Title: Living With No Regrets - Proactive Living

 

While attending a video seminar last month, the phrases "carpe diem" and "no regrets" were thrown around. At the time, I just let the words go in one ear and out the other; after devoting a good chunk of time philosophizing, however, I came to a conclusion. What I feel is that there is a distinct difference between these two ways of approaching
life.

Carpe Diem

There is no real problem with "seizing the day," so to speak, as it only results in experiences that will enrich an individual's life and add to his or her memory bank. Living by seizing the day generally is done so that a person will experience happiness or have fun more often than by taking a passive attitude towards life. Most often, behavior of these people is harmless, as it results in them taking more "risks" - going skydiving, traveling the world, talking to that attractive person across the room, pursuing a risky business venture, etc. The destructive aspects of living by this philosophy - drinking heavily, doing drugs, driving like a maniac, etc. - really only result in personal harm for the individual person. There is little harm to the observers of those justifying their "morally inappropriate" behavior through the phrase carpe diem. Regardless of whether the persons living like this are destructive or not, they are completely aware of what they are doing.

No Regrets

Those living by the philosophy of COMPLETELY "no regrets" are not aware of what they are doing, and are destructive to observers. Because these people don't regret any of their past actions, they approach life haphazardly, unaware of their effects to outside people. In addition to this, they also appear as spiteful or out of their minds to others around them. They justify any past injustices against people with the simple two words of "no regrets," although in actuality this is indeed no explanation. They will continue acting impetuously in their daily actions, only to justify it later as having no regrets about them. They don't regret the time they teased another kid at school, the time they passed a joint to their friend, the time they were playing with somebody's heart, the time they cheated on a test, the time they ended up in a gutter the next day after a night of drinking; in essence, any moral or legal code is below them. They, unwittingly, are supermen.

While it's bad enough having people run around not regretting any thing that they do, will do, and have done, there are also the people who act by both philosophies - having no regrets and seizing the day. Here's to hoping you don't meet any of these masquerading ubermensch in your lifetime. They're a force to be reckoned with.

THAT SAID .... I want to be clear on this:

Everyone has regrets ( and some of us should have!), but not everyone can LET THEM GO! Take time to relieve the pain, anger, guilt, and shame of unresolved regrets, and then let go. Learn how to truly live with no regrets.

Interviews with the elderly and the terminally ill do not report that people have regret for the things they have done but rather people talk about the things they regret not having done. Consider the following list of regrets.

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.

I would be sillier than I have been this trip.

I would take fewer things seriously.

I would take more chances.

I would take more trips.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

Oh, I've had my moments and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

I would ride more merry-go-rounds.

I would pick more daisies.

These responses were collected from the book called Chicken Soup for the Soul, written by Jack Cranfield and Mark Victor Hansen, and published by Health Communications Inc. They illustrate how easy it is to live your life without taking the time to enjoy it.

I believe life is a precious gift from God and that he wants us to enjoy it to the full. I also believe that without his help our lives will suffer because of it. As Augustine, a theologian of the fourth century wrote while referring to God, "You made us for yourself and our hearts find no peace until they rest in you".

When I was in college and you approached my front door you couldn't help but notice the bright white awning with green lettering that reads "No Regrets Apartments". An energetic, friendly and eccentric woman owned my building, it is the theme by which she lives her life. She has lived in the same neighborhood all her life, yet has friends she corresponds with all over the country, she never learned how to drive, yet gets around twice as much as people half her age, she sometimes skips lunch but a day never passes that she doesn't enjoy some gourmet chocolate, and her whole life even in fancy restaurants she always eats her dessert first. When I have asked how she is she has smiled back and said, with a smirk in her upbeat voice" I can't complain, it doesn't do any good anyway". She is on the move living by her own rules, always looking forward never looking back.

Every time I walked under the awning and through my front door I was reminded of the importance of living without regrets. Every day, every moment we have a choice, a choice to be fully who we want, who we dream to be or to pretend that we are less magnificent than our true selves. To pretend we have few wants, few desires and few ideas for how we really want our lives to be. Have you chosen to reach for the stars while living a life full of possibilities and passion or to keep holding on to the railing, by passing your time in the seat of the mundane, thinking about what might have been?

Eliminating Regrets

Imagine being surrounded by 500 dolphins, some leaping into the air, some playing, some jumping in unison, some jumping with a baby dolphin, some resting. Imagine being in the water with a snorkel and mask and seeing these amazing creatures up close, and way beneath you, gliding through the water effortlessly, no doubt wondering what kind of animals we were that could only move so slowly. Imagine hearing them as they talked with each other. Imagine!

Late last year, pondering the events of 9/11, I asked myself what I would regret not having done if I had one week to live. I have had a dream for a long time to swim with dolphins in the wild. This is what came in answer to my question. I decided not to put it off any longer. Within 3 months I was in Cancun.

Being in nature, and being lucky enough to share the dolphin’s environment, I was reminded again of being part of something much bigger than my little world at home and I was reminded of my purpose.

We strive to create balance in our environment so as to create that balance within us. I have been reminded yet again of the balance that exists in nature. This was a time of reconnecting with myself, gaining perspective and clarity. Sometimes it takes stepping outside of our daily lives to really see things clearly. I saw how I periodically take these chunks of time to reconnect with myself, and how I want more of this in my daily life. It’s part of the environment that supports me to be my best.

