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Infidelity Help & Advice About Surviving An Affair
You have the courage to forgive and the freedom not to ...
Affairs hurt. Tormented by your unanswered questions? Tired of all the Lies and excuses? Afraid That you'll confirm your suspicions? Devastated after having your complete self-worth sabotaged? Find out the truth and end the games.
Get the images out of your mind. Here you will learn how to work through the healing and restoration of your relationship after an affair and how to restore the honesty, safety and trust back into your relationship (even if your partner isn't yet willing).
Recovering After an Affair - How to Survive, Forgive, Heal, After an Affair, Cheating, Infidelity
You are not alone! There is relief, and there are answers. You CAN recover from the pain of infidelity and save your
relationship or marriage after an affair. Learn how to survive
infidelity, how to forgive someone after cheating and how, ultimately,
to survive an affair.
Below you will find a FREE step-by-step system for saving your relationship after it's been shattered by an affair.
Emergency Marriage & Relationship Saving Strategies Designed JUST for the Injured and/or Cheating Spouse
Identify specifically what you are
up against and you will feel more confident because you know exactly
what will work and what will not work.
is a professional relationship counselor who has devoted her life to
helping couples survive affairs by quickly getting down to the REAL
issues that matter.
In her 20 years of experience working hand-in-hand with couples, she has detected some remarkably consistent patterns that have caused affairs to happen (after all, isn't it important to know WHY it happened in the first place so you can prevent it from happening again?).
She's also perfected several surprisingly simple techniques that have proven to work time and time again at saving relationships and marriages after an affair. We can show you exactly what you can say and do right now to survive an affair.
No more wondering if doing this or that is the right thing ... if saying this or that will make things better or worse ... if thinking this or that makes you a good or bad person, etc.
You are just seconds away from
immediate help ...
An affair doesn't have to cause the devastation, hurt and pain that you are feeling right now, there is a better way out. Grab hold of this lifeline that we can provide you right now before the tide gets out of control and pulls you out into a sea of unexplained and never-ending emotional pain and heartache.
Don't leave the affair to chance. Don't wait for "time to heal." Don't waste time with simplistic suggestions or vague generalities. Don't act out of desperation. Use Lilly's 20 plus years of insight, education, counseling, study, experience and therapeutic spiritual work with thousands of people - to act with purpose and confidence, knowing EXACTLY what you need to do to break free from the affair.
Most people don't play it smart. They react…usually in one of two ways:
They try harder...to tolerate. They swallow….hard. They wimp out and put up with all kinds of crap. (Sorry about the language, but I assume you have thought worse.) They hope time will cure and he will come to his senses.
Often they try harder by being really nice - meeting his needs; it's called "working on the marriage." Give him what he always said he wanted and win him back.
Doesn't work. You prostitute your integrity…and deep down you know it.. and resent it. As well, you feel like you are competing with the OP (other person.)
If he does stop the affair and "comes back" it is out of guilt or pity and what do you really have then?
Others Go on the attack. Plead. Beg. Become righteous. Explode every so often. Threaten. Become depressed. Enlist the help of others. Use guilt. Use the children. Talk. Talk. Talk. Desperately make promises.
Doesn't work either. You don't have to become a basket case; it's no fun. And if he does "come back" it's out of coercion. Don't you want to be wanted rather than have him feel like he must be with you because you bullied him?
80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.
If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but twice as likely to fracture. Identify specifically what you are up against and you will feel more confident because you know exactly what will work and what will not work. Lilly identifies 7 kinds of affairs marked by the different excuses most commonly used:.
#1: My Marriage Made Me Do It
#2: I Can't Say No
#3: I Don't Want to Say No
#4: I Fell Out of Love (and just love being in love)
#5: I Want to Get Back at Him/Her
#6: I Need to Prove My Desirability
#7: I Want to be Close to Someone (which means I can't stand intimacy)
People with different motives have different kinds of affairs. You
will learn more about him than he knows about himself. You will
understand his personality, how his past influences him, how he
typically copes with relationships, his self-defeating patterns and
It will hit you, "this person has a problem! - and it's not all mine!" (This is not to say you don't have problems, we all do, but they have their origin in you, not someone else or an institution such as marriage.)
Once you understand each kind of affair and the kind of person who engages in that kind of affair, it all makes sense.
You make better decisions.
You develop more effective strategies.
You begin to understand why it is so difficult.
You feel more confident and centered.
You have a road map to follow.
And…you feel better
The FIRST and TOUGHEST Question you MUST ask Yourself
Do you ever ask yourself why you remain with someone who is so self-destructive and has such little regard for you? Do you assume others are thinking the same thing: "Why in the world doesn't she throw him out?"
Here's the question you MUST face FIRST:
Do I REALLY want to be (married) in relationship with this person?
Don't jump past this one with, "Sure, I love him… even though he's doing this." It usually is a bit more complicated. Do I REALLY want to be married to him? Or do I want to be with him out of my own neediness? Or for other reasons?
Here's the underlying problem. If you hold on to the relationship because of your neediness or external factors, the chances of getting what you want are slim.
For each kind of affair, I'll have you consider questions you never thought about; questions that MUST be answered if you have any hope of breaking free.
You will be much clearer on what you REALLY want. He will know and he will respect that.
With Your Crystal Ball - Predict the Future
Yes, you can see into the future, too. Affairs are predictable. Once you identify the patterns you can project ahead and know what most likely will happen next. Here are a few examples:
•You CAN know how long he will be involved in that affair.
•You CAN know whether he is more susceptible to a one-night stand or a long-term affair.
•You CAN predict whether this will be the one and only affair or whether more are down the line.
•You CAN predict the nature of his relationship with the OP.
•You CAN know whether they will live happily ever after.
•You CAN know whether it is primarily a sexual relationship or emotional relationship.
•You CAN predict how and when the affair will end.
Once you have the knowledge, once you understand the person(s), once you see the patterns, it all makes sense. Learn when and how to send messages, use silence, get to the real commitment, leap your partner, look for upset, contextualize, peel away layers to the truth, and gap the goal, to name a few.
FREE Report: Discover Exactly What You Need to Do and Say to Save your Relationship Immediately after the Affair
Read this FREE report and discover the 21 most-effective steps marriage counselors are using to give couples improved odds at ending the affair, rebuilding the honesty and wiping the slate clean to build a ‘better than ever marriage or relationship.
There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has
been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of
self-respect and falls into a depression that can last for years.
Cheating whilst in a relationship is probably the most hurtful thing one can do to their significant other. It ends up not only hurting the ego; it can make someone feel very insecure about themselves. Both the unfaithful partner and the betrayed one can confront their doubts and fears about recommitting, constructively communicate pain and anger, restore trust, renew sexual intimacy and forgive
Assuming that the affair is definitely over and that both partners want to continue their relationship -- and that’s often a big "If" in these situations -- their first priority should be the restoration of trust. While the person who had the affair is held accountable for his or her behavior, relationship counseling provides a safe, confidential, and balanced environment in which everyone works together to explore and rebuild the relationship.
Discover how to survive an affair and save your marriage or relationship by ending the pain, healing the wounds and restoring the trust, even if you are the only one who wants to and before it's too late ... Having to face an affair in your relationship or marriage can be extremely confusing ... just getting from one day to the next can be an incredible chore.
And although there are certain attributes in relationships that may give someone the need to find sexual affection and gratification elsewhere, cheating usually results from a dissatisfaction of sorts. Right now, you are probably feeling as though someone has either punched you in the stomach or stabbed you in the back -- or even both.
Trying to Cope After an Affair? You are not alone.
Thousands of couples every single year suffer from the effects of one or both of the spouses having an affair ... cheating, infidelity, adultery, whatever ... it's all the result of an affair.
And it's an awful thing to go through.
It causes unnecessary pain, hurt and depression, and leaves one or both spouses feeling bewildered and wondering what to do. And the worst part is that the affair wasn't even necessary in the first place ... it was a mistaken attempt on the cheating spouse's part to find something they thought was missing in their existing relationship.
But here's the most important thing you need to understand: the affair wasn't your fault at all!
That's right -- it's NOT YOUR FAULT
Sure, you have done some things wrong in your relationship, but you didn't force your spouse to have an affair -- they CHOSE to do it.
And understanding THAT is the key to unlocking the secret to saving your relationship or marriage if it has been devastated by an affair.
The affair is THEIR problem. Don't worry about what you did or did
not do did not "cause" the affair. He CHOSE that avenue to solve his
dilemma. Did you make mistakes? Sure, we all do. Could you have done
some things differently? Of course! He could have also! You are NOT
defective. No one is a better lover or person than you. Nothing is wrong
Please understand. I care for someone who is having an affair because they are trying to find something - like all of us. The problem: their way of finding that something is really misguided. Anyone who chooses to trade one set of problems for a worse set, or really believes that another person can make his life better or "complete" obviously isn't thinking straight.
He is either lost in his empty neediness or his life is run by his
glands. Choosing an affair is temporary insanity. Affairs have
absolutely nothing to do with love - everything to do with personal
neediness and the narcissistic need for intense flattery. An affair is
NOT the answer. Affairs don't pan out.
People are different, right? Well, so are affairs. Affairs are exceedingly complex, but there are patterns that you can identify.
What works to break free from one kind of affair will be disaster for another. Are you confused? Not sure what to say? What to do? Afraid that saying one thing might be destructive? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?
At the end of the day, we all just want to be with someone who loves us -- someone who makes us happy, makes us feel needed, gives us the attention we deserve and someone who we can trust without having to think twice.
And that's not too much to ask for -- it's something we all deserve.
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Free Help & Advice about Infidelity, Affairs & Cheating
- How To Communicate With Emotionally Distant Men - Why do men get distant? Emotionally distant men don't communicate. Why do men hide their feelings? Learn about men who hide their feelings, why men get distant, how to communicate with emotionally distant men, and what to do when men become emotionally distant and hide there feelings. Free help communicating with an emotionally distant man..
- Why Men Withdraw And What To Do About It - Men who withdraw and why men withdraw. Learn why men withdraw in a relationship, how men withdraw themselves from a relationship, men who are afraid of love, and what to do about it when they close up.
- Why Men Leave Women - Reasons men leave women. Learn why men leave women when the honeymoon is over, and what to do about it. There are many reasons why men leave relationships or cannot settle down with the woman they're with. Learn what they are and how to stop him from leaving you.
- Creating A Natural Lasting Attraction With A Man - How to attract men. Learn how to create a natural and lasting attraction with a man. Free tips on how to attract a guy, how to attract men, and what qualities men find attractive in a woman.
- How To Get His Attention And Keep It - More about attracting a man. Namely, one from your past that you just have to have back. Learn how attract that man and create an intense attraction with a him all over again.
- Learn What Causes Distance In Relationships - What causes distance in relationships? Learn the secret cause of distance in relationships and how to fix the relationship distance. There is a secret cause of distance in relationships!
- [book] How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful - While trying to cope with the pain of knowing that their partners have cheated, victims of infidelity have to wrestle with two big questions: whether to stay in the relationship and, if they do stay, how to best prevent experiencing this kind of hurt ever again. In this book, two relationship experts offer readers a new way of understanding the causes and types of infidelity and innovative new ways to "affair-proof" recovered or new relationships.
- [book] Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart - Whether you want to end the relationship or piece things back together, Getting Past the Affair guides you through the initial trauma so you can understand what happened and why before deciding how to move forward. Based on the only program that’s been tested--and proven--to relieve destructive emotions in the wake of infidelity, this compassionate book offers support and expert advice from a team of award-winning couple therapists.
- [book] My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me - This book makes a wonderful contribution to the growing willingness of couples to "break the code of silence" and share their experience with affairs in order to help others. It offers clear insight into the pain involved as well as great hope for the power to recover and rebuild the marriage. Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth" and Host of www.dearpeggy.com
- [book] Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity - This is the most comprehensive book on affairs that I have ever read and the only one that completely reflects the reality of affairs. No matter how many other books you have read on this subject, read this one. It is absolutely wonderful!
- [book] After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful - For married or cohabiting couples who want to rebuild their relationship after one partner had had an affair, this tough-minded, insightful manual will be eminently practical. Clinical psychologist Spring, writing with her husband, draws on 20 years of experience treating distressed couples as she explains how both the unfaithful partner and the betrayed one can confront their doubts and fears about recommitting, constructively communicate pain and anger, restore trust, renew sexual intimacy and forgive.
- [book] When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships - When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair. A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of people caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair rocks their emotional lives.
- [book] Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage - While trying to cope with the pain of knowing that their partners have cheated, victims of infidelity have to wrestle with two big questions: whether to stay in the relationship and, if they do stay, how to best prevent experiencing this kind of hurt ever again. In this book, two relationship experts offer readers a new way of understanding the causes and types of infidelity and innovative new ways to "affair-proof" recovered or new relationships.