Discover exactly what you need to do and say to save your relationship immediately after the affair
Discover the most-effective steps to give couples improved odds at ending the affair, rebuilding the honesty and wiping the slate clean to build a ‘better than ever marriage or relationship.
There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self-respect and falls into a depression that can last for years.
Cheating whilst in a relationship is probably the most hurtful thing one can do to their significant other. It ends up not only hurting the ego; it can make someone feel very insecure about themselves. Both the unfaithful partner and the betrayed one can confront their doubts and fears about recommitting, constructively communicate pain and anger, restore trust, renew sexual intimacy and forgive.
Assuming that the affair is definitely over and that both partners want to continue their relationship — and that’s often a big “If” in these situations — their first priority should be the restoration of trust. While the person who had the affair is held accountable for his or her behavior, relationship counseling provides a safe, confidential, and balanced environment in which everyone works together to explore and rebuild the relationship.
Discover how to survive an affair and save your marriage or relationship by ending the pain, healing the wounds and restoring the trust, even if you are the only one who wants to and before it’s too late… Having to face an affair in your relationship or marriage can be extremely confusing… just getting from one day to the next can be an incredible chore.
And although there are certain attributes in relationships that may give someone the need to find sexual affection and gratification elsewhere, cheating usually results from a dissatisfaction of sorts. Right now, you are probably feeling as though someone has either punched you in the stomach or stabbed you in the back — or even both.
Infidelity help & cheating advice about surviving an affair
You have the courage to forgive and the freedom not to…
You are not alone. There is relief, and there are answers. You CAN recover from the pain of infidelity and save your relationship or marriage after an affair. Learn how to survive infidelity, how to forgive someone after cheating and how, ultimately, to survive an affair. Learn the REAL destiny of your relationship. Call or chat now to get professional relationship advice tailored to your specific situation and relationship.
Identify specifically what you are up against and you will feel more confident because you know exactly what will work and what will not work. Lilly is a professional relationship counselor who has devoted her life to helping couples survive affairs by quickly getting down to the REAL issues that matter.
In her 30 years of experience working hand-in-hand with couples, she has detected some remarkably consistent patterns that have caused affairs to happen (after all, isn’t it important to know WHY it happened in the first place so you can prevent it from happening again?).
She’s also perfected several surprisingly simple techniques that have proven to work time and time again at saving relationships and marriages after an affair. We can show you exactly what you can say and do right now to survive an affair.
No more wondering if doing this or that is the right thing … if saying this or that will make things better or worse … if thinking this or that makes you a good or bad person, etc.
Emergency marriage & relationship saving strategies designed JUST for the injured and/or cheating spouse
You are just seconds away from immediate help …
An affair doesn’t have to cause the devastation, hurt and pain that you are feeling right now, there is a better way out. Grab hold of this lifeline that we can provide you right now before the tide gets out of control and pulls you out into a sea of unexplained and never-ending emotional pain and heartache.
Don’t leave the affair to chance. Don’t wait for “time to heal.” Don’t waste time with simplistic suggestions or vague generalities. Don’t act out of desperation. Use Lilly’s 30 plus years of insight, education, counseling, study, experience and therapeutic spiritual work with thousands of people – to act with purpose and confidence, knowing EXACTLY what you need to do to break free from the affair.
Most people don’t play it smart. They react to infidelity usually in one of two ways:
- They try harder…to tolerate. They swallow…. hard. They wimp out and put up with all kinds of crap. (Sorry about the language, but I assume you have thought worse.) They hope time will cure and he will come to his senses. Often they try harder by being really nice – meeting his needs; it’s called “working on the marriage.” Give him what he always said he wanted and win him back. Doesn’t work. You prostitute your integrity…and deep down you know it.. and resent it. As well, you feel like you are competing with the OP (other person.) If he does stop the affair and “comes back” it is out of guilt or pity and what do you really have then?
- Others Go on the attack. Plead. Beg. Become righteous. Explode every so often. Threaten. Become depressed. Enlist the help of others. Use guilt. Use the children. Talk. Talk. Talk. Desperately make promises. Doesn’t work either. You don’t have to become a basket case; it’s no fun. And if he does “come back” it’s out of coercion. Don’t you want to be wanted rather than have him feel like he must be with you because you bullied him?
80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
Over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.
If an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but twice as likely to fracture. Identify specifically what you are up against and you will feel more confident because you know exactly what will work and what will not work. Lilly identifies 7 kinds of affairs marked by the different excuses most commonly used:
- My marriage made me do it
- I can’t say no
- I don’t want to say no
- I fell out of love (and just love being in love)
- I want to get back at him/her
- I need to prove my desirability
- I want to be close to someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)
People with different motives have different kinds of affairs. You will learn more about him than he knows about himself. You will understand his personality, how his past influences him, how he typically copes with relationships, his self-defeating patterns and more.
It will hit you, “this person has a problem! – and it’s not all mine!” (This is not to say you don’t have problems, we all do, but they have their origin in you, not someone else or an institution such as marriage.) Once you understand each kind of affair and the kind of person who engages in that kind of affair, it all makes sense.
- You make better decisions
- You develop more effective strategies
- You begin to understand why it is so difficult
- You feel more confident and centered
- You have a road map to follow
- And…you feel better
The FIRST and TOUGHEST question you MUST ask yourself
Do you ever ask yourself why you remain with someone who is so self-destructive and has such little regard for you? Do you assume others are thinking the same thing: “Why in the world doesn’t she throw him out?”
Here’s the question you MUST face FIRST:
Do I REALLY want to be (married) in relationship with this person?
Don’t jump past this one with, “Sure, I love him… even though he’s doing this.” It usually is a bit more complicated. Do I REALLY want to be married to him? Or do I want to be with him out of my own neediness? Or for other reasons? Here’s the underlying problem. If you hold on to the relationship because of your neediness or external factors, the chances of getting what you want are slim.
For each kind of affair, I’ll have you consider questions you never thought about; questions that MUST be answered if you have any hope of breaking free. You will be much clearer on what you REALLY want. He will know and he will respect that.
Trying to cope after an affair? You are not alone
Thousands of couples every single year suffer from the effects of one or both of the spouses having an affair … cheating, infidelity, adultery, whatever … it’s all the result of an affair. And it’s an awful thing to go through.
It causes unnecessary pain, hurt and depression, and leaves one or both spouses feeling bewildered and wondering what to do. And the worst part is that the affair wasn’t even necessary in the first place … it was a mistaken attempt on the cheating spouse’s part to find something they thought was missing in their existing relationship. But here’s the most important thing you need to understand: the affair wasn’t your fault at all!
That’s right — it’s NOT YOUR FAULT
Sure, you have done some things wrong in your relationship, but you didn’t force your spouse to have an affair — they CHOSE to do it. And understanding THAT is the key to unlocking the secret to saving your relationship or marriage if it has been devastated by an affair.
The affair is THEIR problem. Don’t worry about what you did or did not do did not “cause” the affair. He CHOSE that avenue to solve his dilemma. Did you make mistakes? Sure, we all do. Could you have done some things differently? Of course! He could have also! You are NOT defective. No one is a better lover or person than you. Nothing is wrong with you!
Please understand. I care for someone who is having an affair because they are trying to find something – like all of us. The problem: their way of finding that something is really misguided. Anyone who chooses to trade one set of problems for a worse set, or really believes that another person can make his life better or “complete” obviously isn’t thinking straight.
He is either lost in his empty neediness or his life is run by his glands. Choosing an affair is temporary insanity. Affairs have absolutely nothing to do with love – everything to do with personal neediness and the narcissistic need for intense flattery. An affair is NOT the answer. Affairs don’t pan out.
People are different, right? Well, so are affairs. Affairs are exceedingly complex, but there are patterns that you can identify. What works to break free from one kind of affair will be disaster for another. Are you confused? Not sure what to say? What to do? Afraid that saying one thing might be destructive? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?
At the end of the day, we all just want to be with someone who loves us — someone who makes us happy, makes us feel needed, gives us the attention we deserve and someone who we can trust without having to think twice.
Instant cheating advice:
Lilly is an experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades.