You are not alone. There is relief, and there are answers. 

You Have The Courage to Forgive and The Freedom Not To ..

Facing the Challenges of Rebuilding Your Relationship After an Affair, Infidelity, or Cheating

FREE INFIDELITY, AFFAIRS & CHEATING RESOURCES

Restoring Trust After The Affair Is Possible! SurviveAnAffair.com

Beating Cheating

Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating? Discover the “TRUTH” ( in 48 hours or less) about whether the “love of your life” is actually being unfaithful to you, or not. Find out who they are cheating on you with, where, when & for how long. THIS SITE IS ONLY MEANT FOR THOSE WHO CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH IN EVERY SITUATION (however hurtful it may turn out to be.) By the time you've read this page you will know exactly what next steps to take.

How To Keep Other Women Away From Your Man (protect your relationship from infidelity)

One of the hardest things in life is watching someone you love, loving someone else. Don't let that happen to you. Wouldn't you like, not to ever worry about losing your man to another woman? Stopping infidelity only takes you educating yourself about what to do and how to go about doing it. Isn't your relationship worth the extra knowledge you will acquire from reading about solutions to infidelity? Rather than live in fear of the possibility that your spouse is committing adultery or remain paralyzed by a betrayal that has taken place, you can educate yourself on infidelity and empower yourself to prevent infidelity from happening. Learn how to prevent infidelity, affairs & cheating in your relationship, here.

Eight Heart-Wrenching Emotions You Will Face

by:  Dr. Frank Gunzburg

Almost everyone faces these eight emotions when they find out about an affair. If you think you aren’t feeling one of them, I encourage you to look very closely at yourself and make sure it isn’t there.

Once you have fully examined the emotion, if you find you aren’t feeling it at all, that’s fine. Simply move on to the next emotion and look at that one. However, if you get to the bottom of the list and you think you are only feeling one or two of the eight emotions discussed, you could be in a bit of denial. I know this hurts, but you’ll move on more successfully after you face your own turmoil and pain.

Betrayal

This is the big one. I doubt that you would have picked up this book if you weren’t feeling this. Betrayal is the sense that someone has intentionally taken advantage of your trust. Betrayal is at the very root of infidelity. It is what causes many of the other emotional problems that come up when you find out your partner has cheated on you.

Guilt

Many people feel guilty when they find out about an affair. On some level they think that the affair is their fault. They might think, “If only I had been a better partner, this would never have happened.”

No matter what kind of partner you were, or are, you did not choose to have an affair and take advantage of the trust that was established between the two of you. You did not choose for the other person to hurt you.

Disappointment

When you have spent years building a life with another person and they come home and tell you that they have cheated on you, you are bound to feel disappointed. You will likely feel disappointed in them. But you might also feel disappointed in yourself, in men or women (depending on the cheater’s gender), in humankind as a whole, or even in life itself.

These reactions are normal. But be careful not to let your feelings slide into the despair of hopelessness. If you do that, you’re going to hit the roadblock we talked about above.

Anger

Anger is the fraternal twin of betrayal. They go hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm. When you feel betrayed, you almost immediately feel angry. If you are feeling a sense of betrayal and you aren’t feeling any anger, look to see if you aren’t hiding something from yourself.

Think about and answer these questions: What makes you so angry about the affair? What are some of the angry scenarios you dream about? What are the particular concepts about the affair that anger you? Are your angry feelings related to other experiences in your personal history? How do you feel your anger in your body? How do you express your anger?

Vengefulness

This emotion is usually associated with anger. Many people want to take revenge on the cheater, on the person the cheater was involved with, or both. They envision hurting the cheater as much as they have been hurt.

Instead of actually enacting your vengeful fantasies, try writing about them. What kinds of vengeful fantasies do you have? What would you hope for out of the vengeance? What does this reveal to you about the way you feel in this situation? How do you experience the vengeful feeling in your body? Were there other times or places when you had these feelings? How do these earlier experiences (if there were any) impact your current feelings?

Fear

When you find out your partner has had an affair, there are so many things to fear. You might be afraid that the life you once knew is over. You might be afraid that you will never be able to repair your relationship. You might be afraid that they will do it again.

Frustration

There is no question that having someone cheat on you can cause frustration. You likely will be frustrated with the cheater, frustrated with the person they cheated with, frustrated with yourself, and frustrated with the whole world. After all, something has been done to you and to your relationship that was and is out of your purview.

This feeling of frustration is often compounded by the fact that you now have to cope with so many painful thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it might feel like you are heaping frustration upon frustration.

Paranoid Feelings

I use the term “paranoid feelings” here to mean feelings that include suspiciousness. I am not using “paranoid” in the technical or diagnostic sense. Paranoid here is meant to indicate a deep fear that someone or something is out to get you or is engaging in some activity that will cause you pain behind your back. It is quite easy to see why the injured person in an affair situation might feel paranoid.

Paranoid feelings can be destructive to your peace of mind if taken too far. But a bit of suspicion or, perhaps, skepticism isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You deserve to have the cheater prove to you that they are not carrying on with the affair and will not get involved in another one. Be suspicious enough to get that need met. If you don’t, developing trust will be that much more difficult.

Facing the Challenges of Rebuilding Your Relationship

Now that we have looked at some of the common emotions you probably are facing, it is time to learn how to cope with those emotions in healthy and helpful ways.

Managing Guilt

Your experience with guilt is going to be different than your partner’s experience with it. The injured person’s experience of guilt (if there is one at all) usually comes from an ill-founded sense that they are somehow responsible for the affair. This is not the case, and I have tried to help them realize that this is not the case throughout the previous two sections of the book.

You are responsible for the affair. Even if your partner was horrible to you, you are still the one who chose to have an affair. That means that the guilt you are feeling actually is justified and should be part of your experience as you heal.

The good thing about guilt is that it shows you care, and it gives you a good road sign so you know you’ve done something wrong. Problems develop when guilt is taken to extremes and people get so bogged down in it that they feel constantly tormented. This is problematic because it doesn’t serve anything, and it can get in the way of the healing process.

Self-forgiveness

Learning how to forgive yourself and be compassionate with yourself is difficult for most people. We all expect so much out of ourselves that we don’t allow much space for this type of self-care. Self-forgiveness is especially difficult when you have done something wrong, and in the process, hurt people that you care about, as is the case with an affair.

You don’t want to forgive yourself so quickly and so easily that you minimize what you did. Your feelings of guilt exist for a reason. Don’t try and forgive yourself so that you can get this difficult period over with. That isn’t helpful either. You can’t get away with saying, “I’m sorry for what I did, now let’s move on and forget about it.” This attitude of quickly moving on minimizes and discounts your partner’s feelings.

Coping with Loneliness

Both partners are bound to feel lonely when they are confronted with an affair, but the cheater often feels greater loneliness than the injured because they are often removed from more of the people they once relied on for human contact and support. This includes their partner, the person they were having the affair with, and, in some cases, friends and family.

I recommended that you get in touch with the people who care about you for support, but that you not to go to your friends as the constant sad sack.

One thing to be aware of when engaging with other people is that you make sure that your partner knows what you are doing, that you aren’t with the person you were involved with or anyone else who could remotely be a threat to your relationship, and when you are coming home.

In addition, you don’t want to use these opportunities as a way to engage in more illicit behavior. Do not take someone out to lunch that you are attracted to or who is attracted to you. Better still, avoid meeting one-on-one with anyone of your preferred gender. That isn’t a solution; it just compounds the problem. Know yourself. Watch yourself. And give yourself what you need, within very safe bounds.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years. He is also the author of How to Survive an Affair, a step-by-step healing system that can help a couple repair their relationship after it has been shattered from an affair.  If your relationship has been damaged by an affair and you would like a step-by-step system for repairing your relationship, then please visit Dr. Gunzburg's site for more information: http://www.surviveanaffair.com

Restoring Trust After The Affair Is Possible - A step-by-step system for saving your relationship after it's been shattered by an affair. Tormented by your unanswered questions? Devastated after having your complete self-worth sabotaged? Work through the healing and restoration of your relationship after an affair. Learn how to restore the honesty, safety and trust back into your relationship (even if your partner isn't yet willing).

Save Your Marriage or Relationship if you really want to!