you to explore the private relationship advice consultations offered for your personal growth and enjoyment. Learn how to get your free consultation today. They will enrich your intimate relationships, restore your physical vitality and create balance in your life.

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Get help with breaking up, cheating, dating, divorce, friends and family, marriage, men, women, online dating, relationship problems, commitment, communication, domestic abuse, gay and lesbian issues, infidelity, jealousy, long distance relationships, sex and intimacy problems, sex, single life, weddings and more.

Free mini relationship consultations and relationship advice on improving your sexual relationship, preventing infidelity, and much more. Online relationship counseling and telephone advice, dating help, sexual health issues, dream interpretation and help with other relationship problems. Free Relationship advice and coaching for married, gay partners, divorced or singles!

Lilly provides relationship counseling for singles and couples, whether you are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, love is for everyone. It can change your life forever. Learn the skills you need to create love, intimacy and commitment in your life.

Are you looking for relationship advice on love, romance, understanding men or understanding women? Get expert relationship advice today from our relationship coach, Lilly. Trying to avoid divorce? Get relationship advice for your relationship problems and help avoiding divorce by calling today.

We offer relationship advice, relationship quizzes, relationship coaching, relationship classes and a weekly relationship newsletter. Free relationship advice available to anyone searching for relationship advice or marriage guidance. Topics covered include:

Bouncing Back and Recovering from a Break Up

Being dumped can be one of the most painful experiences in someone's life. This article will walk you through things you can do to get back in the game with the least down time.

Breaking Up

Is continuing your relationship becoming more trouble then its worth? Go over the questions you need to ask yourself, and if necessary, tips on informing your new Ex.

Cheating "Aftermath"

You cheated. You did the unthinkable. What do you do now? Do you tell or not? Either course of action has its own drawbacks as well as its benefits. Before you decide, you should take time to figure out why you cheated, and whether or not you want to remain in the committed relationship.

Cheating "Why Not"

Thinking about cheating, but not sure if you can? Go over some of the more common reasons not to cheat.

Flirting

There is something so exhilarating about flirting. Flirting does not necessarily mean you like a person but it does say you are playful and you like the "thrill of the hunt". The easiest step to take in being a good flirt is to be friendly. Never let a past rejection cloud your judgment or make you wary.

Long Distance Relationships

Having a long distance between you and your loved one can be a difficult experience, even if your relationship makes it through. Walk through the steps to helping your relationship survive your time apart.

Meeting People

Learn where to go to meet people, as well as tips on starting conversation, and getting a phone number for later.

Passion

Have you ever noticed your relationships becoming old and stale? Discus the passion that was there at the start.

Women

Nervous about approaching girls? Learn dating tricks that every guy needs to know!
 

Staying Together

Having a successful long term relationship doesn't just happen. Talk through important things to remember to make sure your relationship lasts for a long time.

Surviving Valentines Day

For couples, Valentine’s Day can be a pleasurable light-hearted occasion or a deeply romantic event. Unfortunately, the day can also create high expectations that result in disappointment. For single people, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of the relationship they long for or the loneliness they feel in their lives. Learn how you can survive the occasion relatively intact.

Win Her Back

In the dog house? Need to find a way to get her back? Learn what you can do to get her back in no time.

Lesbian Relationships: Talking About Our Relationships

At one time or another most of us have heard or spoken the juicy words, "guess who so-and-so is seeing?" and "did you hear that so-and-so are breaking up?" Our interest in the ups and downs of each others' relationships is so great that our desire to hear more is not limited to the lesbians we know but to any one in our immediate and distant community (remember our focus on Ellen and Ann?) And while many lesbians gossip and speculate about other lesbians, how often do we talk about what's going on in our own relationships? I mean really talk - not only about what's good but about what's hard.

The Myth of the Perfect Lesbian Relationship

It sometimes feels like a risk to be honest about our relationships - as if there's an unspoken myth that all lesbian relationships are perfect and the same. If ours doesn't measure up to the ideal model, there must be something wrong with us.

Our need to proclaim and protect our love in the context of a lesbian-hating society often feels like pressure to hide the struggles in our relationships for fear they'll be used against us. This need to defend our relationships and present a perfect image can lead to our minimizing and denying the problems that do exist.

We Create Our Own Relationships

In truth lesbian relationships can vary a great deal. How we construct our relationships is both a reflection of the wider heterosexual model as well as a reflection of our own creativity to create relationships within a void. With few or no models to look to, we are often freer than heterosexuals to create relationships of our own choosing rather than ones based on social conditioning and expectations.

Some lesbian relationships exist outside the mainstream heterosexual model, operating on entirely different values. They may embrace non-monogamy, be poly-amorous, live in separate homes for years, be committed to resolving their problems while staying together for "as long as we are good together" rather than "till death do us part", and relate to each other as equals and friends as well as lovers. Being in a lesbian relationship can feel like starting from scratch - we get to ask ourselves what kind of relationship we want rather than feel compelled to follow some Hollywood model.

But it's not always easy to be so inventive. We don't live in a vacuum, there are social pressures on us. For lesbians, homophobia can present an obvious pressure and strain on our relationships.

The Pressure of Homophobia

Many lesbian relationships suffer under the critical eyes of homophobic family and peers. Arguments about whether or not to come out, with whom and when can occur. Even when there is agreement not to be out, there may be differences between women about how far to go to hide their relationship. Where only one woman isn't out, her repeated denial of the existence of the relationship may leave her partner feeling hurt, insecure, and unloved. The one who isn't out may even blame and resent her partner who serves as a reminder of her own secrecy and feelings of guilt. Both women may feel depressed, irritable, and unhappy and take it out on each other.

Hurt and angry feelings can lead to arguments, insecurities, and worries about the stability of the relationship. In this situation, it is vitally important for both women to talk about how they are feeling, and hear and understand each other's concerns and fears.

Even when both women are mostly or completely out, homophobia can, take its toll - because of harassment, fear of harassment, times it's scary to be out and you pull apart from each other, rumors that get started, assumptions that are made about you, and so on. Repeatedly framing the problem as homophobia, rather than an inadequacy on the part of either women, helps to lay the blame where it belongs and instead of fighting about how to handle situations it is far better to bond over a mutual problem and find your way through it together.

Doubly Stigmatized

When there are differences between women, based on such things as race, culture, age and sexual identity it can be an additional hurdle to cross. Added to this is the reality that too often even lesbian friends can be critical and unsupportive of overt differences between women assuming that it will never work out. This can be particularly devastating and isolating to a couple - to be rejected by both the mainstream and their own communities. Although this reluctance on the part of friends to accept your partner often changes over time, it's still very hard for couples to be doubly stigmatized. Couple in these situations often feel like they have to present their relationship and partner as perfect because everyone is expecting them to fail. This is too much to expect of yourself. Finding people who support your relationship is so very important, even if it means going to couple's therapy for awhile.

Having Time Apart

It's not uncommon in the beginning of a relationship for lesbian couples to spend all of their free time together - basking in each other's love and mutual discovery. Friends my be dropped, separate activities cease, and the relationship becomes like a cocoon. This may feel really good to both women for awhile. But, in time, this total focus on each other decreases usually with one of the women expressing a need to have space.

She may need time alone, or want to spend time with her friends. If she's felt it for awhile, it may come out abruptly or desperately. Either way, her partner may hear her as saying she needs to get away from her. Feeling hurt or rejected, she may get upset or angry and question her lover's love or commitment. The one wanting space may feel misunderstood, suffocated and possibly controlled, and then feel an even greater need for space. Not a good combination!

Short of lots of mutual understanding and reassurances at this point or shortly thereafter, many couples end up arguing. Rather than figuring out how to support each others' needs for separate time, they may only get time apart after a fight which is not satisfying for either woman.

Dealing With Our Differences

Dealing with differences can be a real challenge for couples. As lesbians, we love that we're both women - our sameness feels good and right. We delight in each other, our bodies, doing things together, swapping clothes, sharing food, music, ideas and laughter. But, when we hit a point, or too many points, of differences we may feel uncomfortable, scared or angry. From the less important things like when we go to bed, to more important things like not getting along with each other's friends or not enjoying the same social activities, eventually we discover that we have differences.

Our difficulty dealing with differences may be due to a discomfort with the separateness they can create, or the fact that differences challenge our assumptions about the way people or relationships "should be like". Maybe we think that feeling separate is not okay or means there is a problem when it's actually a very healthy thing and helps us to feel even closer. Maybe we're uncomfortable with our own privilege and how that gives us power in the relationship.

If our identity is wrapped up in the other person, we may believe that our differences mean that there is something wrong with us or them but differences are just that - differences. They don't mean anything more than that - the challenge is to accept our differences and even rejoice in them. We can learn from each other's differences. A partner who needs a lot of space may learn how to set her boundaries clearly and compassionately. A partner who needs less space may learn the value of space or to not feel abandoned when her lover takes space.

Our inclination can be to suppress differences that arise - worried that they mean something is wrong with the relationship. But, suppressing differences only leads to flat, stifled relationships or the opposite - lots of fighting. Unacknowledged or undervalued differences lead to resentment, can dampen sexual desires, fuel power imbalances and lead to despair, frustration and bitter arguments. Letting differences out into the light of day and not attaching any negative meaning to them goes a long way in a relationship. Noticing, talking about and appreciating differences can prevent all sorts of problems.


Dealing With Conflict

When resentments do build up, many women avoid addressing them. Many of us are never taught ways of dealing with our anger and conflict. Many women try very hard to get along and to minimize differences or feelings of anger and resentment. But, our anger doesn't go anywhere and usually builds up and comes out in indirect ways which is usually hurtful to the other person and the relationship.

Airing resentments is really important and women often have to work at doing this. Taking time to listen to others' resentments can help. Listening to and understanding each others' anger goes a long way. It's not about who's right or wrong but about understanding each others' perspectives.

Sometimes a good remedy for a relationship problem is to talk to a trusted and supportive friend about what's going on in your relationship - not in someone else's relationship! Our struggles are not so very different from each other and we can learn from hearing how other lesbians have handled their problems - something we don't get to hear enough about.


© Kali Munro, 1998, 2001.

Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist 416 929-4612
email@KaliMunro.com  www.KaliMunro.com
 

Free Lesbian Relationship Advice - FREE 3 Minutes

Relationship consultations cover past incarnations experienced together, the spiritual opportunities and challenges of those incarnations and the appropriate path to walk in your present life to clear karmic influences.

Karmic relationships usually last from five to seven years. At the end of that cycle relationships often end but the love for one another is still present. Breaking out of a relationship when two people are still in love can be traumatic. By understanding your past history together a deeper insight into the governing forces of your present relationship is acquired.

This insight can give you the transformational tools needed to create a loving expression of support towards one another as you walk forward in this life together or individually.

Topics covered in a relationship reading include:

How to help family members, friends, or relatives on their soul path.

Why people are together, what they are learning from one another and how to help each other reach their fullest potential.

How to develop good communication skills.

Guidelines for working through problems.

Past life connections and karmic influences.

These are sample topics. All types of questions are welcome.


Whispy.com is your resource for advice on love and relationships. Advice topics include: loving, relationship issues, dating, personal ads, romance, passion, sex, intimacy, sensuality, divorce, family matters, body and soul, awareness, fear resolution, priorities and more.

Are you looking for relationship advice on love, romance, understanding men or understanding women? Get expert relationship advice today from our relationship coach, Lilly. Trying to avoid divorce? Get relationship advice for your relationship problems and help avoiding divorce by calling today.

How can Lilly help you? Click here to read feedback from our callers. No need to worry about what you are going to say. Lilly is trained to guide you through the process. Just make the call and let us do the rest. Telephone consultations are private, confidential and can fix a relationship even when one person is doing the work!

Online Relationship Readings are designed to support you on your journey to release the wounds, heal the past, and embrace the future. I am honored to help support, and celebrate the process of each persons own inner knowing, that innate intelligence that guides and governs all from within.

I believe that all have the power within to make the choices to pursue the path in life they wish. Each of us must walk our own path (not that dictated by another) to fulfill our soul's desire. This part of my guidance is geared on helping you find YOUR path and tools you have brought in with you for this lifetime.

My purpose is not to take your power away from you, each of us require assistance from time to time in clearing up a "cloud" around a situation, however; my goal is to assist YOU in finding the center of YOU the place within where all true answers are found whereby; we find our true empowerment.

My goal is to enlighten, and empower others through awareness, understanding and education. In partnership with Divine Guidance, I strive to be The Pathway that spans the gap between Belief and Knowing. My mission is to be a celebration of healing for body, mind and spirit. My purpose is putting you in touch with yours.