Traveling alone, I met and interacted with people in a way I never would have, had I been traveling with someone else. I’ve never shared a Caesar Salad with a priest from Fiji in LAX airport before and I’ve never been last onto a plane before – the two are connected! I had ideas for new directions in my work, I experienced great synchronicity, and my creativity rose to the fore. This was truly a magical time and I savored each moment. It makes me wonder how much I miss in my daily life at home.

I had the perfect mix of time with dolphins, time with others and time alone. I was reminded of parts of myself I had forgotten, and I came back inspired to make changes in the design of my life.

I see a bigger picture with my work. I know I want more of what I have just had, and I know I want more of that in my daily life also. I know all my environments – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual are changing to support a new awareness and who I am now. I received big lessons about flow from these amazing dolphins, and I noticed I came back with an urge to take uncluttering my life to another level.

All aspects of our life combine to create balance. We each have so many choices as to how we live our lives. Everything is constantly changing and we have dynamic, passionate lives by flowing with those changes and creating environments that support us in the choices we are constantly making in our lives.

What is your dream? It is your dream for a reason. How can you incorporate elements of your dream into your life now? How can you start moving towards your dream?

How can you create environments that support your highest aspirations?

Does your physical environment reflect who you truly are? Is it telling you what you
want it to be telling you?

Do your friends bring out the highest in you?

Does the food in your refrigerator reflect your health choices?

Do the books you read support the thoughts you want to be thinking?

Do you create an environment where you have the space you need?


Remember a time when your creativity flowed, and you experienced synchronicity – what was present in your environment? Think about your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual environments.


How can you have more of that in your daily life, along with the emails, the laundry and your family? How do you step back to see your life clearly? Is there anything you need to add to your life to support you in this? These questions are all about integrity and having your environment in alignment with who you are. It’s about being honest about who you are – especially to yourself, and keeping your inner fire alive. It’s about walking your talk.

You are responsible for making sure you are served up a full helping in life. No one else can go to the buffet line for you, you won't get what you want if you let anyone or anything else select the main course of your life.

When you are older sitting on your sunny porch in your automated, back massaging rocking chair reflecting back on your life, will you wish you had done anything different? Will there be any opportunities you wanted to take but did not, any great ideas you let float away, any important dreams you let go unfulfilled, I hope not, everybody says they want to have no regrets. Take the time. In the words of George Elliot" It is never too late to be what you might have been".

If you want to have no regrets at the end of your life that means you have to live each day of your life with no regrets and let the old ones go! The answer is proactive living. This fulfilling lifestyle involves doing what you want to do, going where you want to go, being who you want to be. You know you are living and working without regrets when you are fully engaged, alert, alive, enthusiastic and in action in your life.

When you are proactive in your life problems are seen as possibilities, obstacles are seen as opportunities to learn and occasions to do things differently. What could be possible for you in you were living a proactive life? Would you go back to school and study ballroom dancing or Buddhism, travel through Europe on a bike, risk that new romance, start a new business ?

The only thing standing between you and a life without any regrets is you. Think about your life, where are you proactive and where do you need a jolt to get you going ?

If you are ready for a new proactive lifestyle where you will be more fulfilled everyday, and squeeze more juice out of everyday read on ...


Strategies for Proactive Living


1. Commit Yourself to Proactive Living

Right now this is the only life you have. Make an agreement with yourself that you are not going to sit this one out, commit to being a participant, not an observer. Commit yourself to the process of finding and following your dreams, wants and desires.


2. Point Out Past "Pro-actions"

Make a list of all the moments in your life where you felt proactive. Then identify what was it about that experience that made you feel that way. For example if you identified serving in the Peace Corp. as a time of being proactive, identify if it was, the adventure, the opportunity to educate others, to help shape a community, or learning about another culture that was the real positive part of the experience. Alternatively, if you felt proactive when you first used a computer, was it doing something new, achieving a goal or actually working with technology that made you feel proactive.


3. Tolerate Nothing

Ask yourself, what are you tolerating in your life? Is there a health challenge you are not addressing, a relationship you have long outgrown, a home full of paraphernalia that is crowding you? If you are not being proactive in life you are being reactive.


4. Identify Proactive People

Make a list of ten people you are acquainted with that you believe live life proactively. These are the people you want to spend time with, collaborate with, pioneer with, play with.


5. Jot it Out

Keep a journal for a week and notice when you are feeling the most proactive. Write these things down and then at the end of the week reread your journal and see if there are any common threads or directions that need further investigation.


6. Try New Things

Make a list of all the things you would like to do. Add to the list everyday. Once a week for six weeks try something new. In addition to having new experiences and perhaps finding some new talents and passions. Living without regrets means trying everything you want to try.


7. Get Into Action

Once you commit to proactive living, living without regrets the only thing left to do is get moving, get working on it, get going. Write out all the big and small action items necessary to get you living your proactive lifestyle. Start small with little steps, and as momentum builds you will find yourself naturally engaging fully in life, naturally not holding back.

As you begin this new lifestyle, watch closely and notice what is different. Maybe soon you will place an awning or a plaque or even a welcome mat by your front door that lets all who enter know: Here lives a person with no regrets.