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Find out the truth and end the games.
There is nothing quite like the pain
and shock caused when a partner has
been unfaithful. The hurt partner
often experiences a profound loss of
self-respect and falls into a
depression that can last for years.
Cheating whilst in a relationship is probably the most hurtful thing one can do to their significant other.
It ends up not only hurting the ego;
it can make someone feel very insecure
about themselves.
Both the unfaithful partner and
the betrayed one can confront their
doubts and fears about recommitting,
constructively communicate pain and
anger, restore trust, renew sexual
intimacy and forgive.
Assuming that the affair is definitely
over and that both partners want to
continue their relationship -- and that’s
often a big "If" in these situations
-- their first priority should be the
restoration of trust.
While the person who had the affair is
held accountable for his or her
behavior,
relationship counseling provides a
safe, confidential, and balanced
environment in which everyone works
together to explore and rebuild the
relationship.
Discover how to survive an affair and
save your marriage or relationship by
ending the pain, healing the wounds
and restoring the trust, even if you
are the only one who wants to and
before it's too late ...
Having to face an affair in your
relationship or marriage can be
extremely confusing ... just getting
from one day to the next can be an
incredible chore.
And although there are certain
attributes in relationships that may
give someone the need to find sexual
affection and gratification elsewhere,
cheating usually results from a
dissatisfaction of sorts.
Right now, you are probably feeling as
though someone has either punched you
in the stomach or stabbed you in the
back -- or even both.
You are not alone.
Thousands of couples every single year
suffer from the effects of one or both
of the spouses having an affair ...
cheating, infidelity, adultery,
whatever ... it's all the result of an
affair.
And it's an awful thing to go through.
It causes unnecessary pain, hurt and
depression, and leaves one or both
spouses feeling bewildered and
wondering what to do.
And the worst part is that the affair
wasn't even necessary in the first
place ... it was a mistaken attempt on
the cheating spouse's part to find
something they thought was missing in
their existing relationship.
But here's the most important thing
you need to understand: the affair
wasn't your fault at all!
That's right -- it's NOT YOUR FAULT
Sure, you have done some things wrong
in your relationship, but you didn't
force your spouse to have an affair --
they CHOSE to do it.
And understanding THAT is the key to
unlocking the secret to saving your
relationship or marriage if it has
been devastated by an affair.
At the end of the day, we all just
want to be with someone who loves us
-- someone who makes us happy, makes
us feel needed, gives us the attention
we deserve and someone who we can
trust without having to think twice.
And that's not too much to ask for --
it's something we all deserve.
The affair is THEIR problem. Don't
worry about what you did or did not do
did not "cause" the affair. He CHOSE
that avenue to solve his dilemma. Did
you make mistakes? Sure, we all do.
Could you have done some things
differently? Of course! He could have
also! You are NOT defective. No one is
a better lover or person than you.
Nothing is wrong with you!
Please understand. I care for someone
who is having an affair because they
are trying to find something - like
all of us. The problem: their way of
finding that something is really
misguided. Anyone who chooses to trade
one set of problems for a worse set,
or really believes that another person
can make his life better or "complete"
obviously isn't thinking straight.
He is either lost in his empty
neediness or his life is run by his
glands. Choosing an affair is
temporary insanity. Affairs have
absolutely nothing to do with love -
everything to do with personal
neediness and the narcissistic need
for intense flattery. An affair is NOT
the answer. Affairs don't pan out.
People are different, right? Well, so
are affairs. Affairs are exceedingly
complex, but there are patterns that
you can identify.
What works to break free from one kind
of affair will be disaster for
another. Are you confused? Not sure
what to say? What to do? Afraid that
saying one thing might be destructive?
Do you feel like you are walking on
eggshells?
asking
for forgiveness after cheating
Identify specifically what you are up
against and you will feel more
confident because you know exactly
what will work and what will not work.
Lilly Calandrello
is a professional relationship counselor who
has devoted her life to helping
couples survive affairs by quickly
getting down to the REAL issues that
matter.
In her 20 years of experience working
hand-in-hand with couples, she has
detected some remarkably consistent
patterns that have caused affairs to
happen (after all, isn't it important
to know WHY it happened in the first
place so you can prevent it from
happening again?).
She's also perfected several
surprisingly simple techniques that
have proven to work time and time
again at saving relationships and
marriages after an affair.
Lilly can show you exactly what you
can say and do right now to survive an
affair.
No more wondering if doing this or
that is the right thing ... if saying
this or that will make things better
or worse ... if thinking this or that
makes you a good or bad person, etc.
You are just seconds away from
immediate help ...
An affair doesn't have to cause the
devastation, hurt and pain that you
are feeling right now, there is a
better way out.
Grab hold of this lifeline that
Lilly can
provide
you
right now before the tide gets out
of control and pulls you out into a
sea of unexplained and never-ending
emotional pain and heartache.
Don't leave
the affair to chance. Don't wait for "time to heal." Don't waste time with simplistic
suggestions or vague generalities. Don't act out of desperation.
Use Lilly's 20 plus
years of insight, education, counseling, study, experience and therapeutic spiritual work with thousands of
people - to act with purpose and confidence, knowing EXACTLY what you need to
do to break free from the affair.
Save Your
Marriage if you really want to!
"Discover How to Restore the Trust After An Affair - FREE Course"
| "I'll show you how to end the pain, restore the trust, ask the tough questions, and most importantly, determine exactly how your marriage or relationship can be saved after an affair AND how likely it is that an affair will happen again (and what you can do right now to prevent it)..." |
Dr. Frank Gunzburg |
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Download this FREE new 7-step email course from Dr. Frank Gunzburg and start learning today how to restore the trust back into your relationship.
You'll learn...
- How to start the healing process after an affair
- How to cope with initial trauma of the affair
- How to take control of your emotions and stay sane
- How to get the images out of your mind
- How to talk about the details of the affair
- Why the affair happened and how to prevent it from happening again
- Steps for restoring the trust back into the relationship
Simply add your name and email below and press the button that say's "Grant Me Access." After that happens in 30 seconds we will email you part 1.
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"Is 'Not Knowing' Killing You Inside ... Or
Your Marriage? Are You Tired of All The Lies And Excuses? Are You Afraid That
You'll Confirm Your Suspicions? More Importantly, Will You Ever Find Happiness
Again, If It Does Exist?
I assume you are
like 1,000s of others jolted by the affair, asking these questions:
(Substitute the word she for he if you would like.)
•Do I throw
him out?
•Or, should I let time heal?
•Will the affair stop?
•How long will it last?
•Can my marriage be saved?
•Should I talk to the other spouse?
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•Will I ever
be able to trust again?
•How do I get rid of my anger and ugly thoughts?
•Where did I fail?
•Will I ever forgive? Forget?
•Should I spy?
•and more... |
You are not alone! There is relief, and
there
are answers.
Most people don't play it smart. They react…usually in one
of two ways:
They try harder...to
tolerate. They swallow….hard. They wimp out and put up with all kinds of
crap. (Sorry about the language, but I assume you have thought worse.) They hope
time will cure and he will come to his senses.
Often they try
harder by being really nice - meeting his needs; it's called "working on the
marriage." Give him what he always said he wanted and win him back.
Doesn't work. You
prostitute your integrity…and deep down you know it.. and resent it. As well,
you feel like you are competing with the OP (other person.)
If he does stop
the affair and "comes back" it is out of guilt or pity and what do you really
have then?
Others Go on the attack.
Plead. Beg. Become righteous. Explode every so often. Threaten. Become
depressed. Enlist the help of others. Use guilt. Use the children. Talk. Talk.
Talk. Desperately make promises.
Doesn't work
either. You don't have to become a basket case; it's no fun. And if he does
"come back" it's out of coercion. Don't you want to be wanted rather than
have him feel like he must be with you because you bullied him?
FACTS:
•80% of those
who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
•Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.
•If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional
stresses as the marriage but twice as likely to fracture.
Identify
specifically what you are up against and you will feel more confident because
you know exactly what will work and what will not work.
Lilly identifies
7 kinds of affairs marked by the different excuses most commonly used:.
#1: My
Marriage Made Me Do It
#2: I Can't Say No
#3: I Don't Want to Say No
#4: I Fell Out of Love (and just love being in love)
#5: I Want to Get Back at Him/Her
#6: I Need to Prove My Desirability
#7: I Want to be Close to Someone (which means I can't stand intimacy)
People with
different motives have different kinds of affairs. You will learn more
about him than he knows about himself. You will understand his
personality, how his past influences him, how he typically copes with
relationships, his self-defeating patterns and more.
It will hit
you, "this person has a problem! - and it's not all mine!" (This is not to
say you don't have problems, we all do, but they have their origin in you, not
someone else or an institution such as marriage.)
Once you
understand each kind of affair and the kind of person who engages in that kind
of affair, it all makes sense.
•You make
better decisions.
•You develop more effective strategies.
•You begin to understand why it is so difficult.
•You feel more confident and centered.
•You have a road map to follow.
•And…you feel better
The FIRST and TOUGHEST Question you MUST ask Yourself
Do you ever
ask yourself why you remain with someone who is so self-destructive and has such
little regard for you? Do you assume others are thinking the same thing:
"Why in the world doesn't she throw him out?"
Here's the
question you MUST face FIRST:
Do I REALLY want to be (married) in
relationship with this person?
Don't jump past
this one with, "Sure, I love him… even though he's doing this." It usually is a
bit more complicated. Do I REALLY want
to be married to him? Or do I want to be with him out of my own neediness? Or
for other reasons?
Here's the
underlying problem. If you hold on to the relationship because of your neediness
or external factors, the chances of getting what you want are slim.
For each kind of
affair, I'll have you consider questions you never thought about; questions that
MUST be answered if you have any hope of breaking free.
You will be
much clearer on what you REALLY want. He will know and he will respect that.
With Your Crystal Ball - Predict the Future
Yes, you can
see into the future, too. Affairs are predictable. Once you identify the
patterns you can project ahead and know what most likely will happen next.
Here are a few examples:
•You CAN know
how long he will be involved in that affair.
•You CAN know whether he is more susceptible to a one-night stand or a
long-term affair.
•You CAN predict whether this will be the one and only affair or whether
more are down the line.
•You CAN predict the nature of his relationship with the OP.
•You CAN know whether they will live happily ever after.
•You CAN know whether it is primarily a sexual relationship or emotional
relationship.
•You CAN predict how and when the affair will end.
Once you have the
knowledge, once you understand the person(s), once you see the patterns, it
all makes sense.
Learn when and
how to send messages, use silence, get to the real commitment, leap your
partner, look for upset, contextualize, peel away layers to the truth, and gap
the goal, to name a few.
Don't Allow this to go on for 2- 4 Years,
so We're Making a Request of You…
Most studies
indicate that if you go it alone, it takes 2 - 4 years to work through and
resolve the affair, whether you stay married or not. Yes, you read that
right. But, you want the agony to end today or yesterday, don't you? Well, it
won't…and there are no magic wands to make that happen.
But, and this is
a huge but, it NEED NOT take 2-4 years.
Speak with Lilly
and help yourself break free. Find relief. Begin to make sense of the affair.
Know what you must and can do to turn this around. Learn how to move through
this agony quickly. A better life waits for you.
Get through this faster!
Gain confidence. Clear the fog of confusion and diminish the pain.
Have the crazy days,
sleepless nights, absent appetite and queasy stomach fade.
Find the strength and
courage you never thought you had. Exude a new power. He will notice and it
will shake his world.
Know in your heart that
the affair is not your fault. No more self-blame and self-loathing.
(You really did your best, you know)
Know exactly why he had
the affair. You will know him better than he knows himself.
In the next 6 months turn
this disaster into a new opportunity.
Melt your rage and
hurt into understanding and eventually compassion.
Become an expert in
affairs. Outsmart him and the OP.
Be tough AND patient
and understanding.
Eyeball him and he
will be the first to blink.
Surprise yourself and
partner with your newfound wisdom and insight.
Have a REAL chance to
stop the affair.
Say the right words
that shake your partner to the bone so he stops to truly consider the folly of
the affair.
- After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a
Partner Has Been Unfaithful (1997), by Janis Abrahms Spring, with
Michael Spring (New York: HarperCollins);
- Affairs: A Guide to Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity
(1999), by Emily M. Brown (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass); and
- Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving
an Affair (1998), by Lana Staheli (New York: HarperCollins).
Tormented by your unanswered questions?
Devastated after having your complete
self-worth sabotaged? Work through the healing
and restoration of your relationship after an
affair.
Learn how to restore the honesty, safety
and trust back into your relationship.
Beating Cheating
Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating? Discover the “TRUTH” ( in 48 hours or less) about whether the “love of your life” is actually being unfaithful to you, or not.
Find out who they are cheating on you
with, where, when & for how long. THIS SITE IS ONLY MEANT FOR THOSE WHO CAN
HANDLE THE TRUTH IN EVERY SITUATION (however hurtful it may turn out to be.) By
the time you've read this page you will know exactly what next steps to take.
How To Keep Other Women Away From Your Man
One of the hardest things in life is
watching someone you love, loving someone
else. Don't let that happen to you. Wouldn't
you like, not to ever worry about losing your
man to another woman? Stopping infidelity only
takes you educating yourself about what to do
and how to go about doing it. Isn't your
relationship worth the extra knowledge you
will acquire from reading about solutions to
infidelity? Rather than live in fear of the
possibility that your spouse is committing
adultery or remain paralyzed by a betrayal
that has taken place, you can educate yourself
on infidelity and empower yourself to prevent
infidelity from happening.
Learn how to prevent infidelity, affairs &
cheating in your relationship, here.
The Anatomy Of An Affair
The truth about infidelity and extramarital affairs based on
infidelity statistics. Learn new ways to
survive infidelity and extramarital affairs.
Infidelity statistics point to the infidelity warning signs and secrets of how
to survive infidelity, adultery and extramarital affairs and perhaps even how to
save your marriage. Discover the real reasons people cheat,
infidelity stories,
marriage advice, relationships advice to stop infidelity, how to tell if someone
is lying, signs of a cheating wife, signs of a cheating husband, emotional
affairs, revenge ideas, adultery and extra marital affairs in the future.
Divorce Decision - Decide If Divorce Is The Answer
Brilliant resource to help women who are unhappy in marriage make a careful
decision. Finally, learn how to make a
decision about your marriage, so you can put an end to your indecision, pain and
confusion...and feel confident & excited about your future. Straightforward,
easy to follow system to help you make a careful decision whether to stay in
your marriage or get a divorce.
How To Catch Your Cheating Lover
How you can quickly and easily discover if
your mate is cheating on you!
Adultery, Cheating Spouse Help
Top PI Bill Mitchell is an infidelity expert. He is a
nationally known guest of TV, radio and newsprint media.
Save Your Relationship
The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships.
How To Catch A Cheating Spouse
Newsflash! Discover What They've Been Doing, When
They've Been Doing it, Who They've Been Doing it With, How Long The Affair Has
Been Going On And More
Why Men Cheat
The Quick and Easy Way To Uncover Why Men Cheat for the Independent Woman!
Why Women Cheat
Find out the real reason why your woman cheated. Helps women give up the other
man.
Save My Marriage Today
Ever stayed awake at night stressing about whether or not your marriage will
last ... and what can you possibly do to save your marriage? Put an end to the stress and
anxiety of not knowing what to do to save your troubled marriage.
1000 Questions For Couples
What you absolutely must know about your relationship - test
your compatibility and grow deeper in love.
How To Get Your Ex Back
Learn how to turn the tables on your break up and have your ex scrambling for
your attention!
Bring Back A Lost Love!
Bring back the Love of your life, no matter how hopeless your situation
appears. Ends loneliness, ensures happiness!
Save The Marriage eBook
Save the Marriage: Even if Only You Want to Work on It. Discover how to move
from stalemate to soulmate.
500 Secrets About Men
This package is required reading for every woman who loves a man. What you
absolutely must know about him to make him yours!
101 Great Love Letters
Pre-written letters you can use right away. Also 5 fantastic bonus products
with an extra 120 love messages.
Stop Your Breakup Now!
Now You Can Stop Your Break Up and Get YOUR Partner
Back in YOUR Arms Where They Belong!
Lifeline After Divorce
A Powerful Recovery Program. Getting through the first stages after the
announcement, reb |
