Yes, breaking up is hard to do. We’ve all gone through it, we’ve all cried and thought it would never end. But life does go on, and it actually gets much better! When a relationship ends it is difficult to remember that endings are ALWAYS opportunities to begin anew.
Wondrous moments lie ahead. Trust and have faith that everything will work out. Breaking up sucks. But … it doesn’t have to hurt so bad — and you are never alone. Sometimes it is possible to stop your breakup and save your relationship … Sometimes you breakup and move on to someone better.
Breaking up help, how to survive a break up
Breaking up doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Whether you suffer from a broken heart, consuming grief, depression, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, lack of closure, insecurities, jealousy, or envy, you CAN heal from a broken heart. Almost everyone experiences the breakup of a relationship at some point in time. It is important not to interpret the break up as a rejection of you.
Breaking up and ending of a relationship with a partner
It is said that the second most intense life stress is loss of love. The first is death. But I question this? Both are final. Both, in most cases, result in the physical removal of someone special from your life. Both result in the loss of a way of life we have become familiar with.
Both have resulted in hanging strings of things that were never said. However with death you have the peace of knowing you were in your lost loved one’s heart. You were not abandoned purposely, cast aside, or rejected. With death you can take off work and get sympathy.
You are given gifts of comfort and understanding. You can go through closing rituals and you can feel contentment that they are in a better place. But with breakups, separation, or divorce, even though you have the assurance that they are still alive somewhere on this Earth, their love was intentionally withdrawn from you!
They opted to leave you. We no longer have their presence, nor their care. They no longer want us. Either way, death or breakup, you had little say or control over the situation. I’ve often wondered if I had been able to deal with my loss easier if my ex had been taken away from me at God’s will while he still loved me, instead of his intentional, direct withdrawal of his love for me on his own volition.
That’s not to say I wish him dead, oh my! That’s just to say I think my own personal grief would have been less self-destructive and more accepted and socially supported. I have been through both the death of a loved one, and the intentional physical and emotional withdrawal of a loved one, and I would have to say grief over breakup, separation, or divorce can be equally as devastating–if not more–than grief over the death of your loved one.”
In death you lose your loved one’s physical presence in both your present time and your future. But in the loss through breakup we haven’t just lost one’s physical presence in our lives, but their love, also. We experience grief over the loss of their mental, emotional, and spiritual presence, too, along with our own sense of value and self-worth, our pride, our ego, our dreams, our hopes, our security, and our feelings of being loved.
We feel rejected, not good enough, not lovable, unwanted, and cast aside. We feel taken for granted and unappreciated for all we have done. We have gone from being everything to being nothing in a moment flat! But what kind of people would we be if we didn’t grieve? Doesn’t our grief stem from our having been loving, devoted, caring, committed, trusting and involved? Would we really want to be the type of person that is so cold, callous, without emotion, and self-centered that we could easily just dismiss such a breakup and walk away unscathed?…”
The best way to survive a break up? Love Yourself!
IT IS REWARDING to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as acceptable. It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things.
Because you cannot live in someone else. You cannot find yourself in someone else. You cannot be given a life by someone else. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.
After the breaking up of a relationship
After any long-term relationship it may be tough to find the inner strength or desire to open your heart to love again. When a love interest comes knocking at your door, how do you know that old battle wounds and scars have been healed enough to let love in? Seeing as each person is completely individual, there really isn’t a way to know exactly when the right time to begin a new relationship is.
What may work for one person, may not work for another. Fortunately, there are a few key attributes that successful relationships have in common. If you find that you meet these, then it may be time to let love in. When you’re ready to analyze your heart’s state of affairs, take an honest look at the questions below to determine how ready you really are:
- How stable is your life? How can you possibly hope to keep a relationship together if your life isn’t put together properly? I think many of us use relationships as a way to help fix ourselves, when actually; we should be trying to do that before we find someone else. Isn’t it true that a good many of our love interests result from someone who was there to give us a stable hand? How do you think your next relationship will benefit if you were already stable?
- Have you learned something about yourself from every past relationship? On our path through life we encounter many different obstacles, people and experiences. This is what makes us unique. Everyone has a different life experience. The people who create happy lives take each experience and make it work for them, especially if it is a negative one. If you haven’t learned something about the way you interact with another person from your past relationships, you’re living in cycle that won’t get broken until you take the time to find out. You can’t possibly expect to break negative habits if you’re not aware of them.
- Have you narrowed down your specific desires as to what type of person you want to meet?Each relationship offers us an opportunity to review our master list of qualities of our ideal mate. Sometimes, what we thought we wanted didn’t even come close to what we really needed. After a long-term relationship it is especially prudent to revise your list of desirable traits. Were there things about your past partner that hindered you from being really you? What traits would help you feel the most comfortable with being yourself?
- Are you really over your past? I know, you’re probably thinking it’s a misprint? You may be thinking “Don’t you mean past love?” Sometimes, I find we identify our past with our past loves. Our life may have included something that was special that we may be feeling is missing now. Somehow that gets wrapped up in our emotions with our past love. So, instead of trying to find new ways to make our life more complete, we think we need to have our past love to feel complete. Make sure you identify your real sources of desire before beginning a new relationship.
- Have you talked about your feelings with someone else? It is often easier to deal with the real issues of the heart privately. However, this isn’t always the best option. Talking about what’s really going on in your mind and your heart gives you the opportunity to release any painful or negative emotions you didn’t know you had bottled up. Trust me, there are almost always bottled up emotions you’re unaware of. If you don’t have anyone you feel you can trust to talk to, try talking to a group of people online. A great place to start would be our anonymous advice forums. Use them as a sounding board to get inspiration or just to get everything off your chest. Whoever you talk to, you’ll be glad you did.
Are you searching for peace and answers from a broken heart, grief of lost love or ended relationship? Has the person you love more than anything in the world left you? Have you been dumped, slighted, walked out on, or deserted for another? Does your heart ache endlessly? Have you lost sleep, your appetite, or even your job? Are you caught in the grief? Do you rehash the breakup over and over again?
You can do nothing OR.. you can learn how to bring him close again with an insightful psychic soulmate love reading. You CAN get over a breakup, mend a broken heart, and sometimes stop a breakup